How Can it Be?

This morning, chatting over texts with my sister who lives in Panama, both of us spent many paragraphs lamenting the many regrets we have had in our journey through motherhood. Remembering our missed opportunities and many mistakes over the years made us feel inadequate and undeserving. After our pity party the Holy Spirit led us to conclude that God knows what He is doing always. He knew what He was doing when He assigned us to be the mothers of our boys. He knows who we are...He knows our many flaws...He knew we would make all the mistakes we have made and will continue to make...and even so...He commissioned us to be the mothers of these young men we call our sons. I don't understand it...but often, we don't have to...we just trust He is the Divine Architect and that His plans are perfect.

Thinking about our many regrets brought me to Zephaniah 3: 17...a verse I don't read as often as I should...a verse that confuses me and leaves me dumbfounded...a verse that is such a gift to the soul.

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3: 17

What glorious words! Who am I that the God of Gods and King of Kings...the Ruler of All would delight in me to the point of no longer rebuking me, but rejoicing with singing over me...what a marvelous thought.  How could it be?  How can it be that He would delight over me with singing...me...such a wretched like me...How can it be that He would think of me...that He would die for me...

That is the Mystery of Easter.  That is the Gift of the Cross.  That is the Wonder of Grace.

There's no explanation.  We are completely undeserving of such Love.  This is when we realize it is not about us, who we are or what we have done.  It is all about Him, who He is and what He has done and continues to do.  It is about His Nature not ours.  It is for His glory not our own.  It is so we would have no doubt Who the King really is.  It is so we lift Him up as we fade in the background.

I don't think my mothering will improve much in the time I have left to be a Mom on this earth...I know I will continue to make mistakes and do things I regret.  I know I will still feel inadequate.  But, I hope I remember, I am loved beyond measure no matter what.  I pray I remain tuned into the frequency of Our Lord so I can hear Him singing over me.  What a wonderful thought that is.  He is Mighty to Save.  He is with us.  He rejoices in us.  May the Holy Spirit never let us forget this truth.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

"Sanconcho"

This past weekend I made "Sancocho," a traditional soup that people in Panama make when they have big family gatherings and any type of celebration, to share with whoever shows up for a meal.  It's not a fancy dish.  It is the soup of the people.  Rosa makes me that soup every time I visit her at her home in Panama.  It's filled with goodness, love and a side of white rice.  Nothing says home to me like a bowl of "Sancocho."  There's two versions, chicken or beef "sancocho."  My favorite is beef: "Sancocho de Res," and that's the one I made this weekend to celebrate spring break!  Every spoonful transports me to a time when life was simpler and carefree.  I didn't have much, but I was surrounded by the warmth of my people. "Sancocho" is always made in a big pot...the largest one you can find precisely because it is meant for sharing...because it's meant to build community...even if in a most humble way.

Today, as I ponder the scary things that are happening in the world, in our cities, towns, neighborhoods and families, I long for the days of simplicity...when a bowl of soup and a little bit of rice was all we needed to have a good time.  Making this soup brough up a deep-seated melancholy for a life without rush and ambition...making this soup also made me think of the story of "Stone Soup."

I remember the first time I heard of the "Stone Soup" story...it was at the New Castle Public Library's summer story hour.  We loved to go to the library in the summer for the summer reading program when the boys were little.  Even Dylan, who is not...a reader...every time we drive by the New Castle Public Library mentions it and spends some time reminiscing...

This morning, I think of the moral of this story, and of the importance of its lesson: sharing what little we have for the benefit of all.  It's the lesson of the feeding of the 5,000...it's the lesson of not hanging on so tightly to what we have because in letting go...in opening our hands and releasing the grip, we are filled up and renewed.  If the boy in the story of the feeding of the 5,000 hadn't showed up, Jesus would have still been able to feed the crowd, no problem...but...how much greater a lesson it is for us knowing that the selfless action of a young man led to such an amazing display of the power of solidarity and mercy. (John 6: 1-15)

Whether it is a bowl of Panamanian "Sancocho" with white rice, or "stone soup," or a feast of bread and fish enough to feed a town...I pray that the current instability of the world and around us would moves Christians to look inside and take the steps the Lord is calling us to take, in our own unique ways, for the benefit of all.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!

"Refuse to Worry!"

 My devotional reading this morning started with these words:  "Refuse to worry!"

Mercy, I needed to hear that.  I needed someone telling me that in a forceful way today.  I am so grateful that I read that devotional early in the day because the thought came to me several times throughout in different contexts.  

"In this world there will always be something enticing you to worry.  That is the nature of a fallen, fractured planet:  things are not as they should be." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) I am a testimony of how worry does have the ability to debilitate one's soul in the blink of an eye.  Worry about work...worry about health...worry about relationships...worry about loved ones...worry about inadequacies...worry about insecurities...worry about loss and loneliness...worry about worry...

Lord, forgive me for jumping to panic mode so quickly.  Why can't I just remain calm?

Breathe in...and exhale...

The antidote against worry? Prayer...a prayer-rich response to life's uncertainties is the way to combat the attacks of the enemy.  Like my devotional says:  "awareness of My Presence fills your mind with Light and Peace, leaving no room for fear.  This awareness lifts you up above your circumstances, enabling you to see problems from My perspective.  Live close to Me! together we can keep the wolves of worry at bay."  

Awareness of Jesus' presence in me...always...that's what I need.

This is the air that I breathe in: Jesus' presence.  I exhale the toxicity of a life apart from my source of strength, power and my refuge.  

Lord, please help me and everyone who is attacked by the arrows of worry, to remain under Your wings and inside of Your Sanctuary.  May we remember, during the furious hits of the enemy, that Your victory is already ours, and that we have nothing to fear.  You already fought our battles and You have won.  I love You, Jesus.  Thank You for Your Presence in me.  In Your Precious Name.  Amen!

Ballet Lessons

 As a young girl in Panama, I remember dreaming about taking ballet lessons. A couple of my life-long friends spent years in a dance academy...but not me.  I was never given the chance to join.  So, no ballet dreams come true for me.  I remember going to their recitals, and enjoying every minute of it.  I have to admit that I enjoyed even when they'd mess up...sorry...but it was funny seeing them miss a beat or two, and even tripping over their feet.  Shame on me...sigh...

At any rate, today's devotional reading talked about how in ballet you need to find your focal point in order to be able to perform the famous pirouette (or mad spinning, like I call it) gracefully, without falling on your face.  Like I said, I never did become a ballerina, but I have had my fair share of "mad spinning" in life, and I have ended up with my face on the ground more than once, because I have not stayed focused on the spot that gives me stability and steadiness: The Glorious Face of Our Lord Jesus.

It is incredible how an instant of taking our eyes off of Jesus can cause the floor to move.  This morning alone, I allowed myself a brief few seconds to worry about something happening in a text-message conversation with Dylan, that might very well turn out to be nothing, but at that very moment, I felt myself immediately spiraling down into a dark funnel of worry.  My pulse rate went up, my palms began to sweat, my mind started racing...until I put the phone down and walked away for a while.  I walked away and decided to leave the conversation hanging while I did my devotional reading...and I felt, I literally had a sense of God pointing out to me, how that was the right thing to do at that time.  Had I stayed in the conversation in the current condition of stress I was, the situation would have escalated from nothing to a huge problem without reason or justification for it...other than the fact that I was allowing worry to cause me to lose self-control.

Jesus called me back to Him.  He called me to spend time with Him instead.  He moved me to put my distraction away and to take my sight of the perceived problem and back onto Him...and I felt at peace right away.  How marvelous!  Imagine, it does work!  The Lord is, indeed near...if we come back to Him in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, the peace that transcends all understanding does guard our minds and hearts in Christ...(Philippians 4: 6-7) How about that...

I think the situation with Dylan is actually nothing...I'm trustingly staying away, carefully watching without getting involved unless needed...and, yes, I never got to take ballet lessons.  I never got to dance at a recital.  I never got to be in a dance team.  But, I have surely tripped over my own feet, and experienced life's many pirouettes...always to be rescued by my Divine Dance Partner...the Only One who can keep me safe in His strong arms.  

Like Pastor Dan says to us at the end of every service on Sundays, may we "dance with Jesus" in the ballroom of life all of our days.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!

The Necessity of Challenges

 "Why are challenges necessary for a successful life?" This was the closing meditation question at the end of my devotional reading this morning.  It is interesting that this question popped up around the time when I have been thinking about earthly v. spiritual success in relation to Dylan's challenging and disappointing basketball season.  

I think the reason challenges are necessary for a successful life has to do with God's goals for our lives...for our time on this earth.  And I believe His main goal is to develop our soul, our character as a spiritual being while in the flesh.  

The battles we fight against our conflicting desires are all aimed at a life blooming with the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5: 22)...a mind filled with whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable...(Philippians 4: 8)...a heart that recognizes that rejoicing in our suffering is not foolishness, but it is the way to produce endurance, and that endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)  

Simply put, without the struggle, we don't grow...our wings don't develop...Monarch butterflies, right?

Just like gold is refined by the fire...it is in the challenges when we find out who we really are, and what we need to change.  It is in our hardship and suffering that we become closer to Our Lord.  It is in the times of darkness, when we seek the Light.  It is in our loneliness that we find His Presence.  It is in our heartache when we feel His Loving Mercy and Compassion.  It is in our loss, when we gain Him. 

Thinking about Dylan and his "challenging" basketball season, through all the frustration and disappointment, I believe that the reason for that was because Our Lord is not interested in making Dylan a successful basketball player.  He wants to make him a successful man of God.

Life is hard, indeed.  There are moments when we are crushed and hurt.  But we pray that our moments of struggle may have a purpose even if we can't see it.  May our suffering produce in us the fruits of what Our Lord so lovingly planted.  May the Holy Spirit guide us through the rough patches along our road.  In the Precious Name of Our Savior, Jesus the Christ, Our Ever Present Help and Companion in our times of trouble.  Amen! 

Success

When you think of "success" what or who do you imagine? 

I don't know about you, but, when I think of someone successful, I imagine people who have been able to do well in life financially, emotionally, romantically, professionally, physically...and all those "ally" ending words... except ... for "spiritually."  At least I don't.

People who have achieved a higher level in their walk with God do not pop into my mind as the illustration of "successful."  And, I know that is totally wrong on my part.  If there is a success story is that one in which a soul who was lost is now found.  But, I think, the problem is that "success" as the world defines is has to do with misplaced glory.  

"I just want Dylan to feel successful! I want him to taste victory!" I said emphatically to Dan a few days ago after another VERY/EXTREMELY frustrating and disappointing basketball game.  He has had a really rough season this year due mostly to less than stellar coaching...plus some physical limitations that are impossible to overcome, such as the fact that Dylan is shorter than most of the other players.  But he loves the game.  He has dreams of continuing to play through High School and even college...I don't know how realistic those dreams are for him, though...and it breaks my heart.

Then, that same day, I read a devotional that talked about success, which was pretty much a slap on the face to me.  the reading stated: "earthly success is much different from success in God's eyes.  He values the compassion that moves us to rescue disadvantaged and hurting people...with God's help, we can align our values with His and devote ourselves to loving Him and others, which is the most significant achievement there is."  

I realized then, that what I have been wanting for Dylan is not the type of success that I should be encouraging or desiring.  I need to be concerned with his spiritual life, and with how God defines success, instead of the things of this world.  I need to nurture Dylan's compassionate heart and his love of people...his sensibility...his sense of empathy...his heart and his soul.  The world takes care of creating in us a lust for the material and the physical.  As his mother, I need to take care of the longings of the spirit.  I need to guide him on how all the glory belongs to God, not to us...so he doesn't misplace it...as we often do.

Today, as the basketball season is coming to a close, we contemplate how it might be his last...and how we need to be OK with that.  We think about the good that basketball has brought into our lives, and we leave it in God's hands...where all our dreams belong.  He has a perfect plan for us...even if different from what we first imagined.  

May the Holy Spirit show us the way we should go, so we taste the victory in Our Lord...the only real success we need to care about.  In the Precious Name of the One Who Overcomes so we can be overcomers ourselves.  Amen!

Surviving on Hugs and Prayers

 We are called to Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6: 2 And never is that command more important than when there is a heavy burden to bear...like dealing with grief. 

This verse came to mind when I heard the voice of a dearest friend whispering in my ear: "I'm surviving on hugs and prayers."

Unimaginable loss can be devastating to the human heart and soul.  Believers in Christ, however, are given a way to manage such unbearable and crushing devastation by remaining connected.  My friend's expression: surviving on hugs and prayers, clearly demonstrate this principle.  Jesus has given us the ability to sustain one another through our connections to one another...and to Himself.  

The "hug" part of this fellowship combo reflects the necessity of our connection with our brothers and sisters in Christ...at a physical/presential level.  

Think about it...one can't give or receive a hug from the distance.  In the times of the Covid-19 pandemic, the phrase "virtual hugs" became famous.  We know, however, those can't really replace the real thing.  A hug involves being wrapped around the flesh and bones of one-another...and the deep comfort that comes through that gesture cannot be replicated virtually or from the distance.  There is something almost supernatural in an embrace.  I would never forget the feelings of safety and love I experienced every time my Dad gave me a hug.  As an adult, each time I visited Panama, he was always the first face I saw when the airport doors would slide open.  And his outstretched arms were always the first ones to greet me back home.  Today, my eyes inevitably scan the space looking for him every time I go down there...even though he's been gone for almost 10 years.  The lack of his hugs have left a great void in my life...but fortunately, I have the blessing of other hugs that have stepped in to try to fill it.

The prayer aspect of the combo reflects the connection with the Divine.  

Prayer is our immediate connection with Our Lord and Savior, and it is how our brothers and sisters have an opportunity to intercede for us before Our God.  We enlist our prayer warriors in our times of need, suffering, hardship, as well as in our time of rejoicing and jubilation.  Together we lift our petitions and praises to a God who listens and answers, and who is in there, with us, when two or three gather together in His Name (Matthew 18: 20).  In prayer, we join forces and witness how true it is that The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34: 18).  

We do survive on hugs and prayers.  That is the foundation of our faith: remaining connected to one another and to the Divine.  There isn't any other way to go through this life.  

May the Holy Spirit light up our path and guide us to staying connected in the Body of Christ to others and to Himself, so we may endure the heavy burdens we encounter on our way.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!