The Lifter of My Head

Those who knew my Father could probably agree in the assessment that he was a tough figure, an oak of a man, not very flexible, strict, and rather scary.  As the youngest child, however, I had the privilege of seeing the tender side of my Dad.  Even in his old age, he was still a commanding man, don't get me wrong.  But I was able to glimpse at the softer version of this amazing individual.  I remember how he could perceive something was not quite right with me only by the way I'd say hello on the phone, during our weekly conversations.  

When I was still at home, he would know that something was bothering me as he'd see me walking up the driveway after school.  The thing is that our High School got too big for the infrastructure, so they made certain grades and groups go on different shifts.  I was in the group that went in the afternoon shift, so I wouldn't get back home until 6:00 p.m.  By then, my Dad would be back home from work, so he'd sit at the front porch to wait for me.  I remember, very fondly, how he would stand up and meet me half-way on the driveway.  And on those days, when life had hit me hard at school, he'd notice, and he'd cradle my face in his big hands, forcing me to look up at him, only to smile and give me a couple of gentle paddings on my cheeks.  

Long gone are those days when I found comfort in my father's hands...

Life hasn't gotten any easier...

I often feel inadequate...not good enough...which causes me to walk around with my head low.  Fear of not being what I am supposed to be...fear of disappointing those who count on me cause a dark cloud to follow me wherever I go.

Sometimes I want to run away in shame.  I want to hide, where the enemy cannot find me. But I can't, for I fear I carry my worst enemy in my mind.  My thoughts entangle me.  They slip out of my control, and I'm left in the confusing corner of my misguided imagination.  

But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. Psalm 3: 3

And this is the good news!  Even in the midst of my darkness, when my mind wanders into places it need not to enter, the Rescuer of my soul comes in, shattering walls, planting His Shield around me, and tenderly lifting up my head.  

And, unlike my earthly father who is no longer around to offer me the comfort I so desperately need, Our Heavenly Father is Faithfully and Constantly here.  He will not leave us nor forsake us, and He will even fight our battles for us.  All we have to do is cry out to Him, and He will deliver us from our trouble.

I will always carry the memories of my Dad in my heart.  I pray that when I get to Heaven, I am able to express how much I love him and how much I missed him the years we were apart.  But I rest in the knowledge that I have a Father who is Good, Who Answers my prayers, and Who Makes my face radiant with His Light, even in the days when darkness seems to take over my life.

I will extol The Lord at all times;

His praise will always be on my lips! Psalm 34: 1