Only Jesus Can Ensure Our Entrance into God's Presence

A while back, I accomplished a feat that I've never undertaken before: I read the book of Numbers.  To my surprise, I found it pretty fascinating!  One thing that stuck with me for sure is how overwhelming the law is.  My eyes became glazed every time I read through chapters filled with the minuscia of regulatory language.  I couldn't help but to feel weighed down by the intricacies of the law that God handed down to Moses. Chapters 19 and 29 particularly, with all the rigor of cleansing and all the sacrifices required to celebrate the different festivals...I could not make my brain concentrate on how many bulls, lambs, goats and rams needed to be offered for each day, let alone the burnt offerings, the wave offerings, and the drink offerings...the grain, the oil...I got so very confused, my mind began playing tricks on me, picturing priests wearing fancy robes, waving flower-tortilla-type of bread at the sky while saying: na na, na na, na NA...sorry, please forgive me.

My point is... I cannot fathom even the thought of having to live under the law the way the Israelites had to....THANK YOU JESUS for coming to fulfill the law!

There's no way I could do this.  There's no way.  Reading through Numbers I understood how true it is when preachers tell us that the purpose of the law is to show us our need for Christ.  God chose the Jews to be the recipients of the law for humanity, as the great testimony of His "standard of absolute righteousness." (I love this phrase I read at Bible.org) In other words, to be saved by the law, we must fulfill every letter of the law.  It's not enough to do a good job at meeting most of the requirements.  Like James 2: 10 states:  For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

And who could ever say they have fulfilled all the law without ever stumbling over just one tiny point? Nobody!  Paul says it best in Romans 3 when not only he blurts it out by saying that Jews as well as Gentiles are all under sin, (Romans 3: 9) but he even goes farther as to prove it by quoting Old Testament Scripture in verses 10 - 18, a sample below of verses 10-12:

As it is written:
“There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.” [Crossed referenced of Psalms 14:1-3; 53:1-3; Eccles. 7:20]
There is  NO ONE righteous, not even one.

Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice, and the Only One who can cleanse us in order to be worthy of being in the Presence of God. We cannot do it on our own. It is Jesus' righteousness, which He placed on us as He took our sins on the cross, that makes us heirs, adopted sons and daughters, members of the family of God.  Otherwise...we would be the fools yelling that there is no God.

This does not mean, however, that we, as Christians under the New Covenant in Christ, are not under the 10 Commandments.  We are, Jesus said it.  In Matthew 22: 27-40.  In this passage, He says, in response to a Pharisee who is trying to trap Him by asking Him what is the greatest of all the 10 commandments: 

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Jesus came to fulfill the law, so we would not have to be judged by the law, but while we are still on this earth, we better strive to keep the law, for we are not under the dominion of sin anymore.  This means, our hearts have been claimed by God through Jesus.  Therefore, our desire is not of the flesh, but that of the Spirit...and, though we are still in a fallen world, we still strive towards the goal of sanctification by longing for what Jesus wants us to long for:  to seek Him first and obey His commandments!

What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father. So also, when we were underage, we were in slavery under the elemental spiritual forces of the world. But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”  So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4: 1-7

I pray the Holy Spirit opens our minds and hearts to Scripture in order to discern the truth of God's love and the perfection of His plan, so we can have peace and be content in Christ, Our Lord and Savior, the Perfect Lamb, the Holiest Priest, The Redeemer of Our Souls, the Sustainer of our faith.  In His Precious Name, Amen!

Do Not Forget The Lord

One of Dan's most precious possessions is a handwritten letter from his Dad, which he wrote him when Dan was leaving for college.  I also have the blessing of treasured letters my parents wrote to me when I left home to come here to attend the university.  The relentless passing of time has reversed the roles, and now it is Dan and I who are preparing to be the parents that are sending a kid out into the world...a world to which we don't belong anymore...a land where we cannot go.  As I assume this new role in my life, I've been thinking about writing Grant a letter of my own too...

It's interesting how, as I think about this, I read Deuteronomy chapter 8, and it reminds me of that type of letter: the letter a loving Parent might write to his child who is going away to a place, where he/she cannot go with him.

When the Israelites were getting ready to finally cross the Jordan and take possession of the promised land, Moses gave them this admonition:  Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. Deuteronomy 8: 1

Moses didn't want the people of Israel to forget Their Lord and Deliverer, so he went on and reminded them, once again, of all that The Most High God had done for them ever since taking them out of Egypt.  He urges them to remember their Lord.  And he warns them not to get too comfortable in the future wealth they will find in the Land they are about to enter...not to take for granted the gift God is giving them...not to forget to be thankful and not to forget it all comes from the Lord's great provision.

He instructs them to remember to praise the Lord when they feel satisfied, and to remember to remain obedient, so they do not become proud...for pride will lead to forgetting all they owe to God.  He basically is asking them to be humble, otherwise their pride may make them believe that they are self-made and that they do not need God, which may cause them to say and act in ways that will separate them from the Most High, as he points out:  You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8: 17-18

Do not forget this truth, Israel, Moses says, otherwise... If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 8: 19-20

Strong words, indeed.  However, only someone who truly cares and is led by the great love they feel in their heart is willing to utter such warning.  Among the few who would ever dare, we can count our parents. 

I will probably not be so strong in my letter to Grant.  But I pray the message he receives reminds him not to forget the Lord as he moves on.  As the world around us seems to crumble, I pray our kids remember they belong to Christ...and even if our society has forgotten, I pray this new generation remembers who is the One that Delivers us and Frees us from slavery.  I pray the young adults who are getting ready to fly this fall remember Him, even if everyone around them seems to have forgotten.  And I pray that as these kids remember...others will too...so our society may retrace its steps back to humility and stop following other gods, thus avoiding the destruction that may be upon us.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Blue Skies and Checkout Lines

Isn't it incredible how the weather changes?  I mean, really, coming from a place like Panama, where it is basically 80 degrees all year long, and the weather person on TV has the exciting job to tell the audience whether or not to carry an umbrella...being here, in this neck of the woods, where one can go from the ice-age to tropic thunder in one day...I still find the way weather oscillates between paradise and...the opposite, truly amazing.  Like, yesterday...it was pucky grey, but today is delightfully sunny!  I don't get it!?

The good news is, I don't have to get it.  I don't have to question it.  I don't have to understand it.  I don't have to study it.  I certainly can't avoid it.  I really can't change it.  I just have to accept it.  It's the weather.  It is its nature to change and fluctuate.  If I don't like it right now, I just have to wait...because it will totally be different in a little while.  I just have to have the endurance to stay put and the patience to wait. 

The problem is, anyone who truly knows me is totally aware of my inability to endure the lightest of discomforts or/and exercise the tiniest bit of patience. 

Sigh...

I am the kind of person who allows her circumstances to affect her emotions and actions.  For example, there was an "incident" today at a store where someone felt like she needed to claim the spot in front of me in the checkout line, which she did, not without me silently shooting nuclear warheads of hate and anger to the back of her head.  Not only I wanted to strangle her; but, as soon as there was a bit of space, I placed the heavy load I was carrying in my arms on the belt right beside where she was standing, giving her an ever so slightly but highly intentional shove, disregarding the social distance regulations and never mind saying "excuse me."  Then, I respectfully backed away the necessary 6 feet, now arms free in case she decided to turned towards me and hit me with the gallon-sized bottle of water she was purchasing...I knew I could take her anytime!

Yep...

I didn't stop to think about anything.  I felt disrespected and I instantaneously got angry.  I didn't have the endurance to just let it go lightly nor the patience to consider she might have felt offended herself for something I might have done.  I didn't have the resolve to find an avenue that would allow the situation to be dealt with in a positive and effective manner.  I didn't have the stability of mind to just not allow her actions to bother me to the point of impacting my reaction.  She did something that bothered me.  Therefore, I did something I knew would bother her, back.   I wanted to feel avenged.  So I sought a way to do just that. 

The sky got cloudy and I wanted it clear. 

In reality, though, unless I accept the natural rhythm of the weather...my efforts to modify it will only work against me, as they will be fruitless and exhausting.  I might have had a small victory at the store today: I sent my line nemesis a signal:  "I can break you like a toothpick if I feel like it!" "The only reason you are still alive is because I'm feeling magnanimous, little lady!" But, deep inside of me, I felt like I betrayed my desire to be a better person by letting my impatience and pride take over.  I forgot that the fulfillment of my deepest longings can only be found not in seeking them on my own, but in seeking His Face above all other things, and allowing Him to be the Lord and God of my life.

Sarah Young's devotional, Jesus Calling, reads today:  "My world is filled with beautiful things; they are meant to be pointers to Me, reminders of My abiding Presence.  The earth still declares My Glory to those who have eyes that see and ears that hear...I chose to pour My Light into you so that you can be a beacon to others.  There is no room for pride in this position.  Your part is to reflect My Glory.  I am the Lord!"

I feel the soft caress of the breeze coming in the window and instantly feel refreshed.  I look up at the intensely blue sky, and immediately rejoice.  The earth does declare His Glory, indeed!  Even when the days are grey, we know, underneath that thick layer of humidity and dark clouds there is a permanently blue sky.  We know that in the darkness of the moment, His Light cannot be turned off.  We know that even though we are broken, His Light shines through our cracks. 

Regardless of the changes in the weather or in the climate of our circumstances, His Creation is still beautiful.  And best of all, He is still in His Throne.  It's just a matter of patience, endurance and trust.  I just hope I remember that, next time I go back to the store.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in various trials, so that the proven character of your faith—more precious than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 

1 Peter 1: 6-7

Am I Ready?

When one enters Grant's bedroom (now one can actually enter it since Dylan went into a cleaning and organizing frenzy a couple of weeks ago, fed up with Grant's...how shall I put it politely? shabby/chic mayhem...) it is impossible not to notice the incredible collection of books sitting on his shelves.  After going through a horrible phase that started around 3rd grade until about 6th grade, when he would not be caught dead touching a book...Grant discovered the joy of reading.  Now, he permanently has one, often two books going...always looking ahead, so when he finishes those in hand, he's already set for the next one(s).

Well...last night, he read the last page of one of the first milestone-chapters of the book of his life.

Grant's graduation cap & gown now hang in the melancholic light of our spare room as a testimony of what just happened mere hours ago:  my son is now ready to start the next one.

The question is:  Am I ready?

Of course not.  I know life will never be the same. It doesn't matter if every time I look at him I still see the young boy I used to pick up and squeeze in my arms, he is a young man now.  It doesn't matter that my heart still feels the same way it has felt ever since the very first instant I saw him...time has actually passed and soon he will be out of my daily embrace.  It doesn't matter that hearing his voice is like the oxygen to my lungs, and that the very thought of spending days without hearing him leaves me gasping for air...he will move on.  I know it, but I'm not ready.

However, today, looking out the window to yet another grey morning, I lift up my eyes to the Maker of Heaven and Earth, and praise His Holy Name for giving me the gift of a son that I can see graduate from High School and go onto college.  I praise Him for the blessing of having a part of me...the very best part...walk toward a future, that, though seemingly uncertain due to the uncertainty of the times we live in...will most definitely reveal the hand of God on the way that future opens up in front of him as the Holy Spirit guides Grant's every step.  I praise The Lord for bringing me to this day, when I can allow my soul to fight the inevitable while I loosen the tight grip and prepare to let him go.

I praise God for giving Grant an unforgettable commencement ceremony, special and unique.  I praise God for keeping us together.  I praise God for the memories.  I praise God for the laughter and the tears.  I praise God for the frustrations and the joy.  And I pray that it will all continue for countless years, even if on a modified way.

May God shower Grant's life with many blessings forever.  May the new book he has already picked out be ever more exciting, full of amazing adventures, fun, learning and discovery.  May love flourish.  May God keep you healthy, safe and strong.  May He open your eyes so you can see through the eyes of Jesus.  May the hand of Our Lord and Savior be always on you.  May your main goal be to follow Him.  As for me...I'll be OK...just like every other Mother who has ever been in my shoes before...God will patch up my broken heart and I, too, will move on, trusting His love for my son is biggest than my own.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!

WARNING: Melancholic Emotions Ahead

The gloomy-grey of the morning sky is very fitting today...it perfectly reflects the way my heart feels.  Today was the original day when Grant's commencement ceremony would have taken place.  And of course, there's nothing going on.  Two days ago he received his diploma, cap & gown by the curbside.  No fanfare...no "Pomp and Circumstance" playing in the background...no cheers...no handshakes and pats on the back...no flipping of the tassle... no tossing of the cap... no celebration... but plenty of weepy Mom.

I can't even think about this without feeling the knot in my throat tighten and the tears in my eyes burning.  But it's not about the loss of the festivities...really...it's more about the knowledge that life will never be the same.  High School graduation represents the first step into a process of letting go that feels more like a voodoo ceremony where someone rips one's heart right out of the chest and eats it in front of you while you bleed out helplessly...

I know, drama-queen 101, right?  Get a grip! You're not the only Mother ever to go through this.  Your pain is insignificant when compared to the real pain others have to go through.  You're pathetic.  Well, what can I tell you? Yes, perhaps, I am...I'm a wimp.  I'm a softy.  I don't know.  The only thing I know is that being a Mother is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life so far...and I'm guessing, it's not about to get any easier.

The depth of my weakness and my neediness can only be withstand by the One Who Sustains me.  He is the One who truly sees me and understands the source of my pain.  He is the Only One who could carry it for me and give me the respite I long for.  He is the cool breeze that soothes me.  He is the comfy blanket that embraces me.  He is the strong arm that comforts me.

And this morning is no difference, as He speaks to me through the readings to which He leads me:

"I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to Me.  Go through each day looking for what I have prepared for you.  Accept every event as My hand-tailored provision for your needs.  When you view your life this way, the most reasonable response is to be thankful.  Do not reject any of My gifts; find Me in every situation." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

He knows that what I need is Him...so He draws me nearer still by nudging me towards what I must do:  fix my eyes upon His Face.

I open the windows and let the soft breeze come in so I can breathe!  I take another look at the source of my melancholic mood and I find the blessing that it is to be able to feel this way.  The only reason I feel the way I feel today is because God gave me a son named Grant who has been a conduit to His joy ever since he was conceived.  Grant is one of God's amazing gifts to my life...a life that otherwise would had been empty...like my womb was... The reason I feel like my heart is about to be ripped out of my chest is because God blessed me with a son who helps my heart still beat, and he is healthy and able to go on with his life wherever it may take him.  The reason I feel like life will never be the same is because, PRAISE THE LORD it never will!  Grant has the means to move on and go seek God's path guided by His Light!  The reason I can't think about all these without crying is because this is exactly the way that it is supposed to be happening...otherwise...it would mean I have nothing to be sad about...which is sad in all that it implies.

He is showing me the "hand-tailored provision" of my needs.  I'm not going to reject His gifts.  I'm going to embrace this moment in my life and express my eternal gratitude and thanksgiving for the blessing of having allowed me to experience this very situation...the very nature of which, makes it unforgettable.

So...welcome melancholy!  I'm glad you're here! 

May the Lord show His Presence to all Mothers of Seniors during this season of letting go.  May the Holy Spirit show us the path and give us and our children all we need to make the best out of the blessings we've received.  May God's Light shine on the path that they will now have to walk.  And may the Holy Trinity strengthen us as we fix our eyes upon Jesus the Sustainer of our lives.  In His Precious Name I pray.  Amen!

Morning Thoughts

I just wanted to share this morning devotional reading from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling book because it really spoke to me at a rather practical level.  Here it is:

"Seek My Face at the beginning of your day.  This practice enables you to 'put Me on' and 'wear Me' throughout the day.  Most people put on clothes soon after arising from bed.  Similarly, the sooner you 'put Me on' by communicating with Me, the better prepared you are for whatever comes your way.

To 'wear Me' is essentially to have My mind: to think My thoughts.  Ask the Holy Spirit to control your thinking; be transformed by this renewal within you.  Thus you are well-equipped to face whatever people and situations I bring your way.  Clothing your mind in Me is your best preparation for each day.  This discipline brings Joy and Peace to you and those around you."

I guess this is one way to put on the Armor of God that Ephesians 6: 10-18 talks about:  to devote my first thoughts each morning to the Lord...and to beg the Holy Spirit to take hold of my thoughts since before my feet reach the ground until my body goes down to sleep at night again.  So often, I haven't opened my eyes yet, and my mind starts racing about the troubling things of the day.  The day hasn't even started, and I'm already fretting what I anticipate will happen.  I'm not still yet awake, and I'm stressing out over all the items on my daily list. 

This spiritual discipline of making a conscious effort to dedicate my first thoughts to the Lord in the morning helps me center my attention on what's important.  Ever since I first read this same devotional reading several years ago (I'm actually on my 4th or more year of re-reading Sarah Young's Jesus Calling book as one of my morning routines) I have been able to at least, catch myself when my mind drifts to the worries of the day ahead, rather than on consecrating my first thoughts to Christ.  I can't say that I'm successful, 100% of the time in my attempts of beginning my day seeking God's face.  But, at least I am aware when I don't, so I can try to redirect my path.

This discipline is helping me even with being better at letting go of stressful thoughts and circumstances.  It happened just this past weekend, when the threat of stress upon a situation came to me on an e-mail (don't you love this era when work follows you wherever you are?) ... but instead of doing what I usually do:  panic!  I was able to say:  God will take care of it.  It's in His hands...and just like that...a sense of peace came over me and I was able to not drive myself crazy trying to figure out what to do next.  And, after that, whenever the worry would threaten to enter my heart again, I would repeat the same phrase in my mind...and peace would return.

I was amazed!  It actually works!  Imagine that...God's promises ARE true, indeed!

It all starts with small steps of faith...small spiritual disciplines that transform our "normal" of chaos into a new normal where peace flows like a river.  I'm not there yet, by any means!  But I'm here as a testimony that it is possible to bring all of our weaknesses to the Cross and allow Jesus to infuse His strength in us.  All He asks in return is that we fix our eyes on His Precious Face.  What a beautiful price to pay for all that He does for us.

May the Holy Spirit hold every thought captive and enable us to, by His strength, honor Him with our first thoughts every morning as a demonstration of our trust in Him and on His power to work all things for good.  In Christ's Name.  Amen!

Be a Colander Not a Bowl

"Mom, you know that you can choose not to get mad, right?"  Grant said this to me the other day after one of my routine displays of hysterics in the car about something that irritated me, which I can't even remember what it was.  He wants to be a counselor...I guess he might be into something here...

Then, shortly after, while I was becoming irritated at who knows what, Dan said to me:  "be a colander not a bowl."

I was like, "what?!  So now I'm a bull?!" I got so irritated thinking he had called me a "bull."  He's like, "a bowl, B.O.W.L." So I got more irritated now thinking he was insinuating I was fat!  So he proceeded to explain:  "Be a colander, let things sift through so they don't irritate you, instead of collecting every single irritating thing so you can be mad at everything."  Well, now I was REALLY irritated because what he said made a lot of sense...he was right...and I was wrong...and that makes me furious!

Sigh...

There are crazy elements in my bowl: I have an insane amount of pride mixed in with a high dose of insecurity.  This is a very volatile and extremely flammable combination that makes the person super unstable. In my bowl, I collect all irritating things so I can carefully dissect them to make sure I confirm the fact that I was right to be irritated.  In that bowl I catch all my triggers.  The thing is, my triggers are pulled by perception...which is a dangerously subjective way to become trigger-happy.  The incident doesn't even have to be real.  I just have to perceive it as real, and the trigger is pulled...and I become a mutant Hulk-cowgirl.  The one perception that causes an instant finger on the irritation trigger is when I sense that others might be disrespecting me...it triggers my insecurity that makes me believe that I'm really not worthy of anyone's respect, so my pride is hurt then, my thwarted perception pulls the trigger:

*Car cuts in front of me on the road...BAM!
*Person in line in front of me strikes a personal conversation with the cashier...BOOM
*Drivers block me while they chit chat from car to car (works the same at the grocery store when two customers with carts decide to block the isle while they have a fun conversation)...POW
*People going the wrong way at the grocery store during social distancing...KAPOW
*Neighbor turning my backyard on his giant dog's personal toilet every morning and evening...BANG
*Co-workers thinking they can outsmart me and make me look bad in front of the boss....GROWL
*Co-workers thinking they can get away with doing nothing while I kill myself trying to get things done...ROAR
*Kids not obeying instantly...WHAM
*Husband not doing what I asked...ZING
*Dog thinking he's my boss...ZAP
*People thinking they can do what they want...SNAP
*Life showing me I'm not in control...BAM! BOOM! POW!

Anyway...sigh...my pride makes me think too highly of myself and my insecurity makes me hate myself when I find out that the world doesn't respect me enough because I'm really not all that...

I forget that life is not about me.  I forget that the purpose of my existence is to follow Jesus.  I forget that all that is required of me is to: act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God. (Micah 6: 8)

I love the Amplified Version of this verse:

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you Except to be just, and to love [and to diligently practice] kindness (compassion), And to walk humbly with your God [setting aside any overblown sense of importance or self-righteousness]? Micah 6: 8

I especially love the last sentence in brackets.  It is time I set aside my overblown sense of importance...It's time to really pray for humility and for the Holy Spirit to grow the fruit of self-control in my soul.  I really do not want to be a grumpy old-lady.  I want to be humble enough to accept the fact that it is OK not to be perfect.  I want to be humble enough to accept that I do not have to be "all that." I want to be secured enough to know that my sense of worth comes from who I am in the Lord.

The quicker I accept my reality with humility, the quicker I would stop being mad at the world...the quicker I would become more of a colander and stop being such a big bowl.