Summer Meditations: Make Me New, Lord!

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

As we come to the end of Psalm 139 I am standing on the dawn of my first day back to work after a wonderful summer. I’m typing these words just minutes before I have to go get dressed, and I can’t help but being nervous about the new semester.

I look back at the summer months, running around with the kids…having fun…waking up every morning filled with the joy of carefree days…and I feel my heart become seriously melancholic. I love summer!!!!

Today, on the other hand, I wake up, stomach full of butterflies, head full of anxious thoughts. The fear of another stressful semester threatens to consume me…sigh…the fear of another season of self-doubt and sense of inadequacy threatens to paralyze me…

I want to be intentional, however…I want to be intentional about casting all my anxieties onto the Lord…I want to be intentional about trusting Him!

I want Him to search me once again, and know my heart. I want Him to test me, know my anxious thoughts and see if there is any offensive way in me, so He can wash it all away along with my fears and insecurities. I want Him to show me when I am being judgmental and self-righteous, as He gently reminds me to be humble, gentle and kind, displaying the fruits of the Spirit who is seriously working hard in me. I want Him to make me new. And I want Him to lead me in the way everlasting.

I have to go now, but tomorrow we will conclude our walk along the verses of Psalm 139 with a reminder that we are wonderful, regardless of what we might think of ourselves.