My Little Bodyguard

"Link is your bodyguard, Mama," Dylan said to me a couple of days ago.  Link is our little poodle and he follows me around the house wherever I go.  Often seen laying by my side as I sit at my workstation at home, he is very quick to growl and loudly bark at anyone or anything that walks, runs, flies, flutters or rides outside.  Long before any of us, especially me, sees the "danger," Link is already by the window, making his ferocious presence known, giving a voice of alert that is impossible for anyone to ignore. 

As I see Link peacefully laying by my feet this morning, it's kind of surprising to think how, in a matter of seconds, at the slightest sound that may signal someone is outside (a signal that goes totally unnoticed to me most of the time, of course), he would jump to attention and start his protective routine...leaving me no other alternative than to go and check out what's going on (thank Goodness this is a rather quiet neighborhood...).

I read chapter 22 of Numbers a couple of days ago, and after scratching my head about that totally bizarre incident when a donkey speaks, I thought of Link.  I thought of my little bodyguard and of all the people, animals, things, events, etc. that God uses to communicate with us...to warn us of danger...to protect us...to show us the right way...to keep us safe.

26 Then the angel of the Lord moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. 28 Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”

29 Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”

30 The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”

“No,” he said.

31 Then the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.

32 The angel of the Lord asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared it.”

34 Balaam said to the angel of the Lord, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.” (Numbers 22: 26-34)

How many times we walk around completely blinded by whatever it is that clouds our minds, hearts and eyes, and we fail to see the harm that awaits a few steps ahead if we continue to go on that direction of recklessness...completely unaware of the danger?  God, in His compassion uses something or someone...often the one we least expect or the one we most ignore, to sound the alarm.  And how many times, we are so caught up on our own selves, that the signal has to be rather shocking in order to catch our attention, wake us up and make us see.

I know that Link's loud and annoying bark at the slightest movement outside our house is most likely never going to be the sign of imminent danger and harm for me or my family.  But, after reading about Balaam's donkey...I tell you, I'm thinking I better always pay attention.  I don't want to have the Lord open his mouth and make him start speaking in intelligibly words to me due to my hardheadedness. I'm most happy to endure the annoying loud bark of my little bodyguard.

May the Holy Spirit give us awareness and wisdom to discern the warning signs that are displayed in front of us through the actions and words of others around us as a protection from imminent danger.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Dandelions Were Not Canceled

Every year I get so annoyed by dandelions.  They signal the beginning of bad allergy season for me and Dylan.  AND, I don't like how they plague the lawn with what looks like grass yellow fever.  We have been spending a small fortune over the last few years to keep them away from our yard...but our neighbors haven't...so...every time I look out the window, I sigh in disgust when I see one of those yellow pests on our beautiful green and luscious grass. 

And you know what?  This year has been no exception to that reality.

A year when the word CANCELLATION has been so freely and easily propagated all around us, impacting everything from school, movies, swimming pools, graduations, wedding receptions, stores, restaurants all the way to funeral gatherings and church services...dandelions sprouted and opened up right on schedule.

Isn't that amazing?

It just hit me this morning.  As I was wrestling with the fact that so much of our "normal" routines has been disrupted and how unpredictable life has become...how crazy even the seasons have been (hardly any snow in the winter and a grey, stormy and snowy spring), the dandelions came.  I thought the latest snow would confuse them and keep them from popping their yellow heads...but no!  They came right on time.  Along with the robins, cherries and daffodils, the dandelions arrived.

Dandelions were not canceled. When it was time for them to show up, there they were, with the same force and strength as always.  The dandelions came to cover the neighbor's lawn with their yellow blanket, spilling to our yard here and there like drops from a sun that refuses to shine.

Who would have thought that the source of annoyance would speak to me of hope today?

Not just the majestic mountains or the roaring seas tell us of God's Power and Might.  If we are willing to listen, all of God's creation is capable of speaking to us. And it is impossible for its voice to be silenced or for its impact to be canceled.

That is the God we serve.  He is the One Who Uses ALL to communicate to His beloved that He is here, even if it doesn't seem like it.  We serve a God Who is Present always, regardless of what the world may say.  He is Constant.  He is Omnipresent.  He is All Powerful.  He knows all.  He manages all.  He is King over all.  He is Holy but He is also Patient.  He is Almighty, but He is also Kind.  He is Perfect, but He is also Love.  He is in the Heavens, but He is also Emanuel: God with Us.

I'm sure next year, if life ever comes back to some sense of normalcy, I will be annoyed by dandelions again.  I hope, however, that in my petty frustration I find room to remember the way I feel today: comforted by the fact that somethings would never be canceled and that dandelions are a reminder of God's Ever Presence and Control over all.

Fierce

Grant:  hey Mom, you know? K-Love was asking people to describe their Mom's in 1 word.  I wrote my word and got tons of likes.
Me:      O no...what word did you write?
Grant:   "Fierce."
Me:       silence...sigh...silence

As I continue to explore the book of Numbers in the Old Testament, I find it ironic that one of my least favorite books of the Bible contains one of my favorite stories:  Exploring Canaan.

Numbers 13 tells us about the time when God asked Moses to send a representative from each ancestral tribe to survey the land of promise.  As we may remember, the men went and after 40 days in Canaan, came back to camp and gave their report:  yes, the land is certainly amazing, flowing with milk and honey, capable of producing larger than normal fruit, BUT...it is also heavily fortified and not only that, but the people themselves are "stronger than we are," the scouts said. And also,  they said, “The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.” (Numbers 13: 32-33)

Isn't that the case that "in our own eyes" it's easy to identify with the israelites?  At least, for me, it has often been possible to identify with them as I see myself as the grasshopper. 

However, have you ever seen yourself as the giant?

Have you ever seen yourself, "in your own eyes" as the giant among grasshoppers?

I have to admit that lately...very recently...I believe God has been removing the veil from my eyes, giving me a clearer understanding of my situation at the moment.  And, perhaps, what He has been telling me through the discomfort I've been experiencing is that...today, I might be the giant.  I might be the Nephilim to those around me...While they feel like the grasshoppers who retreat in fear of what I might do to them, I stand taller than ever, imposing my inflexible presence, ideas, values, plans, goals, ways with little regard of what others may think, need or want.

In my prideful nature, I secretly and often, not so secretly, embrace the adjective that my son gave me:  fierce.  "I want to be feared not liked" I said once...more than once, really.  The definition of fierce, however is not a flattering one:  having or displaying an intense or ferocious aggressiveness...but it is consistent with who I am.  And it is a cause of shame today...as I realize that such aggressiveness could be used for things less than holy.  The same intensity I can display for the Kingdom of God, I can also display for the kingdom of self.  The same ferocious aggressiveness I can have for defending what I consider the right thing and the right cause, I can also have to destroy and devour those whom I perceive as being on the wrong side, defending the wrong cause and doing the wrong things.  Fierce throws compassion out the wagon and pushes through blindly pulling ahead, regardless of who gets crushed.

That's who I am.  That's my nature...when left untamed...when having no Lord other than myself.

I'm in a place of abundance, surrounded by many who have nothing...and I dare to complain.  I'm just like the Israelites who were never satisfied even thought they lived and walked in the Presence of God.  I'm the Israelite who didn't realize that there's no need to fear, plot and manipulate for we are truly the giants as we are backed by the One Who Defeats All Giants. 

I don't need to be the freight train or the tornado or the "she Hulk" that indiscriminately smashes all that is on her way.  I can actually just  "act justly and ... love mercy and ... walk humbly with [My] God." (Micah 6:8) And leave the rest in His Hands instead of getting mine dirty with the mud of regret and shame.

I don't want to be fierce...I want to be humble...I don't know that Grant will ever see me as such.  My prayer is that someday, God does.

May my failures to be who God wants me to be today, transform me into who I am supposed to be tomorrow.  May a sense of humility that destroys my pride, allow me to realize that I am nothing without Him.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, My Lord and Savior.  Amen!

The Lord's Blessing

This social distancing reality and my inability to do my "normal" routine has me embarking on new and strange "adventures."  For instance, I'm reading through the book of Numbers in the Bible. 

I have to say, so far, Numbers is not my favorite.  But then, hidden at the end of chapter 6, after all that talk about the Nazirite...which, btw, I'm still very confused about...but I think it has something to do with separating yourself from the world and dedicating to the Lord for a period of time, keeping in mind a bunch of consequences if defiling oneself, etc...there is a precious gem: The Lord's Blessing through Aaron and his sons, the priests:

“‘“The Lord bless you

and keep you;

 the Lord make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you

and give you peace.”’

 “So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.” Numbers 6: 24-27

Where did this come from?  I mean, the entire chapter was about the Nazirite.  Then, all of a sudden, The Lord tells Moses to tell Aaron and his sons to proclaim these words to the Israelites.  What?

I believe, this blessing is a reminder that, the Lord's intent is not to hurt us or torture us with complicated rituals.  His purpose is to bless us and to love us.  The Israelites had been separated from God for far too long.  They weren't truly a nation when they became slaves in Egypt.  Therefore, this time wandering in the desert was used by God to forge a cohesive sense of identity with all the rigor of discipline and obedience.  But, for a reason: to make them into His people.  And as His people, His purpose was to bless them and love them.  Hence, this beautiful blessing, proclaiming all that anyone may possibly want from God.

The Almighty God who calls us His own always has that same purpose for all of us in His family.  He still wants to bless us and love us today as much as He did back then during the foundational days of desert dwelling.  He still wants to make His face shine upon us, be gracious to us and turn His face toward us and give us peace.  Even as we are still immersed in the uncertainty of our pandemic days, He is moving us toward the recognition that our identity is in Him as Children of the Most High God!  Who we are is not determined by what is happening to us.  We are children of the King regardless of viruses, masks, social distancing and economic crisis.  He keeps us and blesses us always even when the hour seems dark, hopeless or just plain strange and confusing.

May the Holy Spirit help us to keep our eyes on what is important: His Face, as we seek to focus on the blessings of His Love.  In the Precious Name of Our Lord, Jesus.  Amen!

Who Is My Master?

"Who is Your Master?"
This was a question that Pastor Doug used to close today's sermon...even through YouTube, the question pierced my heart.  Why?  Because I fear the answer.

I would like to proclaim boldly that My Master is Jesus and that He is the Lord over all that I am...the truth is, however...I'm not sure.

There are many things, worldly things that compete with my desire to have Jesus as My Master.  I get distracted by the luring impact of that which promises a life of comfort and ease...which is one of my main goals in life:  to make my family and myself as comfortable as possible.  That's why I am so controlling, because I seek comfort so I try to manipulate things in order to achieve that elusive comfort that I so eagerly chase after.  I like things to go as planned because I think that my plans are those designed to bring the most comfort.  That's why, when things do not go as planned, I despair. 

That's the situation with the demolished plans for Grant's graduation.  I have been dreaming of these moments...the last couple of months of his Senior year in High School...with a tender heart.  I have been dreaming of all the details involved in celebrating this milestone in his life and mine.  I have been dreaming of enjoying and savoring his "lasts":  last Jazz Band concert, last chance to be in a High School Musical, last Marching Band Trip, Parade and Picnic, last (and first) prom, last day of school, last yearbook...let alone commencement and graduation party...when...the unthinkable happened:  everything got cancelled.

My heart broke (more than his, totally) and I went through a period of mourning, anger, frustration and disappointment (more than he did, totally again) because it wasn't comfortable.  The changes brought discomfort and crushed dreams.  My plans were tossed and the illusion of control vanished. 

Sigh...

Like Paul says in Romans 7: 18, the weakness of my flesh was revealed in my desire to seek after the things that were bringing me pleasure.  I had made all those things my idols.  Like always, I had the desire to do what I thought was right...but I had taken my eyes of Jesus and my ability to carry out the good was thwarted by the weakness of my resolve...by the weakness of my flesh... 

But the Lord, as He always does...in His unlimited patience and love has opened up my eyes and allowed me to arrive at a place where I can finally see that He is doing great things.  Grant is actually enjoying experiences he would have never had if all had gone according to my plans.  Had his last two months of High School been "normal" he would have missed the special celebratory tributes and attention he is getting.  From yard signs at the house and school, special banners, t-shirts, and featured pictures in multiple Facebook pages to the kindness of strangers sending him gifts in the mail and well-wishes all around.  None of that would had happened, had my plans stayed intact.

I believe Grant is having an extra special last two months of being a Senior in High School, making memories filled with meaning and love, which he will never forget...and neither will I.

The Lord is Faithful, even when we're not.  He IS Our Master, even if we try to put other things on the throne.  And even though my flesh is weak, He is strong, and in my weakness, He gives me strength, and He causes me to return my eyes to Him, so I can focus on His Face as I forget the idols I have planted all along.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the clarity to know in my heart and soul that He is My Lord...My Savior...My Master...In the Precious Name of Jesus, Amen!

Whisper His Name and Stay Focused

It never ceases to amaze me how God knows exactly what we need in the precise moment and on the precise measure.  I've been feeling overwhelmed with the burden of work lately.  My actions have not been in accordance with what the Lord commands.  I have not been living in complete dependence on My Lord.  My focus has shifted.  I have not been seeking Him first.

Then, this morning, I read:

"Living in dependence on Me is the way to enjoy abundant life.  You are learning to appreciate tough times because they amplify your awareness of My Presence...I am pleased by your tendency to turn to Me more and more frequently, especially when you are alone.  When you are with other people, you often lose sight of My Presence.  Your fear of displeasing people puts you in bondage to them, and they become your primary focus.  When you realize this has happened, whisper My Name; this tiny act of trust brings Me to the forefront of your consciousness, where I belong.  As you bask in the blessing of My nearness, My life can flow through you to others.  This is abundant life!" (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

I want that abundant life, Lord!  I want to be dependent on You so I can enjoy such a blessing!

The tough times, do indeed, make me more aware of You in my midst.  Alone times, do indeed, help me center on You.  Whispering Your Name does bring You back to the forefront of my consciousness, where You belong! 

May the Holy Spirit always remind me of this practice of Whispering Your Name to get back into Your Presence.  May I remember that Your Presence is always a reality...that it is me who walks away from it.  May my life be so that Your life may flow through me onto others!  Amen!

Extending Grace to Others

 I saw this post in Facebook not long ago and it really got to me.  It got me feeling really guilty. My guilt stems from the fact that I have not stopped to consider this truth lately.  I've been too preoccupied thinking of myself and my own objectives only.  And I have not given any thought to the fact that those whose actions are causing me stress might be going through stressful circumstances themselves.

I have not thought, even for a minute, that the people I'm so ready to condemn, to accuse and to gossip about might be immersed into their own personal pit of darkness.  And that, perhaps, such reality might be the exact reason why they are acting the way they are acting towards me.

Sigh...

This post made me realize that I am not as ready to extend grace to others as I should.  I have not practiced the golden rule:  Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6: 31

I have forgotten that I should  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4: 32

I have not "loved like Jesus has loved me..." (John 13: 34-35)

I have hardened my heart out of pride.  I have felt hurt and wronged, and I have left those feelings and emotions run my actions and decision making.  I have not given them the benefit of the doubt.  I have been so busy trying not to fall apart that I have not given them the same allowance that I have been demanding for myself.

I am grateful for this Facebook message because, at least, it has caused me to pause long enough to ponder these things.  I am not going to say that I have mended my ways and that I have magically become generous with my kindness toward those who have been giving me grieve during the last month and a half.  But I do believe that God put this message on a place where I could see it to make me reconsider my ways, confess and ask for forgiveness as I forgive others...

I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to guide me and show me the way as I continue to move forward in the midst of the challenging events that are surrounding me at this moment of my life.  I pray that the Lord will help me to give others the grace I hope for myself as the gift that it truly is:  a gift that nobody deserves but everyone needs.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!