No Fear

 The Lord is my light and my salvation—

    whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

    of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27: 1

Yesterday at church we sang a song that brings me back to when my boys were little: You Never Let Go.  This song was written by Matt and Beth Redman and released in 2006.  It was a very regular tune in our evening rotation.  See, when our sons were little boys, they used to fall asleep to music...I think they still do...it's just that we don't get to pick the songs anymore.  Back then, though, when they were little, we had a stack of CDs...I know...that we rotated through, and that's how we first knew about Matt Redman.  Then, when Grant went to NCCA, this song came out and it became a staple.  

What I didn't know then, and I found out years later, was that the song contains inspiration straight from Psalm 27 verse 1.  The song says:

And I will fear no evil 

For my God is with me 

And if my God is with me 

Whom then shall I fear? 

Whom then shall I fear?

How comforting it is to know that since Our Almighty God is with us...there's nothing we need to fear? The mind plays tricks on us...and it believes whatever we feed it, good and bad...it is no wonder that Paul tells us to focus on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)  If we do not...if we allow our minds to wander into the thoughts of worry, calamity, what ifs, future adversity, upcoming doom...our souls will harbor nothing but fear.  Therefore, we must make it a habit to refocus and fix our eyes on the Only One who can  drive away the terror this world can instill in our hearts: Jesus the Christ! And where do we find Him?  First and foremost in Scripture.  So, whatever directs our path to the Word, that's what we should use as our guide.

Like my devotional reading said today:  "approach each new day with desire to find Me." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young).  And we find Him when we look with eyes that are guided by His Love Letter to us:  The Bible.

The world may seem wrecked and doomed.  But, He hasn't abandoned it...and He hasn't abandoned us.  Let's make it a habit to visit with Our Lord in Scripture every day...Let's allow The Word to remind us that He is the Light of Our Salvation, and that there is nothing we need to fear.  I hope my sons were reminded of that when they sang the familiar tune at church yesterday.  I hope they felt a renewed sense of peace in their hearts, and strength to continue on, guarded by the knowledge that Our God is with us, and if He is with us, whom then shall we fear?

In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Restlessness

 I often wrestle with my restless spirit.  The peace of contentment evades me and my mind wanders aimlessly in the emptiness of what ifs.  My heart does not profit from this, and I'm left with nothing but exhaustion. And again...here I am.

Maybe it's the gloomy coldness of rainy days below 60 degrees...maybe it's the lack of vitamin D.  Maybe it's loneliness.  Maybe it's idleness of the soul.  Maybe I just miss home.  I'm not sure what triggers it, but in moments like this, only one expression seems to fit: blah.

I have things to do but nothing inspiring.  I just got done packing my office at work.  Each box signifying the end of an era and the beginning of something new...and I'm not 100% sure it will be all good.  A hesitant first step indicates that there is no turning back...and I'm glad, but at the same time, I worry...I hope I made the right choice...I hope this move helps us survive...I hope the remedy doesn't end up fully destroying us. 

I feel a weight lifting off from my shoulders, but another one descending. The weight of uncertainty can be a heavy one to carry. 

What's left for me to do?

I'm not sure, but I know where to find answers.  I go to the place in Scripture in which I usually hang out in my times of deepest anguish and anxiety: The Psalms.  Maybe King David, a man after God's own heart, who was not a stranger to anguish and persecution can give me some guidance today once again.  And as I search, I land on Psalm 27... and this is what the blessed words say:  

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.


One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.


Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.


Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.


I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

It is impossible to comment on this master piece in one post.  So, I will take my time going verse by verse in the coming days to see where The Holy Spirit leads...as I wait for the Lord in all hope, anticipation and trust! Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19: 14

Relax

 Sometimes relaxing is just the hardest thing to do. At least it is for me. It's almost as if I feel guilty when I'm trying to relax. There is so much to do, I just have a hard time allowing myself to chill and take it easy. Life could be so demanding, and I've been so busy that I just can't believe I have time to just...be...

I looked at my list of things to do now that the semester is over, and I had to read it a few times before I realized I actually have time to just not do anything.

We have to get ready for our upcoming trip, and I have to pack my office at work because we are moving...but...all that can wait until Monday.  This weekend, something unbelievable is happening: I don't have to rush to do anything! LOL Of course, I have to feed my family, put clothes away, maybe clean a bit...but...nothing is pending over my head...no deadlines...this hasn't happened in YEARS!

It is the blessing of not being in a leadership position anymore. And I am grateful beyond words about that. Some people thrive when they are the boss. I want to shrivel down and die. Being the department chair at work sucked the life out of me, so I am inexpressibly thankful that, as of this past week, I have officially handed that role off to someone else. I am so relieved, it's as if I'm able to breathe again!

The experience taught me that I am not cut out for being in charge. I am not good as a leading lady...I'm more of a supporting role. I'm great at doing what others tell me. I'm not gifted enough to figure out the way on my own. And that's why I'm so grateful that I don't really have to...for I have One who directs my path...I have One who is the Way Himself, and He tells me to follow Him...and that's all I have to do.  

I trust Him when He tells me, "Come, follow me."

I'm not the best...I fail over and over again...I do so many stupid things...I'm so far from good...but He is always by my side, next to me...

I can relax now. He fights my battles. He holds me. He is the Light in my darkness. He guides me. He loves me. He guards my sleep...He stays awake so I can rest.  He guides my feet into the path of peace...(Luke 1: 79)

Joy and Thanksgiving for the Power of His Presence

 Does it seem strange to you to thank God for your problems? It sure sounds strange to me. I mean, really...why would I want to be thankful for having issues. That just doesn't make any sense.

I've thought about this for a while, and at first, I was like, maybe it is all about being obedient. I remember having done things just out of pure obedience, if only to demonstrate I can be a dutiful Christian...like waking up early on Sunday morning to drive 45 minutes to Church in the winter, after a late Saturday night...or helping out in Kid Zone, the after school program at Church back in the early 21st Century. That was just not my thing. I did it out of loyalty as an act of obedience.  For some reason, I don't think that's the point, though.  I believe the call to offering thanksgiving while immersed in a difficult situation goes beyond an act of obedience. I believe it is a call to trust and to rejoice.

Like the Apostle Paul says in one of my favorite verses in all Scripture:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4: 6

These words are so profound and the command is so challenging that it can only be accomplished by the supernatural empowering of the Holy Spirit. There is NO WAY I can do anything without Him who gives me strength...especially stopping from being anxious and offering thanksgiving in every situation, including the hard ones. That is just so NOT me. My gut reaction to difficulties is to fret, fear, frazzle, flee, frown, and forget...

It is only because Jesus lives in me that I could begin to form a thought about being thankful in every situation. Of course, I can be thankful when things are going right the way I want them. I have no problem doing that. I make sure the first thing I do is give Praise and Thanks to the Lord when events unfold in accordance to my plans. But the call is to do the same in "every situation," good and bad. And when things go bad, only the same force that raised Jesus from the dead is the one that can touch my heart and change it from stone to flesh.

And you know what? It is precisely that realization...the realization that Jesus inhabits my soul, giving me strength and directing my paths...what fills my heart with joy...the joy we are supposed to experience when we bring our thanksgiving to the Almighty in every situation.  It is knowing that He is with us what helps us to rejoice even at life's worst moments. 

Therefore, I want to remember to say every time I face a less than ideal situation, that I am supposed to pray and offer thanksgiving for yet another chance to be able to trust His power, rely on His strength and see Him in action. I need to remember in the challenging days, to give thanks for more opportunities to be thankful that the Holy Spirit has made a home in my soul.

May we be able to rejoice in the Lord, again and again, by the power of His Presence in us. In the Precious Name of Jesus, Amen!

Mistake-Free Life

 When you see people making mistakes, how tolerant are you?  How about when it is your own mistakes...what happens to your tolerance-meter then?

If you are anything like me, I am more willing to forgive the mistakes of others than my own.  I mean...I just keep beating myself up about the things I've done wrong...I couldn't even tell you.  I'm especially harsh on myself when it comes to mistakes I make in my pitiful career as a Mother.  

Yesterday, as we celebrated the blessings of Motherhood, I couldn't help but feeling sorry for my sons.  I so wish they have had a better Mom.  They could have done so much better.  Instead, they are stuck with me...sigh...

My little devotional reading this morning said gave me a different perspective about the whole mistake-condemnation-theory.  The part that really got me was this:  "Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride.  Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy for other people in their weaknesses.  Best of all, failure highlights your dependence on Me." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

WOW...

Pride...

How many things I do boil down to acts of pride...

Even things that I think I do to be better might be just inspired not by a desire to seek a closer walk with Jesus, but to make me look better in the eyes of those around me...inspired by pride...  And to top it all, in my obsession with being mistake-free, I'm actually distancing myself from my source of strength, power and love!  By insisting on being perfect, I am believing that it is up to me.  Therefore, I am walking away from the only place where I need to be:  under His Wings...fully dependent on Him...and more inclined to serving His beloved with compassion and empathy.  

I pray that the Holy Spirit will show me the path to humility, away from pride, so my actions, mistakes and all, may be, indeed, a source of great blessing not just for me, but for those around me.  May Our Heavenly Father shower us with His Love, Mercy and Forgiveness so we can stay inside His Strong Tower where the Only One Perfect is Him.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Cinco de Mayo

 NOT Mexico's independence day, by the way...Cinco de Mayo is the anniversary of Mexico's victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862...which means, maybe, that there are a lot of Mexican immigrants in the USA that are from Puebla.  Cinco de Mayo is not even a big holiday in Mexico...LOL...

At any rate, it's not my intention to give a history lesson, here.  It's just that Cinco de Mayo has become a spectacular holiday in our little family.  

It was around Cinco de Mayo that Dan and I became Dan and I thirty one years ago.  I can't believe we have been a couple that long!  That man is a SAINT!

Several years later, it was on Cinco de Mayo that one of God's greatest miracles to us was placed into our hands:  Grant.  Years of infertility ended with the cry of a baby boy on a Cinco de Mayo twenty years ago.  Praised Be The Lord!  And today, we got to spend the day with our precious young adult son as he concludes his sophomore year of college.  I just simply can't believe it! I look at him and all I see is that little boy who stole my heart from the moment they placed him in my arms.

It goes fast...said everyone who ever had a child.  And they are so right.  It's no joke.  I blinked and he grew a beard.  I am so happy I'm here to see him grow up!  I can't wait for him to come back home.  It is such a blessing to have him here.  Dan said, when I came to meet them for lunch at Geneva College today:  "Grant is the only person that can make Gisi smile just by the mere fact of existing."  Never has he been so right. God certainly knew what He was doing when He gave sons to mothers.  

I Praise You, Lord for Grant.  I pray you give him many years of healthy life and a path that leads to You.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, You're Beloved Son.  Amen!

Me on His Mind

 I don't know if you may struggle with this, but I often feel inadequate, unworthy and unlovable.  I catch myself wondering why would anyone ever care for a wretch like me.  Then, God, in His infinite love sends me a message to remind me of His Grace.  It happened this morning...

God's love note to me came in the form of a song by Christian singer-songwriter, Matthew West.  The song is called Me on Your Mind.  This jewel of song was released earlier this year, but I only heard it for the first time today while driving to get a haircut early in the a.m. before going to work.  The song blew me away.  I praised God He inspired Mathew West to write it because I feel everyone needs to hear it...especially in those moments when one finds it hard to believe we could be loved.

We read the Bible.  We pray.  We hear sermons.  We know what Our Lord has done, who He is and how much He loves us...but...do we really believe it?  Do we honestly believe that we matter? Do we accept the idea that we matter enough for anyone to care, let alone God Himself?

I admit I struggle with that sometimes.  I don't know if it is my Catholic upbringing that tends to emphasize our deeds over God's grace...but the enemy pushes me to think of myself as a sinner beyond redemption...he pushes the lie and I fall for it when I'm at my weakest:  you're a horrible person.  You're a bad Mother.  You're a terrible wife.  You call yourself a teacher?  You stink!  You have no skills or accomplishments that make you deserving of a promotion or anything good.  You can't lead anyone. You have a hardened heart and a corrupted soul.  You suck at everything!  You have no compassion.  You're mean and temperamental.  You have no self-control.  Nothing good is in you...on and on the enemy goes on and on...seeking to devour me.

The blessing is that no matter what the devil does...Jesus has already triumphed over it all.  And in His Power and Love, He comes crashing through walls, destroying mountains, walking over oceans, like a storm breaking through the skies to rescue me...not because of who I am, or because of who I am not, or because of what I've done or not done...but because I belong to Him...and He has already paid the price for my sin, and I am free, no matter what the enemy says.  I am free!

Thank you, Lord for keeping me on Your mind.  I love You, and I Praise You with all that I've got.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Here's the song:

Me on Your Mind

He Moves Them

 I often think of the people who have come and gone in and out of my life through the years. Don't you?

It's the end of the spring semester, and this time of the year always makes me think of when I was in college at Clarion over 3 decades ago.  I actually met a lot of great people there.  But, most of those whose paths crossed with mine back then, I've never seen again.  Like, for example, the cute guy I met before Dan swept me off my feet...the friendly classmate who once gave me a ride to the airport...the kind woman who tutored me in English and checked my grammar when I had to write papers...the only non-Panamanian roommate I had one summer...the professor who took me under her wing...or the ladies at the International Students' Office who organized the fun activities for students like me who didn't have anyone around.  All these wonderful people were in my life at a very important and brief moment...never to return again...and I wonder why?

There's also those who are in our lives negatively impacting our walk and making everything horribly challenging.  I'd rather not think of those, except to Praise the Lord for the fact that they aren't in my life anymore.  But still...I wonder...how come they left?  The most recent one was an absolute miracle.  A person who had been making my professional life absolutely miserable, all of a sudden announced she was leaving, and just like that...she was gone! I still don't understand how or why...but she left...allowing me to be able to breathe cleaner air again.

It's all very intriguing to me.

Today, however, I read one of those Facebook messages I love, and it said:  "They did not leave your life.  I moved them.  God."  

Of course...He takes care of us even when we don't even realize it.  

Our Heavenly Father knows exactly what and who we need in our lives way better than we do.  We have no clue, really.  We want these things and we pray they come to us.  We feel comfortable with some people and we hate it when they are no longer in our lives...but...if we could see it, if we could understand it, behind every person that is no longer in our lives, there is a reason why.  And yes, most likely, we will have to wait until we are on the other shore to comprehend it. But that's when faith needs to take over to help us trust that if we don't have them it's because...you know...it's impossible to say it depending on our circumstances...but we trust His plan is perfect even when it hurts.

It is faith what moves us to say in full confidence, "The Lord is My Shepherd, and I shall not be in want." (Psalm 23: 1)  The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1: 21b)

May Christ help us trust His decisions even when we don't understand them...may the assurance of His love for us bring comfort to our hearts as we learn to say goodbye.  Amen!

Sunday Chocolate

"What's wrong, Dylan?" I blurted out, my patience run thin after unsuccessfully trying to sort through his incoherent mumbling.  They say I need to get my ears checked.  I insist they need to articulate.  

At any rate...we were on the way home from church, and he finally said, "I'm feeling low...like I have no purpose in life..." I just sighed deeply, in a futile effort to give my mind some time to search for the right words to say to encourage the child.  Thankfully, Dan took over and elaborated on how saying we have no purpose is almost blasphemous since the reason we exists is proof enough that we do have a purpose...a reason to be here.  Otherwise, we would simply just not be here.  He went on talking to Dylan about how the chief end of man is to glorify and worship God and other very inspired words.  As Dan spoke, I began to feel better myself (since I too was feeling low).  After a long pause...all I could say was: "I hope you were paying attention to your Dad.  I wish someone had spoken to me like that when I was your age.  Maybe I wouldn't be so messed up now...also, when we get home, let's just have a piece of chocolate.  As we well know, there's nothing chocolate can't cure!"  Those inspired words earned me an enthusiastic, "yeah."

I had finally said something everyone could agree upon.

Did you know that the Mayans considered chocolate to have medicinal powers? Cacao, the fruit from which chocolate is made was believed by this ancient civilization to be a gif from the gods.  The Aztecs also knew about the power of chocolate.  They even used cacao as currency.  The Spaniards introduced chocolate to Europe in the 1500s and the love-affair with this elixir exploded.  However, back then, only the elites had access to it.  Luckily, now, for a couple of bucks we can pop this miracle food into our mouths and let it work its magic.

I don't know why sometimes we feel adrift.  I don't know why there are days when we just feel low.  Maybe it's the rain, the clouds, the cold, the disappointed hopes.  Maybe it's a chocolate deficiency...but sometimes we just need to be reminded of who we are...and to whom we belong.  And what best way to remember all these than to go to the ancient words that are always true.  Psalm 139 can offer us a bit of it as we read:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139: 13-16)

This is our currency.  This is our medicinal elixir.  This is our energy drink.  This is our power food.  The Word of God is our source of truth and of worth...something not even chocolate can do.

"I feel better now..." Dylan said after spending some time at home watching a good movie and eating some chocolate.  I pray the biblically inspired words Dan spoke to him also had an impact in our young son's state of mind.  I hope he and all of us can Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34: 8)