Summer Meditations: Hanging On to Scriptures

I began these meditations on Psalm 139 earlier in August because of my constant struggles with insecurities. A deep-rooted sense of inadequacy is my constant companion. I feel like a fraud most of the time. Voices in my head yell at me things like: “You are a horrible Mother and the worst wife in the world!” “You call yourself a teacher? HA! You have no clue what you are doing!” “With friends like you, who needs enemies?” “You are a terrible sister and you were a bad daughter!” “You neglected your parents and now they are gone! You abandoned your siblings, now they hate you!” “You don’t know how to be an aunt.” “You do not deserve to be called a child of God!”

Sigh…

There is so much screaming going on in my head, I’m going deaf! I suffocate in the turbulent waters of my inner blame, product of my own self-creation and inability to make the noise stop.

I need to drown those voices, but I can’t…I cannot do it on my own. The Holy Spirit is the Only One who can silence, once and for all, the lies that bounce on the walls of my mind day in and day out. And I believe, the best tool of the Spirit to accomplish this divine task is to flood my brain with the Living Waters of the Word of God.

Here’s where precious pieces of Scripture such as Psalm 139 come into action…as a lifeline, a lifesaver…to which we hang on in order to stay afloat, until we realize we are truly standing on the Solid Rock…until we get our bearings back, and realize that we were always standing on the Solid Rock…for that sense of drowning, drifting and despair were nothing more than the deceiving work of the enemy.

No matter how I may feel about myself. No matter how inadequate I think I am. No matter how worthless I believe I am. No matter how much of a fraud I consider myself. There is nothing that can separate me for the love of God:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD. Romans 8: 38-39

I claim these words as my own. I hang on to them for dear life. And I use them as my banner, because His banner over me is love! (Song of Solomon 2: 4)

Psalm 139 stands as a reminder to all of us who struggle with insecurities about whatever, that He knows us…He knows us better than anyone, even than ourselves…because He made us. And in spite of knowing everything about ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly, He declares us marvelous! Therefore, we are! He loves us and He says we are wonderful, because we are wonderful in Him, regardless of what the world may think.

So, as we allow our minds and hearts to be filled with and by the Way, the Truth and the Life there will be no room for guilt… no place for self-hate… no space for the voices of the enemy…no darkness…Only Jesus and His Light!