Back in January of this year, I heard about a neat and new alternative to the old “New Years Resolution” thing. This idea suggested selecting a word to live by during the whole year. The idea sounded very intriguing to me, so I thought about it for a few days. One word…a word that could become sort of like my theme word for the entire year…hmm. By the end of January I had it. My word would be “portion.” I mean portion as in, the Lord is my portion.
Psalm 142:5 says: “I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Psalm 119:57 also talks about it when it says: “You are my portion, O LORD; I have promised to obey your words.” Some Bible versions translate it as “inheritance.” However, I want to stick with portion as my word, for He sure is.
The Lord is the giver of all things. He certainly gives us what we need, when we need it and in the exact measure that we need it. How perfect He is! He knows us so well, so intimately, that He can cater specific details, made to order just for us individually. He knows that the best way to cheer me up when I’m down is to give me a bright sunny and warm day. He knows that days like that transport me back to my carefree childhood in the land of the eternal summer. Whatever it is, He gives it to me and to you in the correct portion that you and I need it.
He knows that some of His beloved are specially touched by rainy Saturday mornings because it brings them back to the time when, as children, they would curl up in bed with their Moms and a good book. He knows that you may perhaps enjoy a thunder storm because it reminds you of His might. He knows that you may love spring time because it shows how He makes everything new. He knows that you love fall because its melancholic beauty reminds you that nothing is forever. He knows that you may like nothing better than waking up to a winter-wonderland because it makes you feel like Christmas. He knows that you may be at your best when standing in front of the ocean because it makes you feel free. He knows that you may rather be in the mountains because nature declares His glory. He knows that you become alive when surrounded by little children because the
belongs to those who are like them. He knows that your heart pulls you to spend time with the elderly because you treasure wisdom. Kingdom of Heaven
The list goes on and on. It is endless. It doesn’t matter what it is, He knows it. He knows you. His hands formed you. (119: 73) He created your inmost being; He knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139: 13)
He also knows when you need to be called out on something. He knows when you need to be reminded that it is not about you. He knows when you need to be humbled, and even when you need to feel a little ashamed. That’s exactly what happened to me the other day.
It was a day I let the enemy get a hold of my most intense fears. It was a day that I let my mind play tricks on me and couldn’t stop myself from hysteria. It was a day when I forgot all about trusting Him. It was a day, when I later discovered, I needed to feel a little stupid. And stupid I felt!
That day, I was throwing a self-pity party, and of course I didn’t want to “celebrate” alone, so I wanted my husband to share in the “festivities.” In order to do so, I sent him an e-mail expressing my state of mind and venting, or rather, dumping all these baggage on him. As it happened, the e-mail didn’t send. It got lost in cyber-space, so with an added “portion” of anger, I re-typed it. When I was done spewing all my venom, I hit the “send” button again. To my delight, this time around, the message in question did go, only not to my husband!
Yes, the venting session ended up in the electronic pages of the Principal of my children’s school. Needless to say, when I saw the confirmation with her e-mail in there instead of my husband’s e-mail my heart sank. I immediately and, quite frantically proceeded to try to retrieve it to no avail. Then, I composed another one profusely apologizing for the previous one and how it wasn’t intended for her and that due to the very private matter of it, I would appreciate her deleting it (preferable before READING IT! – I didn’t say that, but really prayed hard about it).
At any rate, right after I sent it, I called my husband on the phone and as soon as I heard that he was able to talk, I broke down crying. I scared him half to death, until I finally was able to give him more details. He comforted me, like the sweet man he is. “You are only human,” he said. And very good at it, I thought. I had to go to class in like 2 minutes, so I did the best I could to compose myself after I hung up the phone. I went to my class feeling miserable, but in a strange way, better. I felt as if I had unloaded a very heavy burden off my shoulders.
As it happened, after I got done with class, I checked my e-mails and there was one from the School Principal. As the godly woman she is, of course she told me that as soon as she began reading the message, she realized it wasn’t intended for her and that she deleted it without reading further. She told me that she loves me and that whatever it was, I needed not to worry. I was safe and held in good regards. I felt so relieved. It was unbelievable. The sense of peace that came over me was indescribable. The funniest part is that I was even able to use the story in my class and it was a huge success! The ways of the Lord...
Later that day, as I was driving back home, I thought, “boy did I feel stupid today.” Then, as if on a cue, my word came to me. He is my portion. Indeed, He is! He gives me what I need. I guess I must’ve needed to feel a little stupid that day.