I was the poster child of awkwardness. I was tall and skinny...and when I say skinny, I mean...well...you know...flat! I was a late bloomer and I didn't know what to do with my body. I didn't know how to handle myself in a social situation. I didn't know how to talk to boys. I didn't know how to walk by myself...I felt like I had too many arms and legs. On top of all that, I had a very, super strict Dad that didn't allow me to go to parties or gatherings...etc. etc. etc.
Emotionally, I felt as if I was in a never-ending rollercoaster. Basically, I spent my teen-years permanently nauseated and alone.
I don't know why I'm surprised my boys take after me. Dylan not so much...but Grant...poor thing. He is so much like me, in that sense. He is a lot like my Father, actually. Thankfully, not the temper, since that has been mellowed by Dan's genes...but many physical and some emotional traits that Grant displays come straight from his paternal Grandfather.
At any rate, my point is that neither of my boys like to invite kids to our house. I don't know why, but they just don't. Dan and I have been going crazy about this topic for years. Today, I think I had an epiphany.
Reading chapter 5 of the book You're Going to Be Okay, by Holley Gerth this morning, I saw something that made me go "hmmmm..."
"In place of expectations, Jesus gives us invitations. He tells us, 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' (Matthew 11:28) And what burdens us more than expectations?"
The thing is, at least from where I sit, invitations DO imply expectations... don't they?
I don't know about you, but when I get invited to something, there always seem to be an unwritten expectation implied there somewhere. You know what I mean? An invitation to a Baby Shower, a Wedding, a Birthday party, all imply a gift (no matter how many times the hostess/host say to me, "NO gifts, please!" I feel funny showing up empty-handed).
Invitations also carry out an expectation regarding behavior. There are codes of conduct passed down from Mothers to Daughters to Granddaughters about how one is to behave when invited somewhere: don't be loud and obnoxious! Clean up after yourself! Don't be messy! Be respectful! Say please and thank you! Don't ask for ANYTHING! Eat what you are given and don't ask for something different! DON'T EMBARRASS ME!!!!!!
There are emotional expectations as well. I remember that for the longest time I did not want to attend any Baby Showers. Dealing with infertility marks a woman for life. And no matter how much I rejoiced in the bliss of others...there was something inside that broke every time I heard that someone else got pregnant without a hitch, someone else, who wasn't me...maybe this is just me who feels this way...I apologize for generalizing...but that was my reality (there is a faint part of me that still breaks even today...)
ANYWAY! What's my point here?
Invitations do carry expectations. Therefore, they are stressful!!!
There, I said it.
That's why my kids don't want to invite their friends to our home. Because, first, they are my children, so they always expect the worst. Hence, they are expecting to be rejected. Second, what if miraculously, their friends want to come to our house, what then? The expectations of providing for a fun and delightful time are too much to bear. They don't think they could possibly be fun enough to keep their friends entertained enough to not go telling others how lame an afternoon at the Dieters' was! They feel inadequate to provide what is expected of them while entertaining friends.
An invitation from Jesus...WOO...I don't even know what to do with that? How am I supposed to behave? What gifts am I supposed to bring? Talk about an emotional rollercoaster!!!!
I am not enough to give what I'm expected to give in order to accept Jesus' invitation to come to Him...
Sigh...
Like our Pastor says: "The Good News Is..."
Those expectations are ours, not His. The expectations about the behavior, the gifts, the emotional stability that we are placing on Christ's invitation are self-fabricated. We place the burden of such expectations upon our weary shoulders ourselves. He simply says, "come to me."
This invitation does not carry any expectations other than it being open to "all who are weary and burdened."
That's the only requirement. Are you weary? Check. Are you burdened? Check, check. Then, GO already!
The work is His. The expectations are ALL ON HIM! He is the One who has taken it upon Himself to cleanse us and make us new:
“Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool." Isaiah 1: 18
All we need to do is go to Him with the gift of our burdens, our weariness, our brokenness. Jesus will not despise me, or my sacrifice:
He will not despise me, no matter how awkward I am. He will not go around gossiping about how lame, boring, stale, ugly, poor, rich, beautiful, shy, outgoing, exciting, hard working, good servant, lazy I am. He will not reject me, no matter how lost I am...because the invitation is to come to Him, just as I am.
We expect too much. We burden ourselves with expectations. Let's just learn from Jesus and be humble about what we expect of ourselves and of others. Let's exhale and give praises to the One Who Makes Us Free!
Thank you and praise You, Lord Jesus for your open arms. Help me to accept Your invitation and come running to You!
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