Discipline Your Thoughts!

Today in my devotional greeted me with this:

“Discipline your thoughts to trust Me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything, then leave outcomes up to me. Do not fear My will, for through it I accomplish what is best for you.”

These words could not have been more appropriate for me at this time. The whole thing about disciplining my thoughts has always been a huge struggle for me. I try to control them but they seem to always break free from my feeble attempts at reining them in. My thoughts take over and my heart begins to tremble with visions of worse-case-scenarios and nightmarish situations that entrap me into a pit of fear and hopelessness.

I know…over-dramatic…but it sure feels this way when I´m under the influence of my out-of-control mind and negativism.

Sigh…

I pray the Holy Spirit teaches me how to discipline my thoughts and re-direct my eyesight to the One I can Trust. I pray that the Holy Spirit would open my eyes to the truth of God´s perfect plan for my life and how I must not fear it. I pray I may soon accept the fact that the outcome is in God´s hands, therefore, I should just sit back and relax as I pray and let go.

Yesterday, Dan and I were discussing his performance in a very important phone call he had just finished, and very uncharacteristically I said: “well, if it is God´s will, we know it´s going to happen no matter what.” And he replied: “Thankfully! What a relief to know that we can´t mess it up, huh?!” As I thought more about Dan´s reply, I knew there was a message in there from God to me. He seemed to tell me…once again: “Remember that, child…the outcome is out of your hands, so don´t worry!!! In the meantime, concentrate on my words: Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3: 2)”

The good news is that even when things seem scary, out of control, insane or just plain confusing, we know who wins in the end. We know how the story ends. It doesn´t end with the things of this world going right or wrong. Life is much bigger than the tribulations of this realm…it extends beyond our physical surroundings into a place with no more tears, no more suffering and no more fear. Jesus is Victorious and so are we!

So let´s discipline them thoughts and waste not another minute paralyzed by fright. Let us enjoy the freedom that Christ brought to us through His death and resurrection and keep our eyes fixed on Him. Let´s trust that His designs for us will all fall into place as He walks with us to the place where we will finally see Him face to face.

All that My Heart Desires...

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalm 37: 4

This verse was in my devotional reading this morning and the meditation on it pointed out that the Lord does give us the desires of our hearts, because He IS our greatest desire. We might not even realize it, but He is what we really need and want. Therefore, when we seek Him with all our hearts, minds and souls, He reveals Himself to us…and it is precisely in that revelation where we find the fulfillment of all our desires.

Nothing else in this world, not our family, not our loved ones, not our material possessions, not our jobs, not even our dream-beach-vacations (well, this is me personally talking here) will ever be able to meet the deepest longings that dwell in our hearts. I know this is true for me. My heart is always restless and my mind is always drifting away toward something elusive that I don’t have. The thing is that I don’t even know what “it” is that I don’t have and I need. It is just a constant void…an unfillable hole that can never be completely sealed no matter how much I throw in there to try to fill it up. Actually, the more I throw in there, the bigger the hole gets. The more I have, the more I accumulate, the more dissatisfied I feel.

Hmmm…

Could it be, perhaps, that I am trying to fill this void with a whole lot of the exact wrong things?

Well, of course!

Creation is wonderful, but nothing created could ever do the job because the job can only be accomplished by the Creator! We get glimpses of this reality once in a while, don’t we? It might be different for every person, but we all have moments, precious moments when we experience the presence of God in a vivid, intense, evident and almost tangible way. And those moments are indescribable. The joy felt at those times of real intimacy with our Lord truly prove that we need nothing else when we have Him.

For me, those moments of clear awareness of God usually happen during worship. God uses the right hymn, the right praise song at the right time to speak to me…to reveal Himself to me in the most profound of ways. The experience is fleeting, though…that’s why it is so precious, because of its brevity and sparsity.

Sigh…

But it is enough to remind me that there will be a day when I will be in the presence of Our Lord and nothing else would matter because He is all that my heart desires.

Good Bye TV

Well, after years of casually talking about it, only to always tabling the idea or flatly rejecting it, we got rid of television in our home. I can’t say that it was some higher ideal or noble cause what pushed us to make the dreaded move, though…it was a financial decision. We just couldn’t justify spending about $100.00 a month on a rather wasteful activity.

But as the kids and Dan were outside and I was left in the kitchen alone, I have to admit that it felt weird. First, I wasn’t sure what it was that made it weird…then, I realized it: it was the silence. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve experienced it, and it was just plain strange.

I have to say that even though it was mostly I who always brought up the subject of getting rid of cable/dish or whatever TV we’ve had, now that it has actually happened…I feel a little…lonely. It’s surprising how much company I got from my TV friends. I always had the TV on downstairs. Especially while in the kitchen…which is most of the day, I usually had the TV on to get my mind off the domestic chores I’m not so fond of. HGTV and Hallmark were my trademark channels in this house.

I’m embarrassed to say that I have discovered I was the person who watched the most amount of TV in our household. And I’m the person who misses it the most as well. The kids seem completely fine. Grant already didn’t watch much TV at all. Dylan watches mostly things in Netflix and so does Dan. I can’t believe I was probably the biggest consumer of TV in my little family. I don’t know how many times I caught myself thinking I was going to turn it on while I was cooking, only to remember I can’t. I’ve figured in the short 3 days we’ve lived without it, that I mostly watched TV as a noisy distraction. Now, I guess I have also discovered I don’t like the quiet too much. It makes me feel self-conscious: me and my thoughts…yikes! Scary stuff…

But guess what? God reminds me that:

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55: 9

Therefore, it is time for me to surrender my thought life to the Lord and seek venues to explore intimacy with Christ that is not interrupted by a mindless distraction…so, why not use those tedious chores I dislike so much to, instead of disconnecting, rather take advantage of the silence to plug back into my source of power, the presence of God in my life.

Maybe I will also finally discover that stillness is truly a gift and that my thoughts don’t need to be as scary as they’ve been so far if I become intentional about re-directing them to the higher thoughts of My Lord. Maybe now I can finally begin to redeem the use of my time.

The Folly of Insecurity

Whoever is patient has great understanding,

but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Proverbs 14: 29

I sure am displaying a lot of folly (lack of good sense) today…another sign of my Spiritual immaturity. As I grow more and more overwhelmed at work, I’m noticing that my already short-temper is becoming shorter. Take this morning, for example, I was making pancakes for the boys and Grant spontaneously and beautifully said to me: “Mom, you’re amazing!” And what did I do? I got mad at him for saying that and told him to stop saying it…


Huh?


Yeah! That’s exactly what I did!


Then, I stormed out of the kitchen and went to lie down for a while. As I thought about the incident I began to feel worse and worse. It was becoming a vicious cycle in my mind as I was getting angrier and angrier at myself for my crazy reaction to my son’s expression of love. Then, I knew I needed some sugar…so I ate something, and things became clear: I suffer from a terrible case of insecurity.

My feelings of inadequacy have convinced me that I am a terrible mother and that anyone saying otherwise is just a liar. So I talked to Grant. I explained, as best as I could and tried to make light of the whole situation. But the thing is that I truly need to have a Holy Spirit intervention in my attitude. Instead of focusing on the things of this world I need to keep my eyes on the One who makes this world spin. Instead of listening to the enemy and beating myself up because of my flaws, I need to remember that Jesus paid it all and it is finished from His perspective. He rescued me! Even though I still have to deal with my many issues while I walk on this world, I am actually free from where Jesus stands right now. My future is in His past. He can see the entire span of my life from where He sits at the right hand side of the Father, and from there, I am redeemed.

Concentrating on the truth is the only thing that will keep me from going insane. Concentrating on love will help me get rid of my fears and insecurities. Love never fails!

After all the craziness of this morning, I think Grant is fine now since a minute ago he hugged me and said: “you’re amaz…” and then he stopped himself and smiling he whispered: “sorry, I forgot, I’m not allowed to call you that.”

God's Grammar

As a Spanish teacher, I spend a significant amount of my work days thinking or dealing with grammar issues. In the particular curriculum I have to follow, students spend their very first semester of beginner Spanish in the present tense. They talk about their daily routines, their habitual activities, what they are doing, their likes and dislikes. For an entire 15 week period, students´ only concern in class is literally the here and now. I have to say that students do get a good feel for the present tense. And normally, that’s the tense they feel most comfortable with and remember the best after they have studied for a while. It’s their safe place and they never want to leave it.

It´s funny to see their reaction when they go to their second semester and have to start dealing with past tense. They go through different stages in this learning process.

First, they react in in disbelief: “What do you mean I have to use different forms of the same verb to talk about what I did last night?”

Second, they become really confused: “What is this? What??? How am I supposed to know how to say ‘I ate’ in Spanish?

Third, they want to give up in frustration: “This is impossible! Who can ever learn this stuff” (only they often insert expletives to make their language more colorful).

Fourth, they begin to accept it is a different language: “Ok…how does this work again?”

Fifth, they start using the new forms in a coherent way: “I get it. If I want to say ‘I ate a pizza last night’ I have to say ‘comí una pizza anoche’…”

The thing is that just when they think they’ve got it…I have to introduce other forms of speaking in the past, plus the future tense and a bunch of other tenses that completely throw them into a tail spin. After they are done with the third semester of beginner Spanish, they want to run so far away from the language that I never get to see them again until years later I see them at their jobs and then, they tell me how they wished they had stuck with Spanish because it would have really helped them in life…but that’s another subject…

All the stages, however, are necessary in order for them to really learn. If they don’t wrestle and reject in their confusion and frustration they never truly understand that it takes a change in their mind-set or perspective to acquire a different language.

Today, I was thinking about this process as I consider my relationship with Christ, particularly the issue of how God’s timing is not my timing neither His ways are my ways. What I realize is that God also has a different grammar. God is trying to teach me how living life from the perspective of a follower of Christ is not a static process that most certainly requires a change in of mid-set. As we mature and walk longer with Jesus in this valley of shadows and pain, we go through the different stages of learning. We think that life with Christ is going really well and feel really comfortable, then something happens that throw us off balance and we can’t believe it! “Why is this happening to me?” Then, we go through confusion: “How do I go on now?” Of course we often just want to give up: “There is NO way I can do this!” After much wrestling, we begin to accept that it is what it is: “God, you are in control. I surrender to the wisdom of Your designs.” Finally, hopefully, one day we retake the path alongside Christ stronger and more confident of His presence and guidance through the rough patches.

Another thing I realized was that there is something very different between my students and I…something I need to emulate: the fact that they understand that the present tense is a safe place and that if it were up to them, they’d never leave it. Unlike what I do in the classroom trying to help students move through all tenses to master them, God’s grammar encourages us to stay in the present tense.

He doesn’t want us to live in the past:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43: 18-19

He also warns us about not developing an obsession with the future:

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." --Proverbs 16:9

Therefore,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 4:6-7

The past is fixed and we can’t change it, but neither should we let it enslave us. The future is unknown, sometimes exciting but often just plain scary…so we should just trust. That’s why the best place for us to be is in today, with our eyes fixed on Christ not on the future or the past. Though He is not bound by the constraints of time He meets us in the present tense. He is the Great I AM…present…here and now…and that’s precisely where we need to stay.

Next time I witness my students’ reluctance to move onto other tenses outside the present, I will think of this reflection and hopefully use it as a reminder of where my focus needs to be.

God Sighting

VBS has just concluded and I have to say, I think participation in this activity at our home church was truly a blessing for our family… and even though I was not involved with the event because of work…it has been a great blessing to me as well.

From Dan being able to volunteer as a station facilitator, and Grant having his first experience as a crew leader to Dylan opening his eyes to the reality of Christ in his life for, perhaps, the first time in his short 10 ½ years in this world…God was certainly on the move this past week in our lives in a palpable way. 

One of my favorite things about VBS is that the program encourages kids to pay attention and be on the lookout for what they call, "God Sightings."  These are basically moments when you stop and perceive God's presence and hand on the situation because otherwise what happened, the outcome, could not be possible in human terms. I heard quite a few of those illustrations as the kids recounted the program leaders' own, sometimes super funny and special "God Sighting" adventures.  Everyday I carved out a few minutes to listen to them re-telling the stories to me.

My favorite story is, however, the day Dylan came home super excited about one of the little papers they got. Each day they’d receive a really cute “Deep Bible Quest” card labeled “top secret” and “do not open until home.” I can’t remember what day it was, I think it was Wednesday, but as soon as Dylan entered the house he was just so talkative I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying. As he was frantically looking for something or other in the junk drawer, he kept going on and on about something at VBS while carrying in his free hand the “Deep Bible Quest” card he’s just got. Finally, he carefully opened the card and read aloud:

“For God loved Dylan so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that if Dylan believes in him, Dylan will not perish but have eternal life.”

That’s when I realized that what he had been trying to articulate and relate to me in his very particular “Dylan style” was the fact that he, for the very first time, had internalized the fact that God loves him intensely…He had had his very own "God Sighting" and so have I.  

I had been so busy this past week that it did not click at that moment, but this early morning, in the quiet of my house, as I type these precious words from John 3: 16 from the “Deep Bible Quest” with my beloved son’s name inserted in there I realize God did answer my prayer…in the busyness of my days, I had managed to pray for God to give my boys a personal encounter with Him at VBS…in my limited experience I have noticed that teens and adults of the male persuasion are not in the habit of talking much about their feelings and emotions…but praise God that Dylan still eagerly desires to share his most intimate thoughts with me so through his words I can witness God’s faithfulness to me even in the midst of my own unfaithfulness and spiritual immaturity.

At this time when I need to be most vigilant about my job and the functions I need to perform there in order to keep it, there is no reason I can’t do that without also keeping my eyes firmly fixed on Christ and on the people around me. He is the only one who can protect me from the defeating sensation that feeling overwhelmed can bring to my soul. After all, I need to remember that the day I breathe my last on this earth the only thing that will matter is what I did with Jesus and with the people he placed in my life while still breathing…may I not let the concerns of this world overpower or overshadow this truth…and the truth of God’s love for me/us…for He loved me/you Gisela so much that He sent Jesus to die for me/you Gisela so that if I/you Gisela believe in Him, we will not perish but have eternal life.

It´s Out of My Hands

When thinking about concepts that do not contribute much to the wellbeing of the soul, I bet negativism and pessimism are pretty high ranked. As it is the case with many other dark tendencies and attitudes, I struggle with these conditions. In my daily walk I lean toward worse-case-scenarios when considering the outcome of a given situation. The way I see it, I don´t want to be disappointed so I adhere to the motto: expect nothing good, so when it isn´t as bad as you predicted it, you are pleasantly surprised!

Well, keeping that attitude becomes a burden that gets heavier and heavier as you continue marching along the road of life. At this point, I´m pretty crushed with it and I need to shake it off. I need my shoulders to be free from the yoke of a bad attitude and my soul to be cleansed from negativism and pessimism.

Accomplishing that means, once again, that I have to address my trust issues. I find it hard to be optimistic and hopeful about the things to come because, deeply in my heart I still believe I have to make things happen. I still believe that it is up to me to make it (whatever “it” is) work. And since I have this idea that I am responsible for the outcome of my situations, and I know VERY well I am not qualified to successfully deliver a good outcome…I dismay… I dismay because I keep forgetting that the outcome is actually out of my hands.

When confronted with a hardship, trial, fire, mountain, etc., I need to remember my limitations. I need to remember I can only take one step at a time…one day at a time…one thing at a time…one breath at a time. I do what I´m supposed to do at this very present moment and let go. One of the greatest examples of this process is parenting. For a little while, you get this precious child in your arms. For a little while you are in charge of their every move and take care of their every need. You teach and you try to mold. You love and discipline and love again, all in the hope that someday, when they are ready to leave your side, they know what to do on their own…

When the moment comes, however, we don´t want to let go. We don´t trust them to be able to figure it out without our guidance. We don´t trust God will be there with them. We don´t trust the Holy Spirit will speak and reveal Himself to them in a way that they will hear Him. We continue to think that we are responsible. We continue to think it´s up to us for their lives to turn out alright…but it´s not.

Our job is to be the best parents we could possibly be with the limitations of our all our flaws…after that…it is out of our hands. We doubt our parenting skills. We feel inadequate. Therefore, we are very pessimistic and negative about how our children will turn out to be. It´s hard for us to have hope when the outcome is based on our ability to perform perfectly. That´s why we sink in darkness…because we forget it is God who is ultimately responsible for the fulfilment of His plan and for the deliverance of His children…

Today, I pray the Lord will change my attitude, renew my hope and push pessimism and negativism out of their high ranks into the pit of fire so they disappear from my life once and for all…Today, I pray that the Lord will refresh my soul and fill it up with the living essence of hope, the true Hope we find only in Christ.  Once again I say: I chose to trust!