CALM

As far as Mondays go...today has been deeply melancholic one.  Back in Panama, people are in a 4-day party frenzi called "Carnavales," which ends tomorrow on what we call around here "Fat Tuesday."  My hometown happens to be one of those places in Panama where "Carnaval" is really big and crazy.  It didn't use to be like that when I was a child, though...it wasn't as wild and licentious as it is today.  Children used to be able to be part of it without much concern of them being exposed to inappropriate experiences.

So, my sister posted a picture of how things used to be when we were kids and that picture, inevitably, took us back to reminiscing about our dear Father.  And, to tell you the truth, I don't know if there will ever be a day when I don't get sad thinking about him.  The pain of not having him still stings deeply.  We were remembering how he used to have an old truck with blue, wood bed rails on the back.  So, for carnavales, he would get an old 55-gallon steel drum/barrel, fill it up with water and ice, pack all the cousins and go around town so the cousins could throw water at people (that used to be the main attraction of carnavales in Panama, which was delightful since this time of the year is really hot and dry down there.)

My Dad was never a party-guy, but he did enjoy doing this for the kids.  The memories are priceless... but they are also bittersweet...for they are only memories anymore.

Our parents are now long gone.  My sister and I are middle-age women, and we are miles apart...hence, the melancholic feeling of today.  To top this up, she just told me that our dear Aunt, one of my Mother's last remaining siblings is terribly ill and will need surgery soon.  The thought of losing her terrifies me because she represents the last tie to my Mother on this earth...once my aunt is gone...it will be as if my Mom is forever gone too...

All these also brings up to the front of my mind the fact that my thyroid check-ups are coming up in a few weeks...man...I just can't keep it together today...

Sigh...

So I dug out my church bulletin from yesterday, where I had taken some notes, and there it was:  "Jesus, please, calm the lingering effects of the storm."  I wrote down this prayer as I listened to the inspired words of our speaker, Lee Harris who once again offered his words to the congregation as our Pastor was still on a mission trip to Haiti. 

Lee talked to us about storms...and that was truly providencial.  His words come back to me, as today I feel, if not right in the middle of one, for sure, in its aftermath.  And the lingering effects are causing me to lose my balance.  My sea-legs are faltering.  But as I navigate the choppy waters, I remember to lift up my head...and what I see is the word CALM on the big screen of our Sanctuary.  Lee wrapped up his sermon that way...and I have it in my brain today as a clear reminder that there is no need to give in to fear and sadness.  The Holy Spirit of the One Whom the winds and the waves obey is in me.  The One Who is Lord over the storm lives in me... whom, then, shall I fear?

The direct and piercing questions of Jesus, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark 4: 40) echoe in my mind...

Please, Lord Jesus, increase my faith so the storm may not destroy me... drive the fear away and help me to trust You and be calmed.

As far as Mondays go...today is a melancholic one...but Praise the Lord for yesterday was Sunday and I have something to remind me I am not alone in the storm...