From Panic to Pause

Panic is my M.O.

When something goes wrong in life (which is quite often, as you may have experienced) my usual reaction is to overreact.  Just ask my kids.  I have to admit, Grant's reenactments of my overreactions are hilarious! But it's true, fear creeps up right away, and in my fret, I start sending panicky prayers.  Not that long ago, led by the Holy Spirit, a phrase came to me:  "Thank You, Lord, for opportunities to trust You!"  That prayer of thanksgiving has become my go-to thought when I find myself in the midst of a panic-induced reaction.  Of course, sometimes the intensity of the moment is such that the prayer goes out the window...but...when Our Good Father allows me a second of lucidity, long enough to move my hand from the panic to the pause button, the prayer comes to me and I begin to calm down.

Today's post on the devotional: My Utmost for His Highest spoke about this, and on the one hand, it convicted me, but on the other one, it gave me great hope.  This is why I wanted to share it with you here, praying that it blesses you as much as it did to me:

"The Theology of Rest"

Why are ye fearful, 0 ye of little faith? — Matthew 8:26

When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but Our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His Name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones. Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits’ end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of the world; He seems to be asleep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead.

“O ye of little faith!” What a pang must have shot through the disciples — “Missed it again!” And what a pang will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced down right joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.

There are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him.

We have been talking a great deal about sanctification — what is it all going to amount to? It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight, but a deep joy to Him.

I don't know about you, but this really hit it close to home for me today.  I especially was struck by the sentence that says how in a crisis, God's children are supposed to be the reliable ones.  I have failed pretty much every time I've been tested on this subject. In my moments of crisis, more often than not, I'm the one fretting and making things worst.  And, even though I've gotten better, I'm still too quick to hit that panic button first, and too slow to reach for the pause. But I know that through the sanctification process, God demonstrates that we are not done yet.  And, by His love, grace, mercy and compassion, He continues to show us the way...He is the ONLY Reliable One.  And I trust in His Faithfulness.  

Blessed are those who keep his statutes

and seek him with all their heart. Psalm 119: 2

Of Birthdays and Joy

 Birthdays are a perfect occasion to spend time pondering...pondering what's ahead and what's behind.  Birthdays can be festive, full of excitement and partying! They can also be melancholic, lonely and filled with worry.  As most things in life, it comes down to a choice: what do I want my attitude to be in my birthday, a positive or a negative one? 

I know, sometimes we find it very difficult to believe that we do have a choice as to what attitude we have when approaching something challenging.  We get so caught up in our circumstances that we don't see how it could be possible that we can choose.  We feel as if we have no say in the matter.  I know.  The reason I know is because that's how I've lived most of my life...thinking I have no choice...thinking that my attitude is determined by my situation.  But, is it?

We are called to be people of joy.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Philippians 4: 4

When are we supposed to rejoice?  ALWAYS!  Not just when things are going well.  Not just when circumstances are right.  ALWAYS...and Paul repeats it:  A.L.W.A.Y.S.

And where do we find this joy?  In His Presence!

You make known to me the path of life; 

in your presence there is fullness of joy; 

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16: 11

In Him we find the kind of joy that will lead us to have the right attitude in every situation.  Because it is only in Him, in His Presence, that we will have the peace that surpasses all understanding and that is linked to overflowing joy.  And the right attitude is exactly that: peace and joy in the Lord!

I know it is hard to find that kind of joy.  And the reason it is hard is because we don't seek Him First.  We don't make it our job to seek His Presence as the main goal of our lives.  I know I don't.  I am too busy with life to seek the Fountain of Life.  That's the absurdity of who I am.  I am so worried about the material life that surrounds me, that I don't dedicate the time I ought to, to seeking a stronger connection with the spiritual realm.  And because my connection with the physical world is stronger than the one with the eternal...I am too sensitive to every little thing that happens...every thing that sways the world affects me.  Whereas, if I were more intentional about strengthening my links to the spiritual, the eternal truth of God's presence would keep me steady.

Today, I choose to have an attitude of joy.  I choose to let go and let God...if only for today.  Tomorrow will bring its own challenges.  For now, I stand in Him, and I remember that: 

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118: 24

How Long Is It Too Long to Pray?

 How long is it too long to pray for something?  Is there a time limit...an expiration date for prayer? Is there a moment...when we say: it's been too long...I can stop praying now because it's not going to happen?  How long do we continue to pray until we realize the answer is no?

Is an hour too long? How about a day? or a week, a month...a year?  Is 10 years too long to be praying for something and still have faith it will happen?  When do we give up praying for something in particular?

The thing is, we are commanded in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to "pray without ceasing" non-stop, always, all the time. We are to "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving" (Colossians 4:2).  Steadfast means: resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.  So, how long is too long? I would say, until there is still breath in our lungs and our hearts keep beating we continue praying without ceasing. 

Sometimes we don't get to see it on this side of eternity...I prayed for reconciliation between my brother and my Father, but my Father passed away a couple of hours before my brother could make it to his deathbed.  That was a tragic story that would not reach its resolution on this earth.  But I have continued to pray for reconciliation between those of us still around, and this last few days, 12 years since praying began, I've seen the first steps taken towards that elusive state where we can be a family again, and for that I give praise!

Over the years I've known only God could soften the hearts...and I've been tempted to believe that it was not His will to do it, but I continued praying mostly guided by obedience and perhaps, habit. Today, my faith is renewed by the hesitant, baby steps that have been taken.  I know the road is long and many may fall on it before we get to be whole again, but it is clear that God's will is to mend the broken hearts and dry off every tear, not just in Heaven, but often also here.

How long is it too long to pray for something? An entire lifetime is not enough.

May the Holy Spirit guide us in our prayers, and as Paul told us, may we experience how "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

In the Precious Name of Our Lord! Amen.

The Son is behind every cloud

 I  don't like clouds.  I mean, I do like light, white, puffy clouds against a strikingly blue sky.  Of course, who doesn't like those?  I'm talking about those heavy, menacing clouds that bring darkness all around.  I also dislike it tremendously when gray clouds take over the entire sky and the weather person on TV uses the term "overcast."  UGH!  It's as if my very soul becomes "overcast" and I can't feel the beat of my own heart.

Sigh...

But then, I read something on the devotional: My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers that made me rethink my position on clouds:  "clouds are connected with God."

hmmm....

He also says:  "It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith."

But then, Chambers also writes: "It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something.  His purpose in the cloud is to simplify our belief until our relationship to Him is exactly that of a child: God and my own soul, other people are shadows..."

At first, the two thoughts seemed contradictory to me: on the one hand, God is teaching us to walk by faith when He brings clouds to our lives...on the other, God wants us to unlearn something...so, what is it?

After thinking about it for a while, I think the two concepts are NOT mutually exclusive.  I think they are complementary.  They close the teaching-learning circle.  

He is teaching us to walk by faith and we are learning to have faith like a child.  There is nothing like the clouds to bring storms.  And there's nothing like storms to teach us we are completely dependent on God's Power and Will.  There is nothing or no one else in the great storms but Jesus and me.  We might be surrounded by people while the winds and the precipitation are savaging our shelter, but in our heart...in the depth of our soul...we are alone with Christ.  We are completely in His Hands...the only Mighty Hands capable of saving.  It's a simultaneous act: He is teaching us the reality of our dependence, and we are learning He is the Only One we can depend on, like a child clinging to his Father's waist when plagued by his worst fears.  Everyone else is a shadow.  It's just me and My Daddy...

The clouds help me unlearn any illusion of self-reliance or of dependability on others...on any other who is not God.

I still don't like the darkness that clouds bring...I tremble at the ominous sound of the word "overcast"...but, perhaps keeping in mind that clouds are connected to God's desire for us to become closer to Him, would help me have a renewed perspective.  After all, the Son is always behind every cloud!

The Link to My Heart

 I've been a rather selfish type of person...always trying to figure out "what's in it for me." God has funny ways of dealing with selfish people like me, though.  He gives us spouses that don't comply, children that think they have their own lives and pets that steal one's heart.  Today, my selfish-self is being tested by our furry-friend, Link.

I never had a pet before Link.  I'm quite afraid of dogs.  I'm allergic to cats.  Fish are just too creepy.  And there's no way I'm having a glorified rat in my house on purpose! (No offense, please forgive me) So, after resisting the persisting cries for a dog from the other people I live with, we got Link.  It's been about seven years since he became a member of our family...and oddly enough, he has been able to chisel through the armor I had wrapped around my heart, and has taken possession of it.  

Link, like everyone else in this house, drives me CRAZY!  Again, I'm selfish by nature, so, his neediness tests my patience because it represents a demand on my precious time and an alteration to my agenda.  But, nothing compares to the faithfulness and devotion he constantly demonstrates to  the wretched and selfish me.  Link is my companion.  He is always sitting by my side wherever I am.  He sooths me, petting his curly fur is like a balm to my soul.  He cheers me up.  And he is never to proud to shower me with his complete demonstrations of affection.  He is the only one who I can count on being there, at the top of the stairs, waiting for me.  His face is the first one I ever see every time I come in the house.  Every morning, he welcomes me with energy and every night he says goodbye to me with his sad puppy eyes.

I never knew this kind of love before...the kind of unselfish love that a furry-friend displays unto his human.  That was totally foreign to me, until Link.  So now, a day after I got horrible news about a heart condition that is most likely going to cut his life short...I am devastated.  The Vet went on and on and on with the explanations of what's wrong with Link...and I was just numb.  Nothing made sense to me.  I came home with a bunch of pills, a confused mind and a broken heart.  I didn't know what to think or how to react.  I couldn't process the reality that Link is fading... I kept thinking, he'll be back to his old self tomorrow after a good night sleep...but this morning...he is not.  He is slowing down, and I don't know how to make it stop.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know if he is suffering or in pain.  I feel lost.  That's when I knew I had to write about it to help me digest what's happening.

I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance...and I seem to be hearing, sensing, my old, selfish-self popping back up again.  Am I being too selfish in trying to hang on to Link longer than I should in spite of his own suffering?

I don't know.

All know is that in moments like this, we question and wonder why life has to be so hard...why does a loving God make us go through the painful experience of loss? 

I don't know the answer to that either.  All I know is that God is Good.  And that He is Good, ALL the time! Regardless of the circumstances, the truth of God's love is unchangeable.  He is Faithful too, and His plans are perfect.  All I know is that I choose to trust Him, whether I understand His designs for my life or not...because He is worthy of all my trust and praise...no matter what.

I thank God for having given me Link for all these years...so I could learn more about unselfishness and unconditional love.  I am grateful that He allowed me to discover through Link's eyes, that I am not completely unlovable. I would forever praise Him for showing me the Link to my heart.  And I trust that my tiny friend still has some more good years in him, but that I will have the clarity of mind to know when time comes...so I'm not guided by my own selfish feelings, and avoidance, but by what is right and best for him.  

Meant to be?

 I didn't grow up listening to American Country Music, and I'm not, what you would say:  a fan, BUT I can appreciate its merits, especially when it comes to the lyrics.  Country Music typically injects a strong dose of poignancy on the one hand, while on the other it showers you with hope, humor and irony.  Clever writing and rhyming make for good story-telling...and even the shortest of songs can pull at one's heart strings with great intensity.  Such is the case of "Meant to Be" a cross-over song by a singer-song-writer who is NOT known as a country music star, but she featured a country music duo as well as country style tunes, so it broke into the Country Music Charts with force...and even though the song was released in 2017, it recently marked the Billion views mark in YouTube...a BILLION...

At any rate, I'm not here to promote the song, but the line:  "if it's meant to be, it'll be...baby just let it be" popped into my mind when I was reading today's piece in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  I know, right?  Crazy!  But that's the brain, for you...

At the end of today's devotional reading the author states:

"At critical moments it is necessary to ask guidance, but it ought to be unnecessary to be saying always: "O Lord, direct me here, and there." Of course He will!  If our common-sense decisions are not His order, He will press through them and check; then we must be quiet and wait for the direction of His presence."

I'm a firm believer that the road the Lord wants us to walk on is not supposed to lead us onto a cliff.  A cliff is a mass of rock that rises very high and is almost vertical, like a wall...a WALL...and I think, if we hit a wall, regardless of the angle: be it from the top of it or from the bottom...that means we are not going much further.  I don't think that's where God's road is supposed to take us.  Of course, by His power and might we could climb that wall or jump over the cliff...however...I tend to think that, if by any chance we end up facing an unsurmountable wall or barrier...perhaps, that might not have been exactly the road we were supposed to be on...and the wall appears so we turn around and get back on the right track...just sayin'.

I believe, if it's meant to be, it'll be...and vice versa.

And when it is not meant to be...it doesn't matter how much we try to force it.  The wall will remain unclimbed...and if we jump over the cliff...chances are we won't make it.

It is at that point: the wall facing point, when seemingly common-sense decisions that are "not His order" will be checked by Him as we quietly wait for the "direction of His presence."  And that is the key: the direction of His presence.  I believe that's how we know whether "it is meant to be" or not: by asking ourselves the question of whether His Presence is here/there or not...and by waiting quietly for His answer.  "Are You here Lord?"  "Are You in this wall, Lord?" "Is this Your wall for me?"  "Is this Your cliff for me?"  "Are You in the climb?"  "Are You in the jump?" or "Are You on the way back, away from it?"

Seeking Him first is our mission in life.  His presence goes before us.  If those are not our guiding principles...I'm sure we are headed to places where we are just not meant to be...and forcing it just because we want it or think we need it and desire it or because it makes sense to us...might end up hurting us. And we might end up like the subject of a sad country song that ends in tragedy...sigh...

I just pray that the Lord will reveal His Presence to us clearly and strongly so we can be guided by it wherever we go.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, The One Who We Seek.  Amen.

A Bit More About the Word

 I've been reading the classic devotional, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, and let me tell you, it is a very challenging reading.  I think the language barrier has a lot to do with it; but nonetheless, I'm enjoying the challenge.  The entry for a couple of days ago was called "The Miracle of Belief." And it took me back to my last blog post about God's ability to reach us through whatever means available...including Epic-War movies that people like me have to watch through their half-closed eyes and covered faces.  

Anyway, the devotional reading spoke about the power of the Word and how it is God's power, through His Word what moves to belief...not the media that broadcasts it.  Chambers says:

"Belief in Jesus is a miracle produced only by the efficacy of Redemption, not by impressiveness of speech, not by wooing and winning, but by the sheer unaided power of God.  The creative power of Redemption comes through the preaching of the Gospel, but never because of the personality of the preacher."

In the case illustrated by my post the other day, it wasn't the movie what got to me...it was the Word.  the proof is that I could hardly actually make myself watch the film.  But the Word...the Word pierced through my ears and got to my mind and ultimately open the door of my heart.  The movie was the media through which God brought His Word to me, but it wasn't because of the movie that I was touched...it was the Word what grabbed hold of me...because when the Word goes out, it never returns empty.  (Isaiah 55: 11)

The Word always speaks to us, regardless and often in spite of the media that broadcasts it.  

May the Holy Spirit soften our hearts and minds to His Word so we can hear it no matter how it gets to us.