Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Proverbs 14: 29
I sure am displaying a lot of folly (lack of good sense) today…another sign of my Spiritual immaturity. As I grow more and more overwhelmed at work, I’m noticing that my already short-temper is becoming shorter. Take this morning, for example, I was making pancakes for the boys and Grant spontaneously and beautifully said to me: “Mom, you’re amazing!” And what did I do? I got mad at him for saying that and told him to stop saying it…
Yeah! That’s exactly what I did!
Then, I stormed out of the kitchen and went to lie down for a while. As I thought about the incident I began to feel worse and worse. It was becoming a vicious cycle in my mind as I was getting angrier and angrier at myself for my crazy reaction to my son’s expression of love. Then, I knew I needed some sugar…so I ate something, and things became clear: I suffer from a terrible case of insecurity.
My feelings of inadequacy have convinced me that I am a terrible mother and that anyone saying otherwise is just a liar. So I talked to Grant. I explained, as best as I could and tried to make light of the whole situation. But the thing is that I truly need to have a Holy Spirit intervention in my attitude. Instead of focusing on the things of this world I need to keep my eyes on the One who makes this world spin. Instead of listening to the enemy and beating myself up because of my flaws, I need to remember that Jesus paid it all and it is finished from His perspective. He rescued me! Even though I still have to deal with my many issues while I walk on this world, I am actually free from where Jesus stands right now. My future is in His past. He can see the entire span of my life from where He sits at the right hand side of the Father, and from there, I am redeemed.
Concentrating on the truth is the only thing that will keep me from going insane. Concentrating on love will help me get rid of my fears and insecurities. Love never fails!
After all the craziness of this morning, I think Grant is fine now since a minute ago he hugged me and said: “you’re amaz…” and then he stopped himself and smiling he whispered: “sorry, I forgot, I’m not allowed to call you that.”