Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Contemporary Christian singer, Francesca Battistelli, has a fun and profound song called “Free to be me.”  Though not a new song, it has been playing in the “mental MP3 player” of my brain for more than a few days now.  It wasn’t, however, until I heard it for the umpteenth time that one short little line really stroke a cord in me.  The line sits humbly tucked in at the end of the chorus.  The whole stanza goes like this:

'Cause I got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own, I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me and You're free to be You .

The phrase that all of a sudden caught my spiritual attention was the very last one, which says:  “and You’re free to be You.”  My reaction when I finally “heard” this statement was one of shock.  I was stunned and semi-paralyzed by the words.  “What in the world…?  What does the songwriter meant by this?  When isn’t God free to be Himself?  There are no snares that bind the hands of God!  Have I been singing around tunes of blasphemous lyrics?”  All these thoughts raced through my mind at that moment; and it wasn’t until I quiet myself down that I was able to begin to really contemplate what the statement might mean. 

Then, it hit me.  It’s all about our lack of faith.  I have faith in God and I believe the Word; but I have a lack of faith in myself and I doubt that the Lord can actually make any good use me, clumsy, hysterical, angry, impatient, impulsive, explosive, unkind, insensitive, selfish me.  I struggle seeing how and why He would waste His precious time on me, when there are thousands of other Christians way better than I.  I struggle with being able to live by faith and not by sight.  I see the sin, the depravation, the corruption, the injustice, the godlessness and the perversion in this world and I become anxious, afraid, and disheartened.  I see my children in disapproval of their actions and I let myself crumble in worries about what will become of their lives, rather than trust in Him who has a plan for them, a good and perfect plan to benefit them and not to harm them, to give them a future and hope.  I see the economy being so bad and I panic thinking about the horrible financial situation all around us, rather than to breathe in the presence of He who works out all things together for the good of those who love Him and put their trust in Him.  I see my loved ones hurting and I despair rather than rejoice in Him who makes all things new.  I allow myself to immerse in disillusionment because of what I see rather than rejoice in the True Hope of the Bright Morning Star and all His promises.

If I can only trust Him more, I would see everything through the eyes of faith.  I would see that he carries me on His shoulders.  I would see that He created each one of us the way we are with a clear and perfect purpose in mind.  A purpose that could only be fulfilled by the power of His hand, which is the One that formed us in our mother’s womb and is the only one that knows how to work this complicated “gadget” that is us. 

I am truly “clumsy on my own.”  There is no way I can do, whatever it is that The Maker designed me to do, if I don’t do it by His hand.  So, yes, on His shoulders I can see that I am free to be me.  I can also see, that if I don’t start really, truly living by faith, letting go, and surrendering my all to Him, I am not letting Him be free to do what He has to do in me and through me in order to fulfill His purpose for my life.  I have to let go of my desire to perfectly control the process and outcome of everything in my life so He can be free to lead me toward where He wants me to go.  It is not until I surrender to Him, that I will be free to be me, the me that he designed, the clumsy, insensitive, impatient, angry, impulsive, explosive, unkind, selfish me, that only could be used for the good of the Kingdom of God if on His shoulders.  I am free to be me, for He made me this way.  But only guided by Him, I would really be free to do any good in this moment in the timeline of the Kingdom of Heaven that belongs to me.  Only by living life by faith and not by sight, I will let Him be free to be God in my life. 

⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight.  2 Cor. 5:7