All the Other Moms Were There...

"All the other Moms were there..." yep...this is what Dylan told me this afternoon when I asked him how his day was at our neighborhood's playground, hanging out with a bunch of kids from his class.  "All the other Moms were there..." except me...

I know he didn't mean it that way.  I know it was not a reproach from my young son.  It was a reproach of my own.

I got mad at myself for not being able to be there, with the other Moms, chit chatting about mundane, everyday whatevers.  I felt bad that I am so busy that even during summer, I'm stuck at the office.  I felt bad that I allow life to become about "to do" lists.  I felt bad that time is slipping away and my boys are becoming young men in front of my eyes ... and I might miss the whole thing...

I don't want to waste my time on things that do not matter!

Sigh...

As I was pounding myself on the head about these guilt-ridden thoughts, I remembered a devotional reading I came across this morning.  It was called, "The Antidote for a Weary Soul" by Alicia Bruxvoort.  The title caught my attention right away, but the lines that stayed with me had to do with lifting our eyes to marvel because that's what we were made for. 

She spoke about how she was so overwhelmed by the busyness of the day, that when her young son asked her to go chasing the sunset, she almost said no...but a thought made her change her mind:

"We who are created in the image of a marvelous God are made to marvel. And sometimes our quest for solace is really just an ache for awe."

I just love these words!!  "an ache for awe..."  Yes!  I am aching for awe in my life.  The problem is that I seek for it in all the wrong places.  The awe my soul yearns for is only found in the Divine.

"I'm a wonder-seeker lifting my eyes above my daily grind to get a glimpse of the divine," the writer said.  And I agree!  It is the Divine what I seek.  And nothing on this earth will fulfill that ache for wonder that leaves my heart wanting.  I must lift my eyes above my daily grind.  In order to do that, I need to stop feeling guilty, and surrender it all to My Lord.  As my dependence on Him becomes more and more evident, my illusion of self would dissipate, leaving only the image of Him that lives in me.

That's when the awe begins.

Dylan ended up having a blast at his get together with the kids today.  He is exhausted, but happy.  I was not there, with all the other Moms, but I'm here, enjoying his stories and marveling at this boy who is growing up into a handsome, strong young man...a gift from God Himself...to me...an undeserving woman who has a hard time taking the time to appreciate the grace bestowed upon her...

Only a Marvelous God would do that:  place these precious boys into my life to parent and to love...into my life, the life of someone so flawed and in such a need of mending that it's a wonder she can stand...how marvelous is that?  Praised be Our God!