Not by my will, but by His Might!

I can't believe it just got so dark in here.  A minute ago I had to close the shutters because the sun was hitting my eyes, and now, I have to open them because all the light is gone.  Dark clouds cover the sky...yuk... a thought pops into my mind:  I have NO will-power.  That is a truth about me that I try to hide as best as I can.  The thing is, the person I try to hide this truth from the most is myself.  But, then, the truth comes out and it explodes in my face, leaving me disheartened.  Like, when I'm sitting in my reclining chair at night, watching a show, feeling and looking totally bloated after devouring a thousand snacks...because I was hungry and didn't have the will-power to say NO to myself.

UGH!

I don't know where I'm going with these thoughts.  The only thing I know is that I'm not feeling particularly in-love with myself this afternoon. Perhaps, it's the fact that Grant left for work today, which means I won't see him more than Saturday nights, and after having him home for a month, I'm feeling deflated by seeing he is gone again.  Maybe, it's the fact that work is consuming me and I feel like I'm drowning.  I also think the fact that Dylan is running in 3 different directions today (which means I have to drive him) is particularly stressing me out right now. Or, it might be that I feel trapped in my clothes because of all the weight I've gained lately due to the fact that I can't muster the will-power to stop eating, precisely because I have NO will-power!

Sigh...

I look out the window and see that the dark clouds have actually gone away, leaving room for the blue skies to shine again.  Then, another thought pops into my mind out of nowhere: whatever is causing me to be unhappy with myself today is not powerful enough to destroy a truly fundamental truth:  I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength...in Christ who makes all things new. (Philippians 4: 13, Revelations 21: 5)

Just like the blue skies are always there, even when they are covered by dark clouds, Jesus is always in me, in the Person of the Holy Spirit, even when I allow my mind to go to all my dark places.  I know my lack of will-power often drags me down to the pit, leaving me emotionally deflated. But I also know that Christ's Powerful Hand is always extended towards me, to lift me up, and to bring me out, where I can breathe again. Not even my non-existing will-power can erase that...because it is not about me or about what I do.  It is all about Him and about what He has done and continues to do for me...for us.  It is not by my will.  It is by His Might!  It's not by my will that things might happen.  It's by His Might that they get done!

Follow Him

Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1 Peter 2: 12

"I open the door for a girl today..." Dylan said as he was getting into my car when I went to pick him up after open-gym last week. "When she asked if someone could help her, nobody moved...I looked at the other guys and they didn't move. It's like they froze. Then, I got up and open it for her, and she said, 'thank you VERY much'..." He was proud and excited. I said, "good job, Dylan, always be ready to help, be a gentleman. Girls like that, even if society tells them they don't..." I was thinking in my head, "you should not have waited until she asked for help"...but...I have to pick my battles, I guess... "She will remember that, I guarantee it," I told him.  He felt good about it, especially because he thought that small action might have gotten him bonus points in the 'guys-to-keep-in-mind-for-possible-dates' score-card... I know...well, he is almost 16, so what am I going to do, right?

Anyway, reading 1 Peter 2: 12 made me think of this incident.  How do we live our lives in front of the pagans who deny God? How do we live out our faith as Christians in a society that tries to erase any trace of the Judeo-Christian values that constitute the foundations of this nation? How do we remain faithful as we witness the inevitable collapse of our country?

We have to do our part.  But, what's our part?

I think our job is to make sure we share our beliefs with those within our circle of influence and make an effort to live our lives in a way that demonstrate our faith:  let our actions be a reflection of Christ to those who watch us.  The problem is: do we have what it takes to live like this?

I fail over and over and over again.  My good deeds are lacking and my mouth is silent. In my fear of stepping on a mine as I walk on the mine-field that is my life, I freeze.  I don't want to be accused of doing wrong because that would jeopardize my position and our financial stability.  It's like I forget that I have been set free for often I feel as if I'm a slave to the pagans...and I'm ashamed of it...

What can I do?

18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him. Matthew 4: 18-20

Follow Him. That's what we must do: continue to follow Him regardless of the consequences.  Empowered by the Holy Spirit, follow Him. Covered by His Love, follow Him.  Strengthened by His Power, follow Him.  Offering our weaknesses as a sacrifice, follow Him.  Giving Him our failures and our disappointing deeds, follow Him. Remembering not to be anxious about our future, follow Him. Trusting His provision, follow Him. Being willing to take that small step to open the door for someone in need, follow Him. Surrendered at the foot of the Cross in all our weakness, follow Him. 

I don't know if Dylan will get high points in the girl-scoreboard ever...but I hope he is always ready to take that step of faith that will lead him to follow Him and to bring some light into this dark, dark world.  As for me...I trust the Holy Spirit will push me to where I need to be.  In the Precious Name of the One We Follow, Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Leader.  Amen!

The Bridges of God

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. John 16: 13

Pastor Dan at church on Sunday used the analogy of bridges to refer to the Holy Spirit.  He pointed out how, after Jesus' physical presence from the world was gone, the Holy Spirit became our bridge to connect with God on a regular basis.  That was Jesus' promise in John 16:13, that even though His physical presence would not be with us anymore for a while, He would send The Advocate, the Truth Bearer, the Revealer of All Things to dwell in us and guide us.

What a magnificent message!  Jesus' words were meant to console His Disciples and to prepare them for their time of grief, but they were also meant for us, centuries later, His new disciples, the Church, to reiterate the truth of His Presence in us.  Therefore, the message is intended to keep us from despair and to give us hope, the kind of hope that a feeling of connection brings.  Here's where the analogy of the bridge works so well.  What does a bridge represent if not the connecting of two points that were previously separated by a chasm? 

Humanity had been on the other side of the abyss since Adam and Eve, but Jesus changed all that.  That's what the tearing of the Temple veil means: there is no more separation between humanity and God.  There is now a bridge and that bridge is Jesus. (Matthew 27: 51, Mark 15: 38, Luke 23: 45, Hebrews 10: 19-22) And once Jesus ascended, the bridge remained in the presence of the Holy Spirit in us: the Spirit of Truth and Understanding, Our Guide, Our Consoler, Our Advocate. (John 16: 7-15)

However, the miracle of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit does not stop at a personal level.  It is not a private miracle intended just for the individual.  The way I see it is more circular:  Jesus came down to earth to become the Bridge to God.  He ascended into Heaven for a while, but sent the Holy Spirit to reinforced and cement that Bridge to God.  The Holy Spirit dwells in God's children.  God's children carry the Holy Spirit in them.  Perhaps, then, the Holy Spirit allows and empowers God's children to become the bridges of God themselves.

I'm not saying that as individuals who are the temple of the Holy Spirit, we become the Holy Spirit and therefore, have the power to save.  Absolutely not.  My point is that, it might be possible, that the Holy Spirit in us can act through us to be the arms, hands, feet and voice of God while here on earth, and maybe, the same way, also as His bridges.  We, often, might be the only reference to God that a person may encounter in their life.  Empowered by the Holy Spirit, the Bridge becomes available to those who are lost and still standing on the other side of the gap, through us.  

The gift of His Presence in me, is not just for me.  This is a gift that is supposed to be shared with the world...even if the world doesn't even know they want it.

The Bridge is already built.  Jesus is the Bridge.  May the Holy Spirit show us the way to extending Him, Christ the Great Bridge, to those around us. In His Precious Name.  Amen!

Driven

 One thing I always complain about my son Grant is...his lack of fire...he doesn't show much passion about anything...he doesn't seem to get excited about much...he is NOT driven...sigh...

AND.IT.DRIVES.ME.CRAZY!

(pun totally intended)

Anyway...driven...

Today, I read something that made me think about this concept.  It was a question that was meant to make the reader contemplate.  And, it achieved its purpose, I tell you.  The question was something like this:  "Why is it necessary for driven people to go on neutral sometimes?"

As you might have guessed it, the reason Grant's non-driven-personality drives me CRAZY is because I've always been pretty driven myself. And it pains me to feel like I have to be constantly pushing and/or dragging him.  Actually, I find myself pushing and/or dragging not just him, but, well, everyone around me.  I don't even have to know the person for me to feel compelled to push or drag or both (I push and then I drag).  Walmart's cereal isle, Main Street between 4 and 5 p.m., Aldi on a Wednesday or Saturday...my point is, I'm a rather driven person, so I'm pushy, impatient, controlling, verbally abusive, non-empathetic, unkind and always in a hurry.

So, I felt that the question was directed at me personally, but, "go on neutral"? What does that even mean?

 First, I looked up the definition of "driven."  I found two very intriguing explanations for the concept:

1. -operated, moved, or controlled by a specified person or source of power.
   
   -relentlessly compelled by the need to accomplish a goal; very hard-working and ambitious.

I'm not sure, but to me, these two ideas seem like opposing concepts, don't you think? The description of myself I offered earlier, points to a person who is relentlessly controlling to a fault, which is closer to the second idea in the definition of driven, the one about being very hard-working, ambitious, compelled by the need to accomplish. But then, the word also means "operated, moved or controlled by a specific person or source of power"...what?

The thing is that I see the idea of being driven as an active state, full of action and doing... the words in the first definition, though, are all very passive.  How could the same word mean active and passive at the same time? It's like one definition describes Grant and the other one me!  How can that be?  How can it be both? UGH!

Well, perhaps, that might be why the question is asking to consider the need for driven people to go on "neutral" once in a while.  So I went and looked for a definition of "neutral" that could bring some light to this scenario, and I found one that made me pause:  "a position of disengagement."

I think I'm starting to see something here.  As a driven person, I am "relentlessly compelled to accomplish, I'm hard-working and ambitious" I'm constantly on the move.  I think, if I don't do it, it won't get done...and it must be done, and it must be done NOW! Being driven is exhausting, and it can lead to insanity!  That is just simply not how we are to operate as children of the Most High King. As Christians, we are to trust, rely and fully depend on Our Lord.  That sounds totally like the first definition of the concept of driven, doesn't it?  But, how do I do that? How do I switch between the two definitions?

Somehow, driven Christians of the second definition, need to get to the first definition, and the only way to do it is by disengaging...and going on neutral for a while.  Going on neutral is the only way to do what Jesus tells us:  "Do not be anxious..." (Matthew 6: 34) and just roll and let the Lord do the work.  Let go and let God.  Be still and know...

How else do we expect to allow our Source of Power to move us if we are so tightly engaged on our twisted gears, that we don't release control?

Sigh...

I think God gave me Grant so I would remember that sometimes, I just have to shift to neutral and roll with it...trusting God and knowing He is the Divine Driver who will take us wherever we need to go.  I pray I can recall this the next time the boy drives me crazy.  I have to find that middle, that neutral spot between the two definitions...go on neutral and just enjoy the ride...let Jesus do the pushing.  Amen!

The Frequency of the Heart

- "Lo siento, no hablo inglés..."

- "No hay problema, ¡yo hablo español!"

If there is one thing we do not have to worry about with Jesus is the language barrier...because there simply isn´t one.  He speaks to us in our own language.  And by the same token, He enables us to hear Him because He delivers His messages in a way that we can understand.  He talks to us in a way that cuts through the noise and the competing frequencies that threaten  the message to be diluted...in a way that cuts to the heart.  

 I have spent about 22 years of my life trying to communicate to my Spanish students that there is a deep and powerful connection between a person's native language and their heart, their emotions.  My goal is to create in my students a desire to learn Spanish so, when they are out there, in the "real world," working with the public...a public, which is increasingly more diverse each and every day...and they run into a Spanish-speaking person who they want to reach to sale a product, an idea, a service, a perspective, a cause, etc. they can make a connection at an emotional level which will help them be more successful in their attempts.  

Most students don't get it.  They don't really care.  They just want to get through the class with a passing grade and forget the whole thing about Spanish.  But, once in a while, there is one who understands it.  The reason this student gets it is because he or she had been in a situation where the roles were reversed, and this student had experienced what it feels like to be in a place where the majority of the people speak a language other than English.  These are the students who volunteer a brief narrative where they timidly comment how amazing it felt when, in the middle of a confusing moment, where everyone else around them was speaking this other language that they couldn't understand...they heard a sentence in English! 

It's like the mind just opens up, and the light of comprehension floods through your senses, you feel warm inside, and you want to burst in tearful Hallelujahs because you understand!

In a small measure, that must have been what it felt like when the Holy Spirit entered the place where they were all gathered together during Pentecost, and the flames of God came unto them, filling them with The Holy Spirit and enabling them to speak in tongues and in every one of the languages of each of the persons present there at that time.  No matter how remote a corner of the known world they had come from, the people present on that day were able to hear the message in their own native language, and the result was amazement, elation, jubilation and mass conversion.

The way I see it, God knows about that connection between native language and emotions.  Of course He does, He designed it!  He is the Master Communicator.  He knows how to speak to us in a way we can comprehend it...and He knows, even when we are fluent in more than one earthly language, there is nothing like receiving His message in the tongue we consider our first and most dominant one...the mother-tongue.  Millions of people in this country speak a language other than English at home.  And that is the language of the heart.  They might communicate in English with the outside world, but when someone speaks the mother-tongue to them, the heart begins to listen in a more profound and impactful way than they hear when they are only listening with their ears.  

That's why the Holy Spirit made it so everyone present at that glorious Pentecost Day described in Acts 2 would hear Peter's message in their mother-tongue...because that was the most sure way to reach the frequency of the heart.  That was the only way He knew the words would "cut to the heart."  That was the only way He knew, the message of salvation would not be diluted or lost in translation.

The Holy Spirit allows us to receive God's message regardless of the source...regardless of the language...in a way that is customized to us.  And that is the gift that transforms us.

I hope my students ever care enough to accept the reality of the power of speaking to others in a way they can understand.  Sometimes the message is way too important for it to be lost in translation.

“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.”

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

Acts 2: 36-39

Your Love and Your Truth Protect Me

 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...Colossians 3: 23

Work, work, work...that has been my story since March 2020.  I feel as if it has been one, big, 14-month-long semester without a break...and I'm exhausted...

I don't want to complain because I have a good job.  The Lord has been Faithful to us and has provided beautifully for us always, and especially during these times of uncertainty.  But, I'm tired.  Worse yet, I don't feel as if I have been working "for the Lord."  And that's what really weights heavily in my heart.

I'm not sure all my toiling has anything to do with the work of God's Kingdom.  I think I have lost track of my vision and I've wandered off the path here.  I'm not really sure where I'm going.  I look at myself and what I do, and I see just a list of senseless tasks, accomplished mindlessly...without a mission.  I feel no higher sense of purpose.  If I'm brutally honest here, all I see is that my only goal is to endure and my motivation is money...sigh...

I think that's why I'm so drained: because I spend long hours working, without an actual purpose.

Then, I read verses like Colossians 3: 23 and I feel convicted that I am not putting my heart into my work. But why is that?  Well, because I'm not working for Him.  I'm not dedicating it to the Only One who deserves the title of Master and Lord in my life.  I'm endlessly working for all the wrong reasons.  I'm turning money and other humans into masters, not realizing they are usurping the Lord's rightful place.

What to do, then? Repent!  Ask for forgiveness and pray for guidance.  I don't want to be like the rich fool in Luke 12: 13-21 or the young, rich guy and the Kingdom of Heaven in Matthew 19: 16-30.

The good news in these parables is that, in the end, even after all my failures, missteps, detours and mistakes, it is not about me.  I cannot work my way into salvation.  When the disciples witnessed the seeming impossibility of the young rich man to enter Heaven, they were alarmed and wondered: "Who then can be saved?" (Matthew 19: 25)  And of course, that was one of Jesus' reasons for the entire exchange: to speak truth.  “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19: 26)

That is the key to my dilemma: I will never be good enough to deserve God's love, but He loves me anyway.

So, in my useless toiling, I just have to make sure I keep my eyes on Him and that when I feel lost, I pause...pause long enough to take the time to re-dedicate my work so I can give it all my heart, as I remember that I'm not doing it for human masters, but completely and absolutely onto the Lord.

You, LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me; Your mercy and Your truth will continually watch over me. Psalm 40: 11

Pursuing Dreams

The LORD has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for a day of disaster.

Proverbs 16: 4

An ocean front condo at a location that is warm 365 days out of the year...sigh...with a balcony big enough to fit a couple of chaise lounges, a small table and chairs and maybe a writing desk, right smack in front of the big blue.  The huge sliding door would open wide, letting all that ocean breeze come in...no need for A/C. The kitchen would be open to the view and so will the two bedrooms.  This is what I would tell you if you'd ask me what my pipe dream is...sigh...

By definition, a pipe dream is an unattainable hope or plan.  The origin of the expression is just as bad.  The saying refers back to the 19th century when workers would smoke opium out of a pipe and experience fanciful/psychedelic dreams...yeah...I told you it was bad.  And maybe my dream is bad too.  It's bad because it is selfish.  It is "me" centered.  It's not philanthropic.  It's not altruistic.  It's not filled with good deeds.  It's just a fantasy that tries to recreate my idea of paradise on earth for me.  I should just quit trying to pursuit a way to make it come true, even if at a very reduced level.  It's not worth it.  I don't know why I have such a wasteful dream...

Instead, I should be dreaming of using my savings to help others and further God's Kingdom in mighty ways.  I can always just go on a week-long vacation and rent a dreamy condo.  I don't have to buy it.  How silly of me thinking buying a beach-front condo is a good idea.

But, for some reason, the dream sticks.  Even if it's not all I want, I keep going back to the idea of buying a little place where I can escape.  I would rent it out during the time I can't use it, but then, I would fly there over the summer and unplug.  It would be available for family and friends.  Depending on the location, I could be half way to Panama!  Maybe my sister could use it too!  As impractical as it is, I just can't wake up...the dream sticks...and I wonder why that is.

Since I can't figure out why I can't give up on my dream, I figured I'd just put it in God's hands.  Proverbs 16: 9 says, The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  So, I won't try to crush or erase my silly, superficial, materialistic, selfish dream...I'm just going to present it to the Lord and see how He directs my steps.  Maybe it will remain a dream...something to escape reality, maybe it will actually become a reality that is used for His purpose and His glory.  Who am I to try to pretend I know how to decipher the ways of the Lord, right?

I'm not saying mine is, but, pipe dream or not, sometimes there are deeply burning longings in our heart that are placed there for a reason.  I don't pretend to know God's mind...but...I believe He can use anything for His glory and for the good of His children...even silly dreams.