Who Is My Master?

"Who is Your Master?"
This was a question that Pastor Doug used to close today's sermon...even through YouTube, the question pierced my heart.  Why?  Because I fear the answer.

I would like to proclaim boldly that My Master is Jesus and that He is the Lord over all that I am...the truth is, however...I'm not sure.

There are many things, worldly things that compete with my desire to have Jesus as My Master.  I get distracted by the luring impact of that which promises a life of comfort and ease...which is one of my main goals in life:  to make my family and myself as comfortable as possible.  That's why I am so controlling, because I seek comfort so I try to manipulate things in order to achieve that elusive comfort that I so eagerly chase after.  I like things to go as planned because I think that my plans are those designed to bring the most comfort.  That's why, when things do not go as planned, I despair. 

That's the situation with the demolished plans for Grant's graduation.  I have been dreaming of these moments...the last couple of months of his Senior year in High School...with a tender heart.  I have been dreaming of all the details involved in celebrating this milestone in his life and mine.  I have been dreaming of enjoying and savoring his "lasts":  last Jazz Band concert, last chance to be in a High School Musical, last Marching Band Trip, Parade and Picnic, last (and first) prom, last day of school, last yearbook...let alone commencement and graduation party...when...the unthinkable happened:  everything got cancelled.

My heart broke (more than his, totally) and I went through a period of mourning, anger, frustration and disappointment (more than he did, totally again) because it wasn't comfortable.  The changes brought discomfort and crushed dreams.  My plans were tossed and the illusion of control vanished. 

Sigh...

Like Paul says in Romans 7: 18, the weakness of my flesh was revealed in my desire to seek after the things that were bringing me pleasure.  I had made all those things my idols.  Like always, I had the desire to do what I thought was right...but I had taken my eyes of Jesus and my ability to carry out the good was thwarted by the weakness of my resolve...by the weakness of my flesh... 

But the Lord, as He always does...in His unlimited patience and love has opened up my eyes and allowed me to arrive at a place where I can finally see that He is doing great things.  Grant is actually enjoying experiences he would have never had if all had gone according to my plans.  Had his last two months of High School been "normal" he would have missed the special celebratory tributes and attention he is getting.  From yard signs at the house and school, special banners, t-shirts, and featured pictures in multiple Facebook pages to the kindness of strangers sending him gifts in the mail and well-wishes all around.  None of that would had happened, had my plans stayed intact.

I believe Grant is having an extra special last two months of being a Senior in High School, making memories filled with meaning and love, which he will never forget...and neither will I.

The Lord is Faithful, even when we're not.  He IS Our Master, even if we try to put other things on the throne.  And even though my flesh is weak, He is strong, and in my weakness, He gives me strength, and He causes me to return my eyes to Him, so I can focus on His Face as I forget the idols I have planted all along.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the clarity to know in my heart and soul that He is My Lord...My Savior...My Master...In the Precious Name of Jesus, Amen!