Sigh... it's out...
I know it's not healthy. I know all the damage it causes. I know I will be paying for my habit dearly. I know I need to quit. I can't make myself stop...
In regards to food addictions, this is my fiercest battle. It wasn't always Pepsi. It began with Coca Cola. When I was a little girl, my parents used to get a case of Coca Cola bottles a week. The Coca Cola truck actually delivered...just like the milk and the bread...they delivered Coca Cola to our neighborhood. Now that I think about it, it was crazy! My sister and I used to anxiously wait with the empty crate by the door for the old truck to show up so we can make the trip down the driveway to exchange our crate full of empty bottles for a new one, gleaming with the dark liquid and shiny red bottle caps. Yes, they were glass bottles with bottle caps that we had to remove with a an actual bottle opener that we had installed in the kitchen.
Ahhhh...the memories of the burn of the cold drink going down my throat in the hot days in Panama are unforgettable. Perhaps, they are unforgettable due to the fact that the liquid is still going down my throat every day!
I have stopped for periods of time. But it only takes one little, tiny sip for the chain to tighten around my neck again...ever so much stronger than before.
Like it happens with issues that bring us shame and make us uncomfortable, I avoid confronting it. I feel guilty about it, so I see condemnation everywhere. I actually experience a great deal of resentment when I'm forced to face the issue. For example, I hate it when people point out to me the awful habit that it is for me to drink "that stuff." I hate reading well-intentioned, health articles and books that talk about it. I hate it when I perceived dirty looks as I enjoy my liquid poison. I've never really written about this addiction to cola products for the same reason...denial. But it's time. I'm hoping that today is my first step toward allowing Christ to finally free me from this addiction and win the battle for good.
What prompted me to open up about this was, once again, the book You're Going to Be Okay, by Holley Gerth. She talks about the need to connect the spiritual part of our being with the physical part. We pray that God heals us, but often there is a disconnect as to how we see ourselves. Sometimes, two things may happen: on one hand, we could be overly spiritual and neglect our bodies...on the other, we could be just all about our bodies and neglect the spiritual. The answer, as it usually seems to happen, is found in balance. God is sovereign over both areas. He created them and He watches over all of us, not just one aspect...and so should we.
Author Holley Gerth speaks about this disconnect. She says how we tend to separate our spiritual and physical lives, but that in reality, we need to close that gap. She recommends that we start doing this by asking God to be involved in taking care of our bodies just like He is in other parts of our lives.
That was the moment when my mind went straight to my bad habit of drinking cola products. I need to close the gap! I need to tap into the source of power that could break this habit and enlist God's help right away!
Why haven't I done this before? Well, because, deep inside of me, I don't want to quit! I like my Pepsi and my Coca Cola too much! I don't want to give it up! And I know that once I take the step to get God involved, He will act and it will be bye, bye to my refreshing daily treats...
The thing is that, like with any addiction, it is an area that controls me...in other words, it is an area of my life that I have not surrendered to God because I want to be lord over it...
I have resisted giving this bad habit to My Heavenly Father, because I don't want Him to be in control over it. I want to keep doing this...I like it to much...
Sigh...
Can you relate at any level to any of these?
Well, I will continue talking about this on the next post. I have to go and do some soul searching now. I hope to see you soon.
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