Lord of Our Moments

 Life is not the straight, continuous line we often imagine. It is more segmented than that. Life, to me, is a collection of moments.  Some of them we choose.  Many are chosen for us. But the way we experience them is up to us.  Either consciously and intentionally or at times more unconsciously and not so strategically planned, the way we live out our moments is our decision.

I'm not the kind of person who can pause and think before acting or saying something.  Rude things and actions come out of my mouth and body at the slightest provocation.  I've gotten better when I'm in public among people who don't really know me much.  BUT, at home, for example, surrounded by the people I love the most...unfortunately, I am at my worst...

Many of my "moments" at home end up in a downward spiral of yelling and tearing that leave me feeling ashamed and mortified when it's all said and done...especially because I know...deeply in my heart, I do know that it was done by choice.  I'm not controlled by an evil spirit that manipulates me into being mean and nasty to my loved ones.  Consciously or unconsciously, it is me making those bad decisions what transforms moments to be cherished into nightmares to be forgotten.  Like yesterday, for example. Dylan got his driver's license...a moment that should be remembered with warm memories of pride and accomplishment.  Instead, it was a moment forever tainted by me due to my own selfishness.  I got mad at something stupid that hurt my pride and I turned a joyful moment into a prolonged and agonizing time of verbal confrontation that ruined everything.  I had a choice: to be selfish or to be selfless.  I chose the first one.  And, for what purpose?  What was the chief end of that choice?

sigh...

Instead of focusing on Dylan and on celebrating this milestone...I chose to focus on me and my ego.  I felt hurt so I chose to make others feel just as hurt or more...so I could feel better about my own hurt...

Did I accomplish my "mission"?

Well, yeah, I made my loved ones feel terrible. But...I felt worse.  Whatever sick joy I thought I'd get out of hurting others did not materialize...it never does...because that's not how it works.  Inflicting pain does not bring joy...it brings darkness.  It's in loving God and others where we find true joy.  Loving others to the point of self-sacrifice is the key to a fulfilled life...a life spent for others...so others can live.  We need not look further than the person of Jesus:

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15: 13

I know I would jump to fire for my loved ones...but it is in the everyday moments where I need to put my effort, because life is not made out of many, literal "jump-into-the-fire" scenarios, but it is full of tiny and seemingly insignificant "put-them-before-you" moments...and it is up to me to choose how I act and react when those itty-bitty bits come around.  

Thankfully, God knew what He was doing when He created our brains, and designed them in a way that it organizes life into moments...in many cases, pushing the bad ones behind, and bringing the good ones to the forefront.  He knew we couldn't handle it any other way.  I hope Dylan's mind selects yesterday's moment for the "forgotten" storage category in his brain and that he remembers getting his license as the fun day that it began to be.  I pray my loved ones choose to extend grace to me when I slip again...so our moments together can be God-honoring and filled with joy.  I pray we can make Jesus the Lord over all our moments.  In His Precious Name.  Amen!