Facebook-Perfect Life

Yesterday, I wrote about how pride is one of the main elements that fuel my insecurities...today, I think of another kindle, which once thrown into the fire, it ignites my self-doubt and sparks my sense of inadequacy as well:  envy.

I know I've often referred to myself as a type of Mommy Hulk... a green monster in itself.  Envy, however, is that other, age-old creature that is also closely linked to the color green.

Sigh...

It takes a very special...a TRULY special person to never feel, even a distant pinch of envy.  Maybe it's wishful thinking, and I am the rare one...which wouldn't be surprising at all!  But I do feel the attacks of the green monster of envy every now and then.  The problem is, that the chances to feel envy creeping into my heart are exponentially higher now, in today's social media era, than they were ever possible at any other time in our history. 

The readily available capability to instantly communicate to the entire world all that is going on in our lives has made it impossible to be unaware of how "the other half" lives!  We are constantly, 24/7 caught into the flux of news and posts.  We play games with people all over the world.  We have more "friends" now than we ever had before.  We follow and we seek out followers as if we were some kind of apocalyptic cult. We are permanently connected...yet...we've never felt so alone...

It is a paradox, I know...but, at least in my experience, it is true.

We are one with our cell phone, tablet, laptop, whatever.  We endlessly and mindlessly scroll down our devices in the social media of our choice.  We see more people than we ever imagined we ever could...but it is all done while we are sitting somewhere on our own.

And the thing is, that, at least to me personally, while I'm sitting, lonely, at a place where I need some distraction from my disappointing life, I scroll through a blurry collage showing people sporting their cool outfits, always smiling or being silly, embracing one another in love, posing at the amazing locations they are visiting during their vacation, eating the most delicious dishes imaginable, drinking the most colorful beverages, enjoying the most intricate treats...

I saturate my mind and eyes and soul with the sights of everyone else's life, which resembles an episode of a hip TV sitcom...and then I turn my eyes to my own pathetic life...and I crumble before the reality of my obscure, low-ratings existence, that resembles a low-budget amateur cable show that is about to be cancelled.

Sigh...

I envy the lives of those smiley-face-Facebook-friends who seemingly have it all together.

Double sigh...

The anxiety of envy crawls all over me when I see people having the vacations I'd like to have.  I worry about my kids, when I see how everyone else's kids are getting honored at the end of the school year (social media has replaced the refrigerator when it comes to hanging our kids' achievements), or are having fun with friends at the pool during lazy summer afternoons, while my kids' report cards are hidden at the bottom of the drawer of shame, and they are laying on the couch playing video games.  I get nervous about my marriage, when I see married couples having a blast, doing exotic activities, enjoying the outdoors, playing sports, basking in the sun...while Dan and I are just sitting right there, on the same couch next to our kids...wasting the time the same way they do.

I envy the Facebook lives of my friends!  Witnessing other people's fantasy lives triggers my deep insecurities...because I believe I'm not good enough to have a social media worthy life of my own.

Until I realize, that...perhaps...often...for them too, the Facebook life might also be just a fleeting mirage.

We only see one side of the social media coin.  We only see the side that people want to share.  Our postings are mostly about the things we want to showcase, not about the things we want to hide or that make us ashamed.  We share the things we are proud of, excited about, joyful for!  Typically, at least in my case, we tend to post pictures of our happy moments...not of our deepest and most personal sadness, disappointment, failure, disillusionment, depression, fear, loneliness...

However, one doesn't have to be a genius to know the truth:  regardless of how life might seem in the social media extravaganza, everybody is carrying a burden.  Regardless of how picture-perfect life might seem through the lense of Instagram...behind every smile, there was or there will be, at some point, also a tear ... a frown.

How do I keep social media from negatively affecting the way I feel about myself?  Cultivating contentment. 

Since I don't know how to do that...I must stop here and get back to it next time...I certainly need to pray about this more.  In the meantime, I will try to keep in mind the command to count others as more significant than myself so I can truly, honestly rejoice in their victories without allowing the green hues of envy to color my feelings.  I pray I am able to love others in a patient, tranquil, calm way that is kind and does not envy...for that is the only true way to fully love.