My Little Companion

 I've been working from home since early March...that means, it's going to be 7 months since the front room of my house has permanently become my office/classroom.  It's been interesting, to say the least...challenging, but also kind of fun.  It is especially fun when our dog Link starts to bark.  

You see, Link doesn't leave my side.  Wherever I go, he goes.  He follows me all around the house.  He is my little companion.  But since I spend most of the day sitting at my desk, so does he, sitting/laying by my feet.  Along the scattered books, papers, notebooks and empty cups, he has become a permanent fixture in this room too.  He seems happy.  He seems totally content.  Of course, as soon as he senses movement outside, he goes and looks out the window, which inevitably leads to his loud barking...and to me running to close the blinds to see if he'd quiet down...which leads to my students on the screen seeing me momentarily disappear to then reappear again, looking flustered and annoyed...

Anyway, my point is...it seems to me that, for Link, there is no other place he'd rather be than by my side...and I truly love him for that.  He makes me happy as he keeps me company in his quiet presence (emphasis on QUIET).

I read something the other day that stuck with me:  the abundant life is the life lived in the presence of Christ.

Sigh...

I wonder if, in a way, that's what Link is teaching me.  The abundant life is not dependent on how abundant our earthly possessions are or on the beauty and comfort our homes offer us or on the size of our savings account or even on our families, friends and loved ones.  The abundant life is the one lived by Our Lord.  The closer we are to Him, the more time we spend seeking His presence, the deeper we get to know Him, the larger the joy, and the more real His love becomes.  The more we make Him the focus of our every move, the more we let Him draw us to Him...the more our hearts will overflow with contentment.

 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10: 10

This verse is tucked in between Jesus' talk about the Good Shepherd and how His sheep recognize His voice, and how the Shepherd lays down His life for His sheep.  He tells us how He is the gate to salvation, and how He is also the One Who Came through that very gate to save us and to provide out of the abundance of His presence. All we have to do is follow Him, not leave His side, sit by His feet and enjoy the love that pours out of His heart...just like Link...but hopefully, without any loud barks.

Sunday Evening Ache

Sometimes I find myself thinking that nothing will ever be different. Forever, Sunday evenings have given me the idea that I'm caught in an endless cycle marked by weekly chores, getting kids ready for school, meal prep, home and work.  But the truth is, life doesn't stand still.  Change is inevitable on this side of Heaven.  We just forget, at times, because we settled into a routine and feel safe...stable...but it doesn't work that way.  

I guess that's why we have the weather be so unpredictable...that's why we have the seasons of the year, to serve as a reminder of the inevitability of change...I mean, not that long ago, it was bright at 5:30 a.m.!  Now, we're lucky if by 7:00 we have some light.  Not long ago it was nice and warm in the early morning.  Today, I had to pull out my musty coat out of the closet to go walk the dog down the driveway.  Not long ago, Grant was a little boy, and quiet Sunday evenings were filled with good-night prayers and early bedtimes.  Now, Grant's not home on Sunday evenings, and when he is...it's a mad rush filled with packing, driving back to his college dorm and managing the sharp ache of knowing that nothing will ever be the same.

It is on those moments, when the floor is shaky and life's instability threatens to shatter my already fragile peace that I must remember the truth: that while our time on this earth is marked by uncertainty and often, unwelcome changes, we have a Savior whose steady hand and strong arms sustain us and who is always the same:

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13: 8

I must seek Him and cling to Him because He is the Only One who can provide the stability I crave.  No matter how crazy the weather is from one day to the next.  No matter how the seasons continue to turn...no matter how fast our children grow up...Jesus is the One Who Never Changes, the Rock upon which I stand.  And that's how I can keep moving on.  That's how I don't become consumed:

For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed. Malachi 3: 6

When change hits us on the face unexpectedly, remembering that the source of our stability does not come from anything on this world, but from God alone would help us find our footing again.  Grant's first visit home after his first month as a college student shook me up quite a bit this weekend...knowing that the quiet Sunday evenings of his childhood were nothing more than a memory really did something to my heart...but...I am grateful I get to experience the ache of seeing my boy become a man right in front of my eyes...for that I am so very thankful. And I praise the Lord for all the blessings, as I grab hold of my Rock for strength and refuge:

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18: 2

Ordinary Miracles

 A few days ago I saw something I have typically taken for granted because I've seen it so many times over the close to 30 years I've lived in this area:  geese flying on a V-formation across the sky.  This is a sight I never saw in Panama.  We get hundreds of migratory birds in the tropics...but Canada Goose are not one of them.  They tend to stick around the northern hemisphere.

Anyway, by now, I've gotten used to their iconic flight...no big deal...the other day, though, I was taking Link for his much needed outside time, and, as soon as I heard the familiar honking above my head, I thought:  I wonder if it is really true that they rotate? Experts say that the bird that flies at the tip of the V and at the front rotate in a timely cyclical fashion to spread flight fatigue equally among the flock members.  I remember thinking how amazing that was.  But, I had never seen it...so often wondered...that day, I looked up...and...yes, I saw it!  I saw the marvelous proof of navigation design.  I saw the bird at the end of the right leg move all the way to the tip as the other birds on the front also switched to then fall into perfect line to continue their V-shaped flight pattern uninterruptedly.    

I was left stunned.

I know, it doesn't sound like a big deal.  But, to me it was.  It was a big deal because I realized, I had witnessed one of God's miracles!

Do you know that scholars still can't understand 100% how migratory birds do what they do?  Details like, how is it that birds know where to go are still not totally clear to scientists.  They could have asked Christians.  We would have told them:  God created them to do that, and He directs their path through the incredible navigation system He built into their bodies!

For, we know that, on the fifth day...

...God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” Genesis 1: 20

And we also know that, God not only created and designed the birds to fly across the sky, but that He also knows them...

for every animal of the forest is mine,

and the cattle on a thousand hills. 

I know every bird in the mountains,

and the insects in the fields are mine. Psalm 50: 10-11

The most amazing part of it all is, that, these facts point to a magnificent truth, that I need to remember every single day: if He has taken such care in the intricate design of birds...how much more does He not care about us, His Children, whom He created in His very image?

That is the core of the miracle of the V-formation flight pattern of migratory birds:  God did this for birds...imagine what He has and will continue to do for us!

I hope I remember this truth every time I'm feeling low, inadequate, afraid, unloved and lost. I pray that if I ever forget that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made;" (Psalm 139: 14a)...that the sound of the nasal honking of the geese flying above my head, may remind me that God's miracles live in the seemingly ordinary events of our days.  I pray I learn to cherish small details, and that I learn to live in the moment, so I don't miss the wonders that surround me, on earth, sea or sky! In the Precious Name of Jesus, Our Creator and Sustainer.  Amen!

Sealed

 I don't know about you, but there is SO much about Scripture that I don't understand.  I mean...I understand the words.  I just don't understand the meaning of many of the ideas presented.

Often I arrive at passages that leave me completely confused...dumbfounded...and even scared.  Such is the case of 1 Samuel 16: 14

Now the Spirit of the Lord had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord tormented him.

Yep... a shaky question mark on the margin of my old Bible notes my confusion when I come across verses like this one.

What is this all about?  God sends evil spirits to his people?

I'm no teologian...or nothing of the like.  Therefore, I cannot even attempt to explain any of this.  All I can do is meditate on it and read what experts have to say...so I can meditate some more...and pray.

So far, I have encountered an explanation of this passage that seems pretty important, valid and common throughout several commentaries.  The main point of this verse is that nothing happens without the Lord's permission.  The Lord allows things to come into our lives to fulfill the plan He has for us.  And, another main point of the events depicted from verses 14 to 23 is to remind us that we do have free will...which often causes us to make decisions and perform actions that are contrary to God's will...therefore, consequences are expected accordingly.

Saul's actions of disobedience had grieved the Lord, and Chapter 16, verses 14-23 are the consequences of those acts of disobedience...disobedience that not even sacrifices could erase... (1 Samuel 15)

But Samuel replied:

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

as much as in obeying the Lord?

To obey is better than sacrifice,

and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is like the sin of divination,

and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.

Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,

he has rejected you as king.” (1 Samuel 15: 22-23)

It was now time for Saul to endure the consequences of the decisions made out of rebellion and arrogance.  The plan of God included Saul to be King for a season...now, that season was over.  And God would rise a new King...David...who, eventually, would pave the way for the One True and Only King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Jesus the Christ!

It is not about us.  In the end, it is all about God, His Glory and His Perfect Plan for humanity.  We are part of it.  However, often, we decide we don't want to do our part.  Then, the plan moves forward without us...and we miss out.

The New Covenant with Christ, though, has changed things a bit.  As the people of God under the Blood of Jesus, we are sealed by the Holy Spirit, which empowers us to rebuke and resist the devil so it flees (James 4: 7).  The power of David's harp has been replaced by the power of the Holy Spirit in us.  It is not David's playing what brings us peace now.  It is the Holy Spirit Himself, making music in our soul, what fills our heart with worship and pulls out of the pit, our distraught minds...giving us peace and comfort as He reminds us of His constant presence...

I do not understand all there is to be understood about the Bible...and I never will...at least not on this side of Heaven.  But I do know, believe and accept by faith that:

In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory. (Ephesians 1: 13-14)

I praise You, Dear Lod, that nothing can separate me from your infinite love...not even my own actions, and that I am sealed and set apart to reside in Your Court forever.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Wondering why...

 I don't know why life unfolds the way it does...

A few days ago would have been my Mother's birthday.  She has been gone for 20 years now, and I still miss her.  I still wonder why she had to leave us then.  I still wonder why God didn't allow her to stick around for a while longer so she could have met my boys.  I don't know why it wasn't part of His plan for my Mom to enjoy Grant and Dylan.  Why did they have to grow up not knowing what a wonderful person she was...how sweet and kind and nice and gentle and generous and loving a Grandma they would have had...so different from me...she would have brought balance to our lives, and a sense of softness that we ... I lack...

I wonder the same about my Father in Law.  He has been gone for 25 years.  He would have been such a great presence for our boys too...a force pushing them to dream big and keep laughing.  He would have brought a wisdom and clarity of mind that all of us could have profoundly benefitted from every day of our lives.

But it didn't work out that way.  They both left us too soon.  God's plan didn't include for us to live our lives alongside our wonderful parents for too long....and thinking about that makes me terribly sad...for me, for my kids, for Dan...

When loneliness hits hard, I start to wonder... why?

A prayer goes up into the unknown...and I wait for an answer that doesn't come.

It doesn't come in the way that I'd imagine it...but it does come.  Perhaps, not audibly, in the form of words I can understand, but it comes.  It comes in a sense of peace brought to me by something beautiful in my path: a ray of sunshine, a blue sky, a refreshing breeze...a comforting presence that hushes away my loneliness and ushers in a new awakening to a trust that sustains me.

We are not supposed to try to figure some things out.  There are things that are supposed to remain a mystery until God intends to reveal them.  While we walk on this earth, our job is to follow Him and trust His will, His perfect will, even when we don't understand it...because more often than not, we will not fully get it, or get it at all.  I guess that's the essence of Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

 in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight.

This is the secret of letting go: to Trust the One Who Made the Plan and Leads our Path, as we forget about the one we tried to design on our own.  This is true peace.  

There's not much use to wondering why.  Though, sometimes it could be good, because it is a way to remember the importance of our dependence on Him, Who Is Our Strength.  

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I hope you had a divine celebration in Heaven with those who have preceded us.  Save a seat for us.  In Christ, Precious Name.  Amen!

Marching on

 Do we ever stop worrying about our kids? or Do the things we worry about them just change?

Like my Dear Father (and many, many, many others) would say:  little kids, little problems.  Big kids, big problems.  But, are those big problems really much different from the little ones? Or are they really just the same, but more intensely dangerous?

Perhaps, I won't worry about the exact same things I used to worry about when they were younger. I guess now they know not to drink cleaning supplies or how to handle stairs...but... do they, really?  Haven't the cleaning supplies been replaced by dangerous and enticing drugs, though? Or aren't literal staircases replaced now by the many ladders they still have to climb in life to get to where they need to go?  Before, when they were little, the problems were solved by installing safety devices that kept cabinet doors locked and stairs blocked.  Now...when they are older and on their own...how do I make sure they are safe?

My mind gets tied up in many knots when I think about all of the things that can go wrong in the lives of my sons.  I just can't bear it.  And the truth is...I just can't do anything about it either.

No matter how much I worry.  No matter how many scenarios I plot in my mind.  No matter how much I interfere in their lives.  No matter how much effort I put into trying to build safety nets and bubble wrapped fences around them...I will always fail to fully protect them...because I am not God.  I cannot "hem them in, behind and before..." (Psalm 139: 5)  Only He can.  He is the Only One who can keep them so closed to Him that they are sewed to His garment.  

I am not the one within whose dwelling they must reside to be kept from harm...I am not the shelter of the Most High. Their refuge and fortress, is God and Only God, in whom they must trust. (Psalm 91: 1-16) I am just one of those who had the privilege be put on this earth to point them out to Him, their true Savior and Redeemer.  Now, I must also trust.

As I see Dylan walking to catch the school bus and think about Grant being all alone in a brand new environment, during these times filled of uncertainty and fear...I realize I probably won't ever be able to stop worrying about my boys.  But, I also realize that, in order for me to not be paralyzed by the terrors of the world, I must always remember that The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. (Psalm 34: 7)

The Lord delivers us as we put our trust in Him.  I know how hard that is.  But we must not quit.  We must not fall into the traps set out by the enemy.  We have been equipped.  Let's not leave the armor of the Lord collecting dust in our closets.  Let's suit up and face the world.  Empowered by the strength of the Holy Spirit we march on.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!