By the way… on top of all the insecurities I struggle with regarding my sense of inadequacy due to my temperament and personality, I also struggle with insecurities about my weight…sigh…
I used to be skinny when I was young…now I’m not anymore… I am neither skinny nor young… I used to be able to shed pounds in days… now, it takes me weeks to lose one, if I’m lucky… and the first place I notice when the pounds pack up is in my clothes. I hate trying on a pair of jeans or a shirt I have not worn in a while because I know it won’t fit anymore. The very thought of the image of me trying to squeeze into a piece of clothing that has been sitting in my closet for a few months is terrifying. And inevitably, no matter how much I might love the particular garment…no matter how special it is… no matter how many wonderful memories the piece evokes in my soul… I discard it rather than trying it on and finding out it is too small…
Something similar happens when I think about my walk with the Lord. When I read about how the Almighty clothes us in His righteousness, I squirm. I squirm because I don’t think such a royal garment fits someone like me.
I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61: 10
No matter how much I delight in my God, I often, tend to discard the garments He has made for me because I have a hard time believing this divine robe is truly fitted to a sinner of my caliber.
How can He really adorn me as a bride if I am such a fraud…
The thing is that I am only a fraud in my eyes. I look at myself with the eyes of the world, rather than with the eyes of the Spirit. I have to see myself with the eyes of He who is greater than the world! (1 John 4: 4) It is time for me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind and stop conforming to the patterns of this world that only cause me to have a distorted perception of my own image. Instead, I need to pray for discernment, keep my eyes firmly on Christ, abide in His Word and trust Him so I can know the truth that will set me free! (Romans 12: 2/John 8: 31-32)
In order to help me with the process of renewing my mind and transforming my perspective so I can see my true self, I will spend a few days going over Psalm 139, one of my very favorite Psalms, one that contains profound truth about who I am to God… about who we are to Him!
So, if you’d like, let’s start by reading Psalm 139 in its entirety today. Then, we’ll begin going over it tomorrow, how is that? Maybe, together we can finally, if you are like me, go grab that Divinely-Made Robe we have been keeping in a remote corner of our closets, collecting moth holes, and put it on, ‘cause no matter what we might think…this one will surely fit!
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
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