Perfect...

In my quest to conquer, or at least, to not to allow my insecurities to ruin my life, I have been realizing that all of them are deeply rooted in a sense of unloveliness...I'm not sure if that is a real word, but, what I'm trying to say is that my insecurities, which turn me into a time-bomb/Mommy Hulk-anger-machine emerge from me thinking I am not worthy of being loved.

There!

All this inner-exploration of the dark corners of my heart/mind and soul has brought me to the place where I am now:  Love is the answer.

I came across another book by one of my favorite Christian writers, Holley Gerth, called You're Loved No Matter What and of course I had to buy it!  I began to read it, and it starts with this sentence:

"Here's the scandalous truth: we can be loved, accepted, happy, and less stressed without being perfect."

Hmmm...

We don't need to be perfect to be loved...WOW...I mean, it sounds simple and common sense...but hearing this thought bounce in my brain feels like a most profound revelation to me!  I never knew it, but now that I have taken some time to let this thought sink in, I realize that I have strived for perfection my whole life.  I never considered myself a perfectionist.  But I have always wanted to BE perfect.  I always wanted to be the perfect daughter, the one that never gave my parents any trouble (I secretly boast to myself about that all the time...). I've always wanted to be the perfect teacher.  I've always wanted to be the perfect writer.  I've always wanted to be the perfect Christian.  I've always wanted to be the perfect friend.  I've always wanted to be the perfect counselor.  I've always wanted to be the perfect wife.  I've always wanted to be the perfect Mother...and I'm exhausted and frustrated because I've never been able to be, nor will I ever be any of these.

Hence, my constant sense of inadequacy and unloveliness...or unlovability...see? I can't even come up with the perfect word to describe my imperfections!

Sigh...

The good news is, I don't have to be perfect to be loved. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3: 16

The condition is not "that whoever is perfect..."  The condition is "that whoever BELIEVES in HIM..."  The love of God pours over us since eternity.  It is not a love based on performance.  It's a love based on Grace:

  

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  Ephesians 2: 8-9

And NOBODY deserves it:  

As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one..." Romans 3: 10

Whatever perfection is in us stems from Him, who is the ONLY Perfect One:

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.  Philippians 4: 13

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.  Philippians 3: 12

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  Philippians 1: 6

I am not going to be able to free myself of my perceived unlovability/unloveliness, but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, one day I will assimilate the truth, and the Truth will make me free!  Until then, let us press on and see what this book has to say on the subject.  Shall we?