Excessive Planning?

 Are you an "excessive planner"?  My devotional today says something that made me pause a bit:  "your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)  At first, I didn't think this really applied to me.  I've never really been much of a planner.  I mean, I know planners...and as they go...I am not one of them.  

Dan is a planner.  That man can plan all the way down to the second.  I still remember our first...and our second trip to Disney.  He had colored-coded schedules that included everything, from the moment we'd wake up, the bus we would take, the park we would go to, the rides we would ride in specific order, the meals we would eat and the pennies we would spend.  It was hilarious!  But it worked.  Looking back, he was afraid we would waste all that money and not get a good return from what we invested.  He manages our finances as well.  It took many years for me to get used to his color-coded spreadsheet budget.  Again, he does it because he is afraid we would mismanage our income.  And I am extremely thankful that he takes such good care of us.  I could not do it.  I am not that detailed.

This is why I didn't think the sentence from my devotional applied to me.

On second thought, though...when I include the element of "fear" as a reason for planning, I can think of some instances when the word "excessive" does overtake my actions.

For instance, I can spend days obsessing over what I would say to someone who has made me feel threatened in any way.  It happened not too long ago with my boss.  It is happening now in a more personal situation.  I feel someone is a threat to me or one of my loved ones, and in my fear, I invest countless hours rehearsing in my mind or even writing down the things I would say to that person if the opportunity would come up.  I excessively and obsessively plan every word...every syllable...every pause-for-effect...every look I'd give...given the opportunity to confront the one I perceive as a threat.  I lose touch with reality and it becomes really difficult for me to let go...and just let God take control.

Over the years, I have tried to learn to recognize that obsessive planning mode as a form of idolatry.  And I am learning to stop myself from spending useless hours and days excessively plotting my "revenge."  But it is difficult.  My devotional says this tendency hinders our "intimacy with Our Lord."  And that once we realize we are slipping down its slippery road, we must repent and return to His Presence...and trust that He is in control.

I guess I'm not the color-coded-type of excessive planner Dan is.  I'm not as detailed-oriented when it comes to my obsessions.  But, I am just as vicious.  

I pray the Lord's loving hand will guide me and all of us who struggle with our reactions to fear so we can learn to lean on His Power and Trust in His Plans: the only perfect ones.  In the Precious Name of Jesus...The One Who Traces Our Path.  Amen.

I Need You Every Hour

 Happy Easter to everyone!

I am so grateful for Jesus, I have no words.  His Sacrifice...His Death on the Cross...His Glorious Resurrection...His Gift of the Holy Spirit...how would I ever survive walking through this valley of shadows and pain without the Hope of Jesus?  Without His sustaining Presence?

I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee

This song by Fernando Ortega came to my mind yesterday as I read my devotional where it said:  

"I have designed you to need Me moment by moment."

WOW...that sure is true in my life.  I do need You, Jesus every single moment of my life.  Your Presence is my only source of peace.  It is only by coming closer to You that the peace that surpasses all understanding can overflow my soul.  Any other claims to be the fountain of peace are flawed: financial stability, home security, food safety, relationships, health, youth...none of these can provide the peace that Christ can offer...because peace is not a thing to be attained.  Peace is a Person to be known.

The Apostle Paul reminds us, in what are some of my most favorite verses, to surrender it all to Jesus in hopeful expectation for the floodgates of peace to be opened:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6-7

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4: 16

I need You every hour, every hour I need You, indeed, My Blessed Savior...I come to You! Thank you for who You Are, Lord.  Thank You for considering me worthy of Your sacrifice.  Thank You for Your love that sees me as someone worth saving.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Protected by His Angels

Do you believe that God uses others to activate His protection over you to keep you from making mistakes that could sink you like the Titanic?

I sure do! 

This past week was very stressful at work.  

That statement is becoming more and more common and I don't like it.  

I am so looking forward to summer break. I even cancelled the class I was supposed to teach during summer session because I don't really want work interfering with me getting some rest and relaxation.  A couple of days ago, however, I made a mistake that had the potential of ruining any hope for smoother sailing at work, let alone a peaceful summer break.

I was so angry at something that had happened to me which had hurt my pride deeply...that I wrote a letter of complain.  By God's grace, I shared the letter with a dear and trusted friend/colleague who had the clarity of mind to tell me not to send it.  The problem was, that by the time she tried to reach me to tell me not to send it...I had already submitted it.  I was so angry I hand-delivered it because I wanted it to get to the recipient's hands without delay.  I didn't see my friend's urgent messages and phone calls until almost an hour and a half later.  When I finally saw them...I knew I had made a very costly mistake.  God, however, had other plans.  I ran to the office of the intended recipient and he hadn't come in yet so I was able to pull the letter and avert the crisis.  

[Insert a deep sigh of relief...]

The more I thought about it and talked about it with my friend later...the more I realized how God had delivered me from great evil...and how He had used her to activate His protection over me.  So I stand here, in the middle of my stress...still making plans for a restful summer, rather than planning strategies on how to get out of the grave I'd dug for myself given my unchecked prideful response.

Praise the Lord!

You never know who or what ... but we do know that He will extend His hand of protection over us according to His plan.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. Psalm 91: 11

His Power in Us

 The sky is blue this morning and the sun is out...what a gift! I am so tired of being in the middle of this fight between winter and spring.  It would be nice if the Ref would settle it and declare spring the winner already, wouldn't it?

At any rate, it's been a while since I've had a chance to visit these pages.  I have been so buried in work that I don't even know what day it is.  I'm not joking.  Most days, I have to really, really think and look at the calendar to try to figure out if it is Wednesday or Friday.  I can't wait for this semester to be done and over with.  Four more weeks of class and finals week...I wonder if I'll have the strength to get through them...

Have you ever felt like that? Have you felt as if you have no strength left...?

I'm sure you have.  

I think women, for the most part, have a tendency to wear themselves out until they are so depleted that fatigue is the only thing they can feel anymore.  It's like we are always running on empty...kind of like our cars now that gas is so expensive.  

The good news is, we don't have to rely on our own source of strength.  As a matter of fact, in our weakness, at our worst...in those moments of complete exhaustion, when we are drained and on our last leg...those are the moments when God's strength is magnified in us.  Let's just rejoice in that fact as we take a few minutes to pause and savor...truly internalize God's Word telling us:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12: 9

What a marvelous truth.  May the Holy Spirit help us absorb this knowledge in a way that it gets written in our hearts and minds so that when we spiral down that road of emotional bankruptcy and energy depletion, we remember it.  May His Name be Glorified in us as we continue to walk on this weary land.  Praise You, Lord Jesus for being our source of strength and power.  Amen! 

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers"

 This morning's devotional contained ideas that resonate with my current professional life in disturbing ways.  The short reading referred to the danger of gifts that come with strings attached, and how churches and religious organizations should resist the temptation of accepting contributions that require them to blur, relegate or even to completely ignore and erase the Christian mission and purpose which are their very reason for existence.  I couldn't agree more with this warning.  I've seen it happening with my own eyes...but...what truly grabbed me was the fact that the writer of the devotional reading linked this concept with 2 Corinthians 6: 14:

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Maybe it's just me, but this is the first time I see this verse referenced in a context that is not regarding marriage and personal relationships.  And that intrigued me to no end.  The more I've been thinking about it, the more I'm realizing that, indeed, this command is not just valid in romantic and intimate partnerships.  This realization has also become a true slap on the face to me because I am unequally yoked together with unbelievers professionally...

I read a few commentaries on the subject and, even though they mostly explain this verse also within the context of marriage, it is clear to me that it extends beyond into any venture in which believers join with unbelievers...and the result is always the same: the union produces a snare and much distress.  And, I sure can attest to that.  I feel the powerful snare of my job wrapped around my neck, chocking me...because of my dependence on it, and the thought is revolting.

Sigh...

I kept reading more commentaries, and many coincided on the notion of the inevitability of co-habitation.  This means basically that, even though we cannot avoid seeing, hearing and being among unbelievers, as we all inhabit this world, the key is to stay alert and not to choose to be intimate with them...which in contexts outside of personal relationships may mean to avoid joining in their causes, efforts and aims.  In other words, we must stay away "from all conformity to the corruptions of this present evil world." (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary)

The way I see it, this is all related to what Jesus prayed about right before He was arrested, according to John 17: 14-15, where He prayed for His disciples:

14 I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.

We cannot avoid being in the world...but we must remember we are not of the world any more than Jesus is from the world.  His prayer is not to take us out of the world, but for protection while we journey in this world of evil.  That's why Paul tells us in Romans 12: 2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Like a woman married to an unbeliever, and not having the resources and strength to leave him...I know I am not strong enough to refuse the yoke when my sustenance depends on it.  However, I trust that the Holy Spirit will empower me when the moment comes.  Maybe this meditation is part of the preparation...I don't know...but, my prayer is that I can obey and not to conform to the patterns of this world, and of my workplace...not to join in the efforts and aims of my employer ... that I will be able to discern where to draw the line, and that when the line is right in front of me, Christ gives me the strength to not cross it...so I may be found within the ranks of the Lord when the trumpet calls.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, Our Refuge, Provider, Source of Power and Strength.  Amen!

How Can it Be?

This morning, chatting over texts with my sister who lives in Panama, both of us spent many paragraphs lamenting the many regrets we have had in our journey through motherhood. Remembering our missed opportunities and many mistakes over the years made us feel inadequate and undeserving. After our pity party the Holy Spirit led us to conclude that God knows what He is doing always. He knew what He was doing when He assigned us to be the mothers of our boys. He knows who we are...He knows our many flaws...He knew we would make all the mistakes we have made and will continue to make...and even so...He commissioned us to be the mothers of these young men we call our sons. I don't understand it...but often, we don't have to...we just trust He is the Divine Architect and that His plans are perfect.

Thinking about our many regrets brought me to Zephaniah 3: 17...a verse I don't read as often as I should...a verse that confuses me and leaves me dumbfounded...a verse that is such a gift to the soul.

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3: 17

What glorious words! Who am I that the God of Gods and King of Kings...the Ruler of All would delight in me to the point of no longer rebuking me, but rejoicing with singing over me...what a marvelous thought.  How could it be?  How can it be that He would delight over me with singing...me...such a wretched like me...How can it be that He would think of me...that He would die for me...

That is the Mystery of Easter.  That is the Gift of the Cross.  That is the Wonder of Grace.

There's no explanation.  We are completely undeserving of such Love.  This is when we realize it is not about us, who we are or what we have done.  It is all about Him, who He is and what He has done and continues to do.  It is about His Nature not ours.  It is for His glory not our own.  It is so we would have no doubt Who the King really is.  It is so we lift Him up as we fade in the background.

I don't think my mothering will improve much in the time I have left to be a Mom on this earth...I know I will continue to make mistakes and do things I regret.  I know I will still feel inadequate.  But, I hope I remember, I am loved beyond measure no matter what.  I pray I remain tuned into the frequency of Our Lord so I can hear Him singing over me.  What a wonderful thought that is.  He is Mighty to Save.  He is with us.  He rejoices in us.  May the Holy Spirit never let us forget this truth.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

"Sanconcho"

This past weekend I made "Sancocho," a traditional soup that people in Panama make when they have big family gatherings and any type of celebration, to share with whoever shows up for a meal.  It's not a fancy dish.  It is the soup of the people.  Rosa makes me that soup every time I visit her at her home in Panama.  It's filled with goodness, love and a side of white rice.  Nothing says home to me like a bowl of "Sancocho."  There's two versions, chicken or beef "sancocho."  My favorite is beef: "Sancocho de Res," and that's the one I made this weekend to celebrate spring break!  Every spoonful transports me to a time when life was simpler and carefree.  I didn't have much, but I was surrounded by the warmth of my people. "Sancocho" is always made in a big pot...the largest one you can find precisely because it is meant for sharing...because it's meant to build community...even if in a most humble way.

Today, as I ponder the scary things that are happening in the world, in our cities, towns, neighborhoods and families, I long for the days of simplicity...when a bowl of soup and a little bit of rice was all we needed to have a good time.  Making this soup brough up a deep-seated melancholy for a life without rush and ambition...making this soup also made me think of the story of "Stone Soup."

I remember the first time I heard of the "Stone Soup" story...it was at the New Castle Public Library's summer story hour.  We loved to go to the library in the summer for the summer reading program when the boys were little.  Even Dylan, who is not...a reader...every time we drive by the New Castle Public Library mentions it and spends some time reminiscing...

This morning, I think of the moral of this story, and of the importance of its lesson: sharing what little we have for the benefit of all.  It's the lesson of the feeding of the 5,000...it's the lesson of not hanging on so tightly to what we have because in letting go...in opening our hands and releasing the grip, we are filled up and renewed.  If the boy in the story of the feeding of the 5,000 hadn't showed up, Jesus would have still been able to feed the crowd, no problem...but...how much greater a lesson it is for us knowing that the selfless action of a young man led to such an amazing display of the power of solidarity and mercy. (John 6: 1-15)

Whether it is a bowl of Panamanian "Sancocho" with white rice, or "stone soup," or a feast of bread and fish enough to feed a town...I pray that the current instability of the world and around us would moves Christians to look inside and take the steps the Lord is calling us to take, in our own unique ways, for the benefit of all.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!