The thing is that, putting the picky tastes aside, when I give my sons and my dog, and my husband too, actually, food they like, they eat it! They don't question it. They don't wonder if I had poisoned it. They don't wonder if I put something weird in it that will make them pass out or lose their wits. Even when the food I'm giving them might make their stomachs unsettled or give them a sugar rush...when they sit down to eat it, they don't question my motives. We give Link a pill once a month, and we hide it in a piece of hot dog (BEST PILL POCKET EVAH!!!!) or in a piece of chicken...his personal favorite among all the meats...and he takes it... I mean, really, it could be a cyanide pill in there...he takes it! He doesn't stop to ponder our intentions for giving him the darn thing...my dog takes the pill...my kids eat the food ...
I don't think it has ever occurred to my sons to have the slightest or most remote thought that I could possibly mean them any harm when feeding them...even if my food is not that great! Link, our dog...even less...he doesn't have many thoughts, actually, and among the very few he might have, I am certain thinking I'm poisoning him is not one of them. If I could just feed him all day long, he'd be the happiest dog alive!
They don't think about the possibilities of any hidden motives in my scary head because of one thing: they trust me.
They don't question my intentions, because they trust me.
They are not afraid to take the food, except when it just looks or smells scary... just kidding... because they trust me.
They even take the pill, or the cough syrup, or the losegen that they don't particularly want to take, because I'm the one giving it to them and THEY. TRUST. ME.
And the reason they trust me is because they trust I love them...and because I love them, I would never do anything to harm them! And they know that! Of course, I'm not perfect, but I will do anything within my power and mind to never do anything to intentionally cause them pain or hurt...I know my actions often do end up harming them, but it is not intentionally done...it is the result of me being a sinner. All I want for my sons, my loved ones, my dog is good and beautiful things! And I will do whatever I can to give them those as much as possible! And they know that. They know my love, although imperfect, is extravagant!!!
Then...why do I have such trouble trusting God?
"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7: 9-12
Why can't I learn from the trust my sons and my dog exhibit for me? How come, if I am such a horrible sinner and even worst mother, my kids and my pet are able to still trust me, but I can't bring myself to fully and completely surrender my all to God once and for all...and just trust!?
Sigh...
Perhaps, it is because I trust myself too much. I have an inflated image of me and my abilities. I have a distorted vision of my powers. My eyesight has been blurred by my pride.
Holy Spirit, this Lent, please teach me to see...to truly see how You love me and how I am nothing without You. Please, teach me to abandon myself in You as I know You and trust You even in my darkest and scariest hour. Even as I become cold with the chill of anxiety, allow me to remember that You are my Good, Good, Father and that no matter what...You are with me, taking care of me each step of the way.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6
What a good point that we don't trust God as readily as your boys and your husband trust that the food you give them is good! I really want to trust God more!It was so good finding you again, Gisela!
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