Time Investment

 I've spent countless hours in the last week or so trying to put together a narrative that details all the work I've done over the past five years, and I tell you...I am spent!

This narrative is a required self-reflection I have to submit as part the evaluation that faculty members undergo every 5 years to make sure we are doing what we're supposed to be doing.  My almost 40 pages are full with all the courses I've taught, committees I've served in, initiatives I've started, service opportunities I've carried out, down to the time commitment invested in each.  I was going to detail the hours I've spent in each thing, but that seemed a bit too much.  I did add, however, a chart with a time-scale that indicates whether the activity required grand, large or moderate amount of time.  When I look at it, I can't believe the exorbitant amount of time I've spent at work...sigh...

How does my prayer life compare to my work life?

That is a question I do not want to address.  I'm too embarrassed and convicted when I think about it, especially now when I have something tangible to compare it to.  I'm sure if I were ever to write a self-reflection on my prayer life down to the time invested in it, the chart would not look so grand.

I praise the Lord for His patience and compassion with me. I tell you, if He had a temper like mine, He would have wiped me out a long time ago. But, because of His nature, He hasn't...for

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103: 8

We are the ones who lack commitment and faithfulness.  But He is Faithful for all of us.  It is always a good time for prayer. Every hour is a good hour to spend time with the Lord. If I make time for all the responsibilities I have at work, I can make time for the most important task in my life, being still before the Lord.

Praying that this season of Lent may be a time to recommit my hours and invest my time in what matters most.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!

Testimony in Action

 "No matter what she might say about me, people who know me would not believe I'd do those things she accused me of, right Mom?" Dylan said as he related some troubling statements someone who doesn't particularly like him, said about him recently.  My heart was breaking as I heard him telling me that, but I confirmed to him, "that's right, Dylan.  Whoever knows you, would never believe those things.  Reputation is very important and that's why we have to protect it.  If we have a pattern of good behavior, most likely people would have positive thoughts about us in their minds.  Of course, some people might try to hurt us now and then, by spreading lies about us...but that's when our good reputation helps us, like you said..."

I didn't know what else to tell my son...but he seemed reassured by the thought of his good reputation preceding him.  

Reading 1 Peter 2: 11-12 today made me think of this.  Peter reminded me that we don't really belong to this world.  We are just foreigners...passing through...not really acquainted with the ways or even the language of this world.  However, even if we don't speak the same language, our testimony in action must do the communicating for us.  

11 Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. 12 Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

Testimony in action is basically letting the fruits of the Spirit do the talking in our lives.  After all, it is by our fruits that we will be known, right? (Matthew 7: 16) Adopting the ways of the world just make us the same as everyone else.  There is no difference.  Nobody would know we carry the Holy Spirit in us if we live just like the rest who do not know God. There has to be something that makes us different.  Like foreigners are recognized by the way they talk and their practices, we Christians also need to let the fruits, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23) showcase our faith. 

I hope Dylan never has to taste the bitterness of slander in public.  I pray that Our Lord protects him, and I pray he would always be guided by the Light of God and able to let the Holy Spirit grow His fruits in him...and in all of us.  In the Precious Name of Christ.  Ament!

Just as We Are

 Dylan has a party this evening that has him feeling a bit nervous.  He is not sure what to expect at this party, so, he must have tried at least 5 different outfits before he settled for one.  "I decided I just wanted to be comfortable," he said to me when I gave him a look of surprise at his final choice.  "That's always a good way to choose what you want to wear," I said, as I walked away thinking about my own choices and my own reactions to unsettling events and circumstances.

Whenever I approach the unknown, I get anxious.  As an introvert, social anxiety is a reality I have to manage...and it becomes exhausting.  Thinking about going to places I'm not familiar with and meeting people outside my circle make me really anxious. Not unlike Dylan, I think about what to wear and what to say and not to say more intensely when it's an event that I've never been to. I actually try to get out of these unfamiliar/new "things" as often as I can...but eventually, there'd be a few I can't avoid.  So I totally understand Dylan and his 5 outfits. He is trying to grasp as much control as he can out of a situation in which he has very little under his control.  We think that presenting ourselves carefully put together will gain us social points that could hide other multitudes of flaws. 

Well...as we go through the first days of Lent this year, I'm thinking about how it is important that we prepare ourselves to celebrate Easter.  But, on the same token...do I have to be anxious? Is Easter like one of those events that make me nervous? Do I have to worry about the things I can and cannot control?  Do I have to wrap myself in fancy clothing, triple-rehearse my dialogues in front of a mirror, read articles and gather tips on how to start conversations with strangers so I'm not so mortified at the prospect? 

Scripture says: 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11: 28

I think Jesus is not expecting us to go through a makeover before we come to Him. I think He just wants us to come as we are...He will give us the makeover, Himself, for He is Who makes us new.  He didn't come for the perfect, He came for me and you.

I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. Luke 5: 32

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3: 23

Just as I am, and nothing more.  Like the old hymn says..."with many a conflict, many a doubt. Fighting and fears within and without..." no matter how I look, feel or think, just come when He calls and receive His "welcome, pardon, cleanse and relieve."  I hope Dylan is having a good time at his party tonight.  He'll be home soon.  I can't wait to hear his stories, hoping none of them include anything about his outfit or pre-party jitters.  I'm ready for him to tell me it went well, and that he was comfortable...just as he was.

Just as I am, without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bid'st me come to Thee
Oh, Lamb of God, I come, I come
Mm

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fighting and fears within without
Oh, Lamb of God, I come, I come
Ooh, just as I am, ooh, I come

Ooh, just as I am, oh Lamb of God, I come
Just as I am, Thou wilt receive
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve
Because Thy promise I believe

Oh, Lamb of God, I come, I come
Ooh, just as I am, ooh, I come
Ooh, just as I am, oh Lamb of God, I come
Oh lamb of God, I come

Lent Choices

 Lent, the period of preparation for Easter has started.  During Lent, many people choose to quit or forgo something. A lot of the choices involve avoiding certain foods.  In the Catholic tradition we have the generalized practice of not eating red meat on Fridays in Lent.  This is why the "Fish Fry" signs have gone up around every corner in towns all across America.  Others prefer to abstain from things like social media, using their phone in the evening, shopping for clothes, wearing high hills, you name it.  And also there are those who go the route of increasing their charitable giving and focusing on being more generous.

Lent has become the season to be creative with what you decide to do to commemorate the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross.  The experience usually is connected to giving something up or away...renouncing something...but why? I mean, it is not that we decide to stop eating chocolate and sweets because we need to lose weight.  That's not the spirit of the practice.  It involves a sacrifice, a giving up of something we are very fond of...and since most of us love food (me...more than many, probably), it feels fitting to abstain from certain choice foods as a symbol of the offering.  We also do this based on Jesus' 40-day period of fasting in the wilderness right before He began His earthly ministry.  We find these passages in 3 of the 4 gospels: Matthew 4: 1-11, Mark 1: 12-13 and Luke 4: 1-13.

This morning I heard a Priest give a very simple but I thought, profound recommendation regarding the emphasis on fasting during Lent. He said something like this (it was in Spanish, so I hope I am being an accurate translator here): "Fast or abstain from that which binds you, that which does not allow you to have your eyes fixed on eternity...that which distracts you and takes your eyes away from Jesus."  

I think those are very inspired words.  

I love chocolate and it would be a sacrifice not to eat it (especially with all the Easter candy out in the stores already)...but...I'm not sure if giving up chocolate will free me from the distractions and snares and ties that bind me to a world in which there is little room for all things spiritual... I'm not sure quitting candy for 40 days will help me turn my eyes towards My Lord and fix my sight on the face of Christ? I guess it would be a start. But I'm afraid I have to take more steps to accomplish something of more significance.

So, this afternoon, as I'm contemplating a long lists of work-related tasks and duties that I have to perform over the weekend...I think...I need to consider something that is more meaningful and valuable to me than desert. I'm going to take a look at how I spend my time. That is probably the most valuable thing I possess and it is in very short supply. What better than to give Him the best that I have to offer.  

May the Lord walk with us through the wilderness of this Lent so we can be attuned to who He is, what He has done, where He wants us to go and who He wants us to be so we can be ready for whatever ministry He may have waiting for us right ahead.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Ashes on My Forehead

 I don't remember when was the last time I had been to an Ash Wednesday service.  I'm so glad I did last night. I felt specially blessed by the fact that our Pastor actually put ashes on our forehead as a visible sign of our mortality and of our need to repent. Ashes also inevitably connected to what I addressed in my previous post regarding the tongue: fire.

Ashes are the remnant of fire.  Something had to burn so we can have ashes.  Our spiritual ancestors in the Jewish faith used "sackcloth and ashes" as an external representation of the suffering they felt inside, but also as a symbol of repentance and as a form of humility or humbling attitude.  These ideas directly connect with the day that marks the beginning of Lent: the period of preparation before Easter, when we practice the spiritual discipline of regret and remorse for our sins as we surrender to Christ and commemorate what He did for us through the Cross and Resurrection. It is only fitting, therefore, that ashes are integral to this day that kicks off Lent.  As we walk around with ashes painted on our forehead, we recognize our brokenness, and humbly, we repent.

But, what burns so we can have ashes?  Well, as our Pastor taught us last night, Numbers 19: 1-10 gives us a good origin story.  The ritual of the red heifer performed by the ancient Israelites, in which a young cow without blemish was burned as a sin offering and the ashes were kept so once they mixed with water, they would be used for cleansing and purification from sin relates perfectly to what we do on Ash Wednesday.  

I have to admit that the ceremonies of the law are way beyond my understanding.  I have a hard time finding the right association with the sacrifice system of the Jewish faith of old.  But I can totally see Jesus in the midst of this particular practice.  He is the unblemished Lamb who sacrificed Himself as the last and most perfect sin offering ever needed.  I see Him as the bearer of my sin.  I see His blood as the purifying agent of our souls. As see His Holy body broken up for us as our sustenance, our pride and our biggest shame...shame because it should have been me on the cross, but in His love, He took my place. And that is why I put ashes on my forehead...to remind me of my need to be conscious of what Jesus did, and as a sign of my commitment to repentance and surrender...and of my brokenness.

What do I burn so I can get ashes? I burn my pride. I burn my ego. I burn my lack of self-control that unleashes my tongue and lets it spread the fire of evil. I burn my sin. And I let the All-Consuming Fire of God restore me from ashes to beauty (Isaiah 61: 3). May Our Lord Jesus take us by the hand so out of the ashes we can rise.  In His Precious Name.  Amen!

Fighting Fire with Fire

 "I can NOT believe I just said that!"

The phrase above is one of those things I find myself screaming at...myself...on ... an unfortunately, very regular basis.  Those words or a version of them (by now it is mostly an inaudible grunt and a major eye-roll) usually plague my mind at least once a day on average.  Though, to tell you the truth, that's an improvement.  In my younger days, I didn't even have what it took to realize that what I had said aloud was uncalled for.  

Sigh...

The past couple of days, since Sunday School, really, I've kept running into chapter 3: 1-12 of the Book of James...and it doesn't matter how many times I read it...this portion of Scripture continues to greatly challenge me to my very core.

There are all kinds of analogies in this chapter that equal the tongue to many different things: a small rudder, the bit into the mouth of a horse, deadly poison...the one that makes me shudder, though is the comparison to fire.  

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3: 6

Yep...this is one sobering metaphor.  The context in which the word fire is used here is not positive and uplifting.  And the heat is turned up with each mention of it. First, it describes what the tongue is...a fire...and in case we might have misunderstood such a comparison with something good, James quickly sets the record straight explaining further that nope...fire is bad.  It is meant to represent a "world of evil." Then, fire tells us what the tongue does: it corrupts the whole body. It destroys.  It is not the redemptive fire of God, for "Our God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12: 29).  Not here.  James makes sure we don't mistaken the meaning of fire on this passage.  Any illusion of a road toward redemption is destroyed by the evil fire of corruption that the tongue can ignite.  And we know this because James also tells us who is responsible for lighting the fire of the tongue: hell itself.

The fire that we spread with our unruly tongue comes from the fire of hell.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up in fear as I contemplate this passage.  I can't be so casual about my inability to control my tongue.  But, who can control such a disruptive and rebellious component of who we are? Who is the one who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check? (James 3: 2).  Who can achieve this level, when it is clear that "we all stumble in many ways."?  

Of course, the Only Perfect One: Jesus Our Lord.

Only by the Power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in me I will be able to strive towards a semblance of control of that little tool, and turn it into an instrument of good rather than evil.  When left to function by my own strength and devices, I will fail over and over again.  Until I surrender this little wild part of my body to the consuming and cleansing and purifying fire of God and allow the fiery tongues of the Holy Spirit to transform my evil tongue for His purpose, will and kingdom...I will be spreading the fire of hell rather than the fire of Heaven on this earth. 

The Word of the Lord is fire, says Jeremiah 23: 29 and His Fire consumes all others.  Jesus brings in His fire to the world...may it be kindled soon! (Luke 12: 49) Until then, may it be as it is done in the wild-fire zones, where fire is often used to fight and extinguish fires, so the controlled burn of the fire of the Holy Spirit would create a barrier to the oncoming forest fire of our tongues and use up all the fuel until the only remaining spark is His Own.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, The Only One Who Can Cast God's Holy Fire.  Amen!

    

Revival Starts with Me

 At every game, every time Dylan gets to play, he looks at Dan and I from the basketball court seeking validation or approval, but mostly guidance.  He knows that Dan will always have some kind of advice for him in the form of a signal (well, sometimes it is a shout...but mostly just a silent gesture) that means something to Dylan...like directions or instructions on what to do next.  Of course Dylan gets these signals from Dan...me, on the other hand...I have very little to offer to him other than my support.  It's funny because like about a month ago, Dan told Dylan that he might have to skip a game that week.  Dylan was like..."what? NO! You have to be there! If not, who's going to tell me what to do? I'd look toward where you sit and it'll be only Mom giving me a thumbs up!" or a grumpy face... LOL...

The same way, as children of God, we look to Our Heavenly Father for guidance, especially when the path is not clear, the choices are confusing, the problems are too big and the light is too dim.  We look at Him for a signal, for advice, for enlightenment, for a clearing of the road.  And He, in turn, gives us that signal in ways that we can understand.  He doesn't shout.  He doesn't yell.  He doesn't even force us to do it.  He doesn't "miss any games" either.  He just lays it all out for us in a variety of ways, mainly through Scripture.  It is just like Psalm 119: 105 says,

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

How many times, however, we don't follow His direction? How many times, however, we miss His instructions because we don't spend time reading and learning His Word? How many times, however, we are looking at the wrong thing (or person) for directives?

After completing the construction of the temple as God had ordained it, King Solomon heard directly from God and His Word spells out a set of perfectly clear instructions recorded on 2 Chronicles 7: 14,

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

These instructions or steps were not just for King Solomon and the people of ancient Israel.  They are for us too, here, today.  But, what are we doing about it? What am I doing about it?

Students at Asbury College in Kentucky had non-stop prayer and worship services from February 8th to February 20th which has been called a revival.  Other colleges in other areas started their own non-stop prayer services too, and I pray with all my might for these events to spread like wild fire as the youth is showing us a great example of what it is like to look at Our Heavenly Father for guidance in humility, praying, seeking His face and repenting from our wicked ways. In a society and at a point in time when we complain about the youth (maybe you don't, but I do every day), it is truly humbling to see how they are the only ones bold enough to bring some semblance of revival to our country.  It is members of the youth the ones taking the initiative to follow God's directives.  

Me, on the other hand...what have I done like that? What revival efforts have I started? What non-stop prayer and worship service have I attended let alone initiated? I haven't done a thing other than complain about the state of depravity of the world. Perhaps, it is time to commit to the words of 2 Chronicles 7: 14 and stop the idle criticizing.  It's time for me to begin to be bold.  Revival starts with me.  May the Holy Spirit empower all of us to follow the steps in front of us so The Lord will hear, forgive and heal our land.  In the Precious Name of Jesus the Christ.  Amen!

Random Thoughts

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 

2 Chronicles 7: 14

As we prepare to wrap up basketball season I look back and see how some of my most treasured memories are those of Dylan looking at us from the court whenever he had an eventful moment.  Whether it was a successful play or a mishap, he'd shoot a glance at us in search of some kind of signal that would indicate something: approval, pride, validation, sympathy, support...anything...anything that would show him we were keeping our eyes on him.

One of the privileges of being a parent is realizing that we are our children's main source of approval and support.  This realization also comes accompanied by the fact that as such, our responsibility is great, indeed.  We are basically, single-handedly responsible for the emotional stability of our kids. We can truly make them or break them, as they say...and that is a very scary thought.

At any rate, all this melancholic reminiscing of a busy basketball season coming to an end is stirring a mix of feelings and thoughts within my heart and mind that I need to unpack.  For example, I've been thinking a lot about the amazing events at some Christian college campuses in a few states where worship and praise have been happening non-stop for the last week or so, while at the same time, pondering the tragic problems plaguing our youth in this country and the world.  I've been thinking about the challenges of taming my tongue.  I've been thinking about a call to being more humble.  I've been thinking about the need to serve more...I've been thinking about the pain and suffering all around me...and about how little I can do to stop it.  

...sigh...

King Solomon had just finished building the Temple and dedicating it, when The Lord Almighty spoke to him.  As the Great Heavenly Father that He is, God said statements of divine wisdom that are applicable all the way down to us today.  His words are a treasure to a world that is in chaos and to a society that is up-side-down.  2 Chronicles 7: 14 is God's direct address to us through Solomon to remind us that even though the world will go through turmoil, there is always powerful steps we can take to help rectify missteps and recalibrate misdirection.  

The steps are:

1. humble ourselves

2. pray and seek His face

3. turn from our wicked ways.

These actions will activate His responses:

1. hear from Heaven

2. forgive our sins

3. heal our land.

O how wonderful and precious is His Name! How clear are His instructions!  If we would only have the willing heart to follow through...

There is so much circling in my mind right now, that I need a chance to process.  So, I am hoping to blog about these thoughts in the coming weeks.  I hope you'd stick around to help me untangle the convoluted railways of my train of thought.  In the meantime, let's remain humble, pray, seek His face and turn from sin.  In the precious Name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.  Amen!