Holley Gerth's book, You're Loved no Matter What, states right at the beginning the profound truth that we do not need to be perfect to be loved. Considering that fact, I realize that the same is also true from a different perspective, which, by the way, I often forget: Others do not need to be perfect in order to be loved by me...
I spend so much of my time wondering how to be lovable, and almost NO time trying to figure out how to be loving.
Sigh...
If "love IS the answer," that means, it is the answer not just in an inward direction, but outward as well. What I mean is, I cannot be so preoccupied with fixing my own insecurities and making sure I understand I am loved without making sure I love others well, regardless of their imperfections. The same way God's love toward me is not performance-based; my love toward others cannot be performance-based either.
The problem is, that even though I say it is not, it sure seems as it is. I am so quick to react to the actions of others with harsh words and violent behavior, that it is very hard for them to feel loved after they have failed to perform to my standards. Yes, I'm talking about my kids...and my husband too, to tell you the truth...
Those whom I love the most have the hardest time perceiving the love I actually have for them. And that makes me really sad. The problem is that I have a hard time accepting the reality that the same way I am not perfect, others aren't either. No matter how much I love my sons and how perfect I believe they are, they are not! They are imperfect, messy sinners just like me. They need God's Mercy just like I do. They need Jesus' Saving Grace and Forgiveness just like I do. They are the "neighbors" that I am supposed to love just like I love myself.
The first step on this road to figuring out the way to love others well is to assimilate the fact that I cannot expect others to be perfect. I cannot expect perfection the same way I don't want others to expect perfection from me.
I pray the Holy Spirit guides me on this road. I pray that, as I discover that I am, indeed, loved no matter what, that I can, also, love others no matter what...no expectations, no perfection...just as they are. This doesn't mean that I will overlook their inappropriate actions and that I will quit trying to show them the way they should go, the narrow door, but that I will make sure they know I love them, despite their wrong choices and their mistakes, because my love for them is not based on their performance. My love is an extension of the love Jesus demonstrated for us on the cross...no strings attached.
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