Group Test

So the cloud of the LORD was over the tabernacle by day, and fire was in the cloud by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel during all their travels. Exodus 40: 38

I absolutely love the last verse of the book of Exodus in the Old Testament.  It is a testimony to how Our Great and Awesome God is always, constantly and unconditionally with us.  And, I need messages like this as I tremble and shudder at the current world situation.  

I've always been a person who likes to feel in control.  Dan says I'm like a dictator.  Well...I wouldn't go that far...but, in a way, I am.  I do like controlling things, people and events.  Life has taught me, however, over and over again, that I must not be like that.  I need to learn to let go of the reigns and relent my desire to be so controlling.  And today's world crisis with the coronavirus is the mother of all lessons. This is like my dissertation defense.  If I pass, I will get my PhD on letting go.  I remember that day.  The day I had my dissertation defense in front of a committee of pompous/elitist/larger-than-life professors who sat in a semi-circle facing me, ready to pounce at my every argument, waiting for me to stumble and fall so they could confirm that I was not worthy of  being granted a PhD.  All through this inquisition, I was able to divert every flaming arrow and occasionally even hit back.  The reasons I could do that? I knew my topic inside and out...I knew I had Dan outside waiting for me, ready to catch me regardless of the outcome, and I knew The Holy Spirit was in me, present always.

As I see my plans shattered on the floor, and I can't even pick up the pieces to put something back together again, I think about how the Lord has been preparing me for a time like this.  For years He has been trying to teach me the lesson of trusting Him above any circumstance...so I could take this exam now.  I walk into the room of testing not knowing anything else other than the assurance of His Presence, His constant and unfailing presence in me, and the fact that I am not alone.  He has given me a family to walk with me and to hold on to as the exam takes place.  I know my subject well.  And the main point is that I don't know anything other than the truth of Jesus, and that the only certainty is my need to seek Him first and keep my eyes on Him.  

The funny thing about this dissertation defense is that it is not just me going through it.  It is the entire world.  It's like a group test (which my students always ask me for and I say NO).  We are not alone in the conference room facing ruthlessness by ourselves!  We have each other to hang onto as the Lord leads our every step.  We can do this!  We know what to do.  We know that if He stuck by the Israelites regardless of their nagging, fickleness, grumbling, immaturity, faithlessness and disobedience, He will stick by us too.  His Presence is with us.  All we have to do is Trust.  As we trust, even those control-freaks like me, will learn to let go. 

Dear Lord, as we travel through this world crisis with the coronavirus and all the ramifications of the current situation, we trust You are with us.  We trust You love us.  We trust nothing can separate us from You loving arms.  We trust You are Good and Faithful.  We trust You will calm our fears and turn them into faith.  We trust that at the end of this journey, we will be stronger, closer to You and victorious.  We know a PhD will be nothing compared to the honor and glory of being found under the shadow of Your Wings. Keep us there, Dear Lord.  Keep us near.  Give us a special awareness of Your Presence so our souls can find peace.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.  Amen! 

Surrender Your Struggles to Him

"What are you struggling with?" Asked our Pastor today during the online worship service.  Boy, can I write volumes on my struggles, especially right now.  I mean, I haven't been able to go shopping in like three weeks, and instead, I've been stuck in the kitchen trying to keep everyone fed, and no going to the movies!!! The struggle is real!

However, I don't think that's what he meant.

Pastor Doug was actually talking about meditating on sin that we are struggling to surrender to Our Lord and Savior. 

Sigh...yeah...I got those struggles too...

One comes to mind right away: gossip.  The last couple of months have been filled with issues at work, and the way I have been dealing with those issues is by gossiping.  I have been calling it "venting."  In reality, though...the more I think about it...the more I realize I have been indulging in gossiping.  I've called it "discussing."  But, there is no way to disguise it.  It has been plane and simple gossip.

I am ashamed.  I am convicted.  It's time to surrender.

I went for a long walk by myself this afternoon, taking advantage of the rare, beautiful weather...and at the end, I said to Him: I surrender it to You.  I am sorry about the way I have acted, and I surrender it to You, Lord. 

A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

Now, the thing is...what am I going to do...how am I going to react when those with whom I commiserate and  share my gossiping want to dive into yet another session?  I am praying that My Lord takes the wheel and reigns in my tongue so I can stay out of it.  The first step...not to instigate it.  Hopefully this will help the gossiping sessions to never start...then, surrender it again, so the Holy Spirit can take hold of me and guide me out of it.

Sigh...

Well, thank you, Pastor Doug for bringing this up today.  I pray that I am strengthened by Christ to resist and not to fall into the temptation of my struggle, and to help me to surrender it all, over and over again, until it is not a struggle anymore.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Are We in a Horror Movie?

Dylan:  "why do we keep watching all these movies about outbreaks, and flu, and viruses and pandemics?"

Crickets...

It's true, we have been on a roll, watching all that streaming services have to offer which are pandemic-themed, and we couldn't answer Dylan's question as to "why."

The rules of the game have changed and continue to change.  The entire world is on lockdown.  People are confined to their homes.  Jobs and businesses are up in the air.  People are worried about where the next paycheck is coming from.  Supply chains are threatened.  Scarcity looms in the air. Graduation plans are postpone.  Senior year is ruined.  Vacation plans have been canceled.  Kids are preparing to go to cyberschool.  Fear is running rampant.

It feels almost as if we had been taken out of the world we were used to, and dropped into one of those dystopian/post apocalyptic-society movies we've been binging on...dropped into a foreign universe where things don't look familiar and life feels really strange.

How are we supposed to deal with all these? 

The Israelites were captive in Egypt for some 400 years or so.  They were slaves, but they were used to it.  Generations had been born in that environment, which didn't know life could be any other way.  Then, along comes in this Moses guy saying that He was sent by the God of Their Fathers to lead them out of captivity into the promised land...okay...sure...

Shortly after, the entire Israelite nation (thousands upon thousands by then) found itself in the wilderness...wandering...with a Pillar of Light leading them in what seemed like circles...so, complaining, grumbling and whining became the thing to do:  what are we going to eat? What are we going to drink?  We're sick of this Mana, we want meat!  We can't see God, let's make a golden calf to have something tangible to worship.  Moses face is to bright.  He's scaring us, cover it up! Why did you have to take us out of Egypt?  For what? So we could die in the desert?

What did God do?  He kept them busy.

He gave them strict rules to follow:  do all that is in this list and you will be OK.  And He gave them work to do:  here's very detailed instructions on how to build the Ark of the Covenant, the Tabernacle, etc. etc.  And He equipped them to carry out the tasks:  He anointed priests to enforce the rules.  He enabled craftsmen and gave them fine skills to build all that He commanded. (Exodus 34-36)  People got busy providing all that was necessary to carry out God's instructions, and life took on a sort of rhythm that little by little began to feel more familiar and stable, even in the midst of uncertainty and wilderness wanderings.

I believe God has a plan for us today in the current global crisis as well.  I believe He is calling His people to stay busy within their confinement:  busy getting back to His Word and looking out for those less fortunate.  I believe He has sent us all to our "rooms" so we would pick up our Bibles, dust them off, and finally open them so we could meet Him there, like a Holy of Holiest within our own homes.  He is enabling us to abide by His will by giving us precious time to seek Him first and adopt His plan as our own.  He is giving the world an opportunity to turn its head upon Him, the Pillar of Light that is never extinguished.  The Provider who never abandons.  The Healer whose Powerful Hands are able to rid the world of disease.  The Comforter, whose warm embrace doesn't need to keep social distance.

We are not in an end-of-the-world movie.  Circumstances are changing, but God never does.  Perhaps, this is His way of freeing us from captivity!  Maybe this is how He breaks the chains that kept us enslaved.

Maybe, we are supposed to use this time to seek the opportunities for a life that puts Him at the center.  Like the Israelites, let's get busy finding our way back to Our Lord.  He is calling us.  Let's quiet all the other voices and tune into the Voice of Truth once and for all.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, Amen!

Dylan:  "Can we watch one of your silly, romantic comedy movies, Mama?"
Me:       "Of course, my child after my own heart.  Let's watch The Good Sam, you'll like it!"

I Trust You Lord!

Cereal Isle at Super Walmart in Union

Dan:  "You're going to let him go to the grocery store?"
Me:   "...er...yeah..."
Dan (yelling):  "Well, make sure you wash your hands, Grant!"
Me, holding my breath by the window, while watching Grant drive away:   "O dear...maybe I should not have let him go to the grocery store..."

This is just one of the instances that came to mind as I read this morning's devotional...instances of wanting to hold those we love, tightly near to ourselves with clenching hands. 

"This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete.  Take time to bask in the Light of My Love.  As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence.  The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes:  I am the same yesterday, today and forever.  As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand.  Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you." (Sarah Young Devotional: Jesus Calling)

I don't really have anything else to add to this...just: Amen!

I heard the garage door opening and I exhaled when I saw Grant climbing the basement stairs carrying a few grocery bags.  I gave him a hug.  He told me how the grocery store workers were all wearing masks.  I hugged him again, and we went about our day.  Later that night, after the kids were already asleep, Dan asked me:  "Did you tell Grant to wash his hands after he came back from the grocery store today?"  Me:  FACEPALM!

Lord, I trust You with our lives today, and always.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Our Eyes Are On You!

2 Chronicles 20:12 (NIV)

Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

I heard a pastor bring this scripture up in a live-streaming sermon yesterday as we tried our best to do home-church (boy, how do the Amish do this every Sunday?).  And I was struck by it.  The people of Israel are surrounded by enemies, and this honest cry is lifted to the God Almighty...

I identify with this cry.

"I do not know what to do..." this is often my state.  I stumble into trouble.  I trip and fall.  I get lost on my way...and I don't know what to do.  I walk away from My Lord and I lose my way...and I don't know what to do.  I obey my flesh and stop listening to the Spirit...and I don't know what to do.  I'm scared by the enemy that surrounds me...and I don't know what to do.  I witness the panic on those around me...and I don't know what to do.

But, there is one thing that we can always do.  The only sure thing that will provide guidance:  to keep our eyes on Him.

My eyes are on You, Lord.  I claim Your promises as true.  I cling to Your love eternal.  I trust Your Goodness.  I invoke Your Presence.  I keep my eyes on You, Lord...for even though I do not know what to do, I know You do.  Your Sovereign Hand is in control and I am on the Palm of Your Hand.

In the midst of these anxious days, when uncertainty about everything reigns all throughout our worldly perspective, let's not be like Peter who got distracted by the winds and the waves around him, and let's fix our eyes upon Jesus...and wait for the things of this earth to become dim in the Light of His Wonderful Face!  Amen

Church without a Building

Well...here we are...a Sunday, a beautiful Sunday with blue skies and sunshine...and our church building is closed...

Notice I said church "building."  Obviously, that wording was intentional because, the Church is not the building.  We know, the Church is us, the people of God.  We are the Church.  The body of believers IS the Church.

Of course, we are called to gather together not only because it is our duty, but because AMAZING things happen when we do:

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18: 30

And we are NOT to neglect such gatherings:

Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10: 25

But, when circumstances keep us from meeting with our brothers and sisters in Christ in person, physically, under the same roof...we can still gather spiritually as we recognize that we are actually the Temple (1 Corinthians 6: 19)...the Holy Spirit lives in us, so we convene with Him on the Sacred and Holy Ground of our hearts and souls.  

Therefore, today, let's have our gathering as we dedicate time to focus on our reality as children of God, a God who has not and will never, ever forget about us.  We belong to a fellowship that is unbreakable.  We are united in Christ who tells us to "rejoice and be thankful!" as we walk with Him, intentionally paying attention to Him.  On a day when the world seems to be upside down, crumbling and changing by the hour...let us fix our eyes on the One who never changes...on the Cornerstone.  

Let's read a chapter in the Bible and meditate on it.

Let's read a devotional.

Let's watch a Christian movie with the family.

Let's play Bible trivia with the kids.

Let's have a meal and truly give thanks for the food in front of us as we pray for those less fortunate.

Let's seek His peace through staying thankful.

Let's share an encouraging word with someone else.

Let's send a virtual hug to someone who feels alone.

Let's look at all that He has created and contemplate in awe.

Let's be still and know that He IS God!

Soon, we pray, this whole mess we are in will be in the history books.  Soon, we pray, we will be together again in our beautiful sanctuary.  Soon, we pray, we will hear the melodious sounds of our friends voices and the delightful squealings of our kids dancing in the hallways of our Sunday School aisle.  But today, let's be the church on our own.

In the Precious Name of Our Lord.  Amen!

NOTE:  share with us what you are doing as the church on your own today. Virtual hugs to all!

Flashbacks

As I organize and make a mental inventory of the dry goods plus the freezer food we have in the house, flashbacks of over 30 years ago rush through my mind and soul.  It was December 1989...I lived alone in a cute apartment own by my brother in Panama city.  In one evening, the world I knew was turned upside-down.  Amidst the bombing, the machine guns hanging from low flying helicopters, the curfew and the American soldiers and tanks surveying the streets, people took to the stores and looted.  Food was the first thing that disappeared.


I don't want to panic, but...it is very difficult when I witness empty shelves at stores where plenty has always been the norm.

"I always said it...It's not the bullets what's going to kill us...it's hunger," Angelita's words are tattooed in my brain.  She was my brother's housekeeper.  She was from Dominican Republic, a country that not that long ago had gone through tremendous hardship as well.  She spoke these words in confidence to me as she opened the pantry in my brother's kitchen to reveal nothing more than a few cans of forgotten things bought by mistake long ago.  I had finally made it to his house so we could be together in one place.  I was relieved to be there...but the reality of scarcity hit me right on the face.  My niece was 11, maybe 12.  My nephew was 6.  We had a cousin who came to find refuge with us.  My brother, sister in law, Angelita and I.  Seven people, a couple of dogs and no food in the house.

These memories rush in as we face the current situation...and all I want to do is fill up every corner of the house with food.  I want the security of stored goods to bring peace to my heart.  But...will it?

Of course not.  The same thing that was true 30 years ago in my life is true today:  The Lord is with us...and He will provide.

He knows what we need.  And He will deliver.

Back then, He made sure we were OK, and today He will too.  I shake off the images from the US invasion of Panama and find refuge in God's promises of His perfect plans for us...not to hurt us, but to give us a future and hope. 

Fully Rely on God!

As we walk into the unknown of these unprecedented current circumstances...we walk knowing that He walks before us.  He is our Pillar of Light and Protection.  Regardless of what might seem as scary unstability, we are not in sinking sands because we stand upon the Solid Rock. 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will give us a very vivid awareness of His Presence in our lives right now.  That we may feel the warm embrace of His arms holding us tight and making fear disappear.  I pray He gives us discernment to know how to proceed.  And above all, I pray we stay calm...trusting Him...Fully Relying on The One Whom the Winds and The Waves Obey!  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Details

Written instructions mean very little to me.  At work, when I ask our Tech guy to explain how to use any of the features of our learning platform, he sends me little instructional videos.  Boy, am I glad we are now in the era when we can do this.  I remember, not that long ago, all instructions on how to do/make/fix/proceed with something...anything...were just typed lists of steps.  Like recipes...sigh...I read a recipe a million times to try to visualize the procedure in my head before I even start making the darn dish.  Then, I have to go back to the recipe at every step in order to make sure I'm doing it right.  Again, I am SO thankful for YouTube!

I cannot imagine if I had been the one to receive the instructions to build...say...the tabernacle in Moses' times.  The only thing I'd gotten right probably would have been, maybe, the color of the curtains...and only if I could figure out what "scarlet" is (the only Scarlet I know is the one from Gone with the Wind...)

In Exodus 26, God, the Almighty LORD of the Universe...the Great I AM...the One Who Was and Is and Is to Come, gave detailed instructions on how to build the Tabernacle.  In reading through that chapter, I'm thinking...why???

I don't know why.  I am not a person who is into minute details.  But guess what? Apparently, God is!

I believe, the excruciatingly methodic directions in Exodus 26 demonstrate precisely that about Our Father...that He is a God who is aware of every single thing, regardless of how unimportant and insignificant it might appear...to God, it is just as valuable.  He is as in charge with the details of the current pandemic and its effects in the entire world as a unit, as He is with how this unprecedented situation affects each one of His children regardless of where he or she is in the great global scheme.  From the unborn child, apparently safe and secure in his/her mother's womb to the elderly man at the end of his life, God knows.  He sees every detail that concerns to us, and our well being is in His hands...only the most capable Hands that ever existed.   

Regardless of the madness of today, the Amazing and Awesome God that governs over every single, minute detail of existence is looking out for us.  His right hand has not let go of ours.  We are still engraved on His mighty hand.  We are still the apple of His eyes.  We will always be His poem and nothing will ever keep us from being His beloved.  Let's keep the faith as we pray without ceasing for a prompt and effective resolution to the current world crisis, resting in the peace of knowing that He is the Lord Who Sees and the Lord Who Heals.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Dependance in Christ Alone

In these very strange days, I am trying to activate my phrase for the year: Fully Rely on God (FROG).  I believe that's the best antidote for the physical and emotional virus that is attacking the world today.  In His graciousness, the Lord, upon whom I rely, gave me a devotional reading today, which I'd like to share on this post:

"It is good that you recognize your weakness.  That keeps you looking to Me, your Strength.  Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Me.  Instead of trying to fit this day into a preconceived mold, relax and be on the lookout for what I am doing.  This mind-set will free you to enjoy Me and to find what I have planned for you to do.  This is far better than trying to make things go according to your own plan.
Don't take yourself so seriously.  Lighten up and laugh with Me.  You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about?  I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is My will.  The more difficult your day, the more I yearn to help you.  Anxiety wraps you up in yourself, trapping you in your own thoughts.  When you look to Me and whisper My Name, you break free and receive My help.  Focus on Me, and you will find Peace in My Presence."  (Sarah Young's Jesus Calling, March 16th)

I love this reading, and I will leave you to it...to savor it...to digest it...to make it your own.  May the Lord of All grant us that peace that transcends all understanding so we may discover His perfect will in all the strange days that we're living in.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Trust against Fear

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. 

2 Timothy 1: 7 (Amplified Bible)

Looking through a list of Bible verses that deal with fear, panic and anxiety, I was reminded of Paul's words above...and all the comfort this verse has always brought and continues to bring into my soul, heart and mind rushed back to me, so I must share it in bold, large letters today as a testimony of faith in the One to Whom the winds and the waves obey!

Paul wrote these words to his beloved Timothy during his second time in prison in Rome...knowing that this would be the last time too...because he'd been sentenced to death.  With the end of his days upon him, Paul writes to Timothy/us about life!  And what a life!  Life without fear!

In these strange days we are living in, when the world seems to be collapsing under the pressure of panic and fear, I cling to these Spirit-filled words from two thousand years ago.  Today, when plans seem to be changing hourly not just for me, but for all of us...when our kids look at us hoping for answers that we cannot give, expecting a sense of stability that we cannot provide, I hang on to these words and pray for the Light to shine brightly all around us, destroying all that is holding us captive...and returning us to a state of calm, sound judgment, well-balanced mind and self-control.

I hang on to what I just told my VERY disappointed High School Senior after the news of the postponement of his long-anticipated trip to Disney came to us:  We trust the Lord and His plans, which are usually better than ours (maybe we will have a better trip now?).  I want to hang on to this thought and to allow the Holy Spirit to fill us up with peace that overflows.  May the Rescuer and Redeemer make His presence evident all around us right now! In the Precious Name of Jesus, who has already defeated all enemies in this world and the next.  Amen!

Longer than a "Fortnight"

Video games...yep...as a parent or grandparent you are aware of the power video games have over our beloved kids.  A couple of summers ago, Dylan was under the spell of one called Fortnite.  I have never seen that child so driven...or shall I say...so addicted?  I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say it.  He was.  And I was rendered helpless.  It was an awful summer.  I could sit here and type along all the signs of addiction that Dylan displayed, but that's not the point.  The point is that I saw my son become a slave.  And it took the strength of Jesus to break him free.

I often wonder about slavery...the kind of slavery that makes a human believe he/she can own another human.  That's what drug dealers, coffee vendors, video game designers and many others strive for: to make people addicted to their products so they can own them for life.  It's wrong...but it's a desire that all humans experience in the dark corners of their souls...even if we don't want to admit it.  But...if it's wrong...why does God condone it?

In Exodus, God the LORD gave the law to Moses.  In chapter 21, right after the 10 commandments, He begins a detailed account of the intricacies of this law with the articles concerning how to deal with one's servants...aka: slaves.  I have to admit that I have a hard time reading through this chapter.  Why didn't God just tell Moses to tell the people of Israel that they were not to have slaves anymore?  Why regulating slavery instead of ending it?

To know the mind of God...an impossible quest.  One can just pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance and trust His Goodness and Holiness.

I mean, the precepts in chapter 21 of Exodus and beyond are known as the Law of Moses.  And, it doesn't directly apply to Christians today.  However, like Jon Courson says in his commentary: "it is definitely helpful for us because in studying the Law of Moses, we gain insight into the mind and heart of God, and into the Person and Nature of His Son - for the sacrifices, ordinances and regulations which follow all ultimately point to Him."  That's why, I believe, The LORD Almighty decided to regulate the actions of His people...so, when His Son would come in the flesh, they would recognize Him as the One.

The slavery precepts, then, apply to us in a way that indicate how we become slaves to Christ, marked by our love to Him, forever! (Exodus 21: 5-6)  It also foreshadows how Jesus, Himself, loves us so much that He was willing to become a servant...also marked by His love for us, forever.  But, more importantly, these ordinances contained in the Law of Moses help us truly appreciate and clearly understand Paul's statement:  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free! (Galatians 5: 1) 

Paul's words are never better internalized than when one has experienced the horror of slavery.

Eventually (believe me, it took longer than a "fortnight"), Dylan withdrew from Fortnite to a point that now he recognizes the dangers of allowing something to control you.  He doesn't want to be under the control of a mindless thing.  He wants to be free.  And he exercises that freedom as he says no to games and knows when it's time to quit.  Even having a phone has been NOT the nightmare I imagined it would be.  He actually puts the phone away when he is home.  I am very proud of him.  Of course, I continue to use the Fortnite experience every chance I get, to remind him of the dangers of allowing something to make us into a slave.  He doesn't like it when I bring it up...that's how I know he agrees. 

The funny thing is...Dylan is not the only one in this household who has experienced being enslaved to something...but that's the topic for another post.  For now, I just pray that the Holy Spirit gives us discernment to understand the difficult passages we encounter in Scripture as we strive to move closer to Him who owns our heart and soul.  Amen!

My Mountain

This is how close to the mountains sometimes our bus rode!

I'm not much of a mountain person.  Given the choice for a vacation, I wouldn't pick the mountains.  I'd pick the beach 150% of the time.  However, often, I'm NOT given the choice, so last year, I went on a tour of the American West that took me and my sisters on and around the Rockies.  And, let me tell you, this beach girl learned to appreciate the mountains. 

The majesty of the peaks imposing themselves on the scenery like silent giants makes one feel so very insignificant.  They are the vigilantes of the land.  You stare at them and they stare right back at you with a force and intensity that leaves you in paralyzed awe.

The constant roar, crashing and flow of the ocean make me feel full of energy, while the unmovable strength of a mountain makes me feel vulnerable and small...and to tell you the truth...also a bit afraid.

I understand why God, the Great I AM, decided to make His presence known to the Israelites on Mount Sinai.  He is Holy and His presence inspires awe and fear; therefore, what best scenery than a smoky mountain top to reveal His majesty to His people.  Thunder, lightening, earthquake, fire and a mountain...yep...that would cause the most experienced, outdoorsy camper to tremble and bury his/her face on the ground.

God descending on His Holy Mountain was a visible show of His Power and Might designed to instill respect, adoration and worship which would lead to obedience.  The interesting thing is, though...not even such a show was enough for His people to fully give their hearts to Him. 

Isn't that the same with us too?  We witness amazing manifestations of the Power, Glory and Love of Our Father, and still doubt and disobey...at least I do...We experience the mountain top, and as soon as we descend, we get back into the pit.

I look at those pictures of my trip out west and it seems as if it wasn't even me who went there.  It was such a gift to be able to go, but the experience fades and the feelings lessen as time passes, until one day...they dissipate in the corners of our minds along with all the other forgotten memories...I pray it is not so with my encounters with the Lord.  I pray that even if my mind forgets, my heart and my soul always remember the trembling, worship and gratitude of all my mountain top moments with The Almighty, my King...my Rock, My Mountain.  Amen!

Delegate!

Me:  "Why doesn't anybody ever help me around here?  I am NOT YOUR MAID!!!"

Grant:  "I asked you if you needed help, and you said NO!"

Me incredulous

Me ashamed

It pains me to admit it, but...I could be a drama queen...

Organization is not my strong suit.  I don't know how to do it.  Part of being a good organizer is to recognize the talents of those around us and distribute the work so not one single person has to do it all.  But, I'm not very good at that.  I'm so busy, I believe it's a waste of time to take time to think about strategies.  Also, to tell you the truth, I wonder if it all has something to do with pride?

Yes, pride...so I can say:  "Look at what I have done all by MYSELF!

Nobody helped me"

I also think that I often expect way too much of others:  "well, they should know they need to help me.  I shouldn't have to ask them!"  "THEY need to pay more attention and realize I NEED HELP!  They are SO lazy, look at me, doing all the work and look at them...playing video games or watching silly videos on YouTube! and where is Dan!?"

I'm exhausted...

I'm worn out...

I've got nothing left...

I, I, I...

The funny thing is, sometimes, we are so into the events and circumstances that we fail to see what's happening.  It takes someone else to point out to us...to tell us..."girl, it's OK to ask for help and delegate!"  Kind of what happened to Moses back in the desert.  Exodus chapter 18 tells us about Jethro, Moses' Father in Law's visit and the wisdom of his advice.  After seeing how Moses was handling all the affairs of the people of Israel by himself, Jethro told him:  "The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone." (Exodus 18: 18b)  Then he proceeded to give Moses an organizational model that instituted the first officers among the people of Israel.  Jethro taught Moses how to delegate effectively so he would not wear himself out before getting to the promised land.

I believe that is a key skill in all leadership positions: the ability to delegate effectively.  And for those of us who don't have that innate ability to recognize the need to delegate, be it because of pride or any other reason, we need to listen to the wise counsel of those who have our best interest at heart.  I have to get off my high horse and listen when people tell me that it is OK to ask for help.  I know, asking for help puts us in a vulnerable position and at a place where we can face rejection.  BUT, that's part of growing up: being humble enough to recognize we can't do it all alone and that it is OK when others say NO to us.

Sigh...

I don't know if I am emotionally strong enough yet to exercise the level of humility I need to admit I need help...but at least I am willing to consider that if Moses, MOSES, accepted it, I should think about the remote possibility that I might, perhaps, have to accept it too.

May the Holy Spirit give me the humility and strength necessary to admit that I need help and the wisdom to effectively delegate...regardless of the attitudes of those to whom I am asking.  Amen!

Meaningless Worries Lead to Transformational Moments

There are so many things at work that are driving me crazy right now, that I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when I'm retired, enjoying my days of futility at the beach...

Sigh...

It's all so meaningless and petty.  I'm wasting precious time and energy on things that really don't matter at all.  However, on second thought...what matters is how I handle these meaningless things.  Am I making them my idols?  Am I spending countless hours talking and thinking about them?  Am I scheming and rehearsing in my mind spoken and written communications that haven't even happened yet? Am I being mean and unkind toward others in actions, in thoughts and in words?

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes

I need to break free from this cycle, but I don't know how.  I'm way too deep into it.  I've gone beyond the point of no return.  The Spirit is convicting me, but I don't know what to do.  I know something has to change, but I don't know what.

Sigh...

My problem is, I think there are things that need to change at work.  I am witnessing things that should not be happening, and I want people to start taking responsibility and do their job.  But, I think, the way I'm going about it is wrong too.  I think there needs to be a moment of truth...but...for that to happen...an implosion might be necessary first.  And I think that's where we're at: impending implosion mode.  And I'm right at the center.  I'm so in the middle of it, that I can already hear the bricks shacking and the walls starting to crumble.

I am reading through Exodus, and I'm amazed, once again, at how God decided to harden Pharaoh's heart.  It seems counterproductive that God would have purposely made the ruler of Egypt deny the release of God's people...but...over and over again, we see that the reason was so God's Power and Might would be evident and undeniable...not just to the Egyptians, but more importantly, to the Israelites' as well.

I don't think God is hardening my heart.  On the contrary, I think He is giving me more and more reasons to continue to think the way I think regarding the issues that worry me.  I think, as He is placing me on a position of leadership at work, He needs me to make a decision as to what kind of a leader I will be.  He wants to put me in front of a mirror so I can see myself at my worst.  He wants me to know myself, and how, left to my own devices, I am not good at all.  He wants to remind me that in order to be a decent leader, I must let Him be My Guide, My Pillar of Light and Strength. 

I'm praying for God's wisdom.  I'm praying for serenity.  I'm praying for the Holy Spirit to be evident in me.  I'm praying so I can hear His Voice, the Voice of Truth.  I'm praying for humility.  I'm praying for strength.  And I'm praying that I learn how to surrender it all at His feet, the small and the big, so I can be free...which is a million times better than being retired at the beach.  Amen!

Memories of Trials

Is there a memory that you can recall at will, which serves the purpose of reminding you how Mighty and Powerful the Lord is?  I have several, many indeed.  Today, however, at scarcely 3 months from Grant's High School graduation, I'm choosing to recall the memories of my years dealing with infertility. 

For the first 8 years of our marriage, I carried a deep heartache...an emptiness...a longing I never knew I'd have to endure.  I loved being married.  I loved and love my husband.  I was never the type of girl who would dream about having babies.  I wasn't - and still aren't - good with kids.  My fantasies as an adolescent didn't include picking out the number, names and genders of my future children.  I have always hated minivans and station wagons - no offense - but I was always more of an off-road car, kind of girl.  I never thought that not having kids would be such a big deal for me.  I had tons of plans for my life...and...to tell you the truth...kids would seem to get on the way of realizing those plans.

Sigh...

Life is funny, though...

The instant I heard the words: you would not be able to conceive naturally...I was devastated.

I remember driving back home after that fateful doctor's appointment and bursting into a full out cry at a red light.  For the rest of the way I could hardly see the road.  It was the death of a dream I never really had, which I never knew I always wanted.

Rachel, Jacob's beloved wife knew the heartache of not being able to have children.  She knew the anguish of seeing women pregnant all around her.  She experienced the pain of not having her prayers answered the way she wanted, and of God not changing things right the moment she was hoping for.  She knew the disappointment of a long season of waiting where hope dissipates in the prolonged unfulfilled expectation.

The Lord is Faithful...and...even though, often, the story doesn't end the way we planned or desired, Rachel was able to see that the promises of God are true and that many times, the answer to our prayers is "wait, I have something better in store for you."

Joseph, "Jehovah has multiplied" and Benjamin, "son of my old age," were born to Rachel as a testimony to God's power.  The years of waiting were over and the void had been filled as Rachel carried two boys in her womb.  As God's plan would have it, however, Rachel died in childbirth when Benjamin was born...but she lived long enough to hear she'd had a son...

Today, as my heart aches with a different kind of pain...I'm getting ready to close the childhood stage of the son of my own promise.  Years of failed treatment led to the one last try, which God arranged it to be the one attempt that'd put Grant into my arms.  A while later, the miracle of adoption brought Dylan to our lives to forever change them into something special, exciting and worthy. 

My regard for God's Mighty Hand would not be the same as it is now had I not endured the years of waiting and the agony of uncertainty all those years ago.

That is the truth of our trials...they are not purposeless:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-4

May the trials that we faced and will continue to face bring up the perseverance that will strengthen and mature our faith so we can finish the race not lacking anything at all.  In Jesus' Precious Name. Amen!