Random and not so random fears

Both of my sons are afraid of random things.  Grant, my older one, even though he would never admit it, is afraid of closed shower curtains.  Every time he walks out of the bathroom, the shower curtain is open.  I would close it, and later in the day, I will find it open again.  I don’t mention it, but I know it is him.  I don’t know why; but it makes him nervous.    

Dylan doesn’t like to see my closet doors open.  He is not ashamed of admitting it, though.  He unabashedly says, “I don’t like your closet doors open.  They’re big fat scary.”  Who knows why these things scare them.  Nobody knows how such fears began.  They can’t explain it.  It’s like when Grant used to be afraid of buttons.  From age 2 until not that long ago, he would not be caught dead in a shirt with buttons.  The sentiment was so rash, that sometimes he wouldn’t even want to see me or anybody else wearing shirts with buttons.  It was crazy and irrational, but it was real.  I would try to convince him that buttons were cool.  But he wouldn’t budge.  I would try to make him tell me what he had against buttons.  But he couldn’t put it into words. 

Tonight, I contemplate my own fears.  I don’t like to think about them.  They are “big fat scary” ones.  Some of them scream irrationality, like my fear of having the emergency break in my car accidentally pull up all by itself in the middle of me driving, bringing the car to a sudden and dramatic stop.  Does that make any sense?  (Please don’t answer)

Others are based on lack of confidence, like my fear of not being able to do a good job at work, home, church, or anywhere because I stink at everything.  I also fear that I will let down and/or hurt those I love the most because I am unreliable, selfish and self-centered.  I fear I’d make the wrong decisions because I am impulsive, impatient and arrogant.  I fear I will miss the joy of life because I tend to always be dissatisfied.  The list goes on and on.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  I feel like I’m drowning hopelessly in an ocean of fear.  And I am tired of it. 

The origin of fear is lack of trust and faith in the delivering power of our God.  I know it in my head, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, like I read in Deuteronomy 31:6; but I still doubt it in my heart.  I still don’t take God at His word 100%.  My faith is still lacking.

However, it doesn’t have to continue to be this way.  I pray without ceasing that He will increase my faith.  And I know that one way to start trusting Him for real is by remembering His promises.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal His Truth to me through His Word so that I will really and truly believe it in my heart.  And I know that in the meantime, every time I feel the cloud of fear hanging over me, wanting to cover me like a lead blanket, I can open up my Bible or even better, I can recite His Words by memory and aloud. 

The enemy, who brings in the dark clouds, wants to distance us from our Lord, Jesus.   He would hate nothing worst than to cause us to invoke Christ’s name and proclaim His Word every time he tempts us with our fears.  It would probably be a good antidote to his schemes if every time we feel fear taking over, we would rebuke it by reciting Scripture aloud.  The enemy would not like that one bit, and who knows?  One day we may find out that buttons are cool.  We may realize that there isn’t anything big, fat or scary in Mama’s closet,- besides Mommy’s pants, of course.-  We might even understand that a wet-open shower curtain creates mildew; therefore, it is better to close it for it to dry out completely!  And the enemy might even leave us alone…

Here are some to start:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." (Luke 2:10)

So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can Man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

The Word is Near...

"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons."  1 Timothy 4:1

Keep the Word near so we may know it and obey it.  May it be a lamp for our feet, and a light on our path.  (Psalm 119:105)  Please help us to keep in mind that our struggles are not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  (Ephesians 6:12)  Develop in us keen awareness and high levels of discernment, Lord Jesus, so we will recognize quickly and without hesitation the most finely crafted lies. 

I just want to be inspired...

I remember watching the movie Jerry McGuire years ago and being somewhat touched by the line, “I just want to be inspired,” which the lead female character told Jerry in response to a “mission statement” that he had put together in a moment of self-awareness, the night before.  

Today, many years later, I have appropriated that line.  I just want to be inspired.  I don’t want to live my life aimlessly wandering without purpose.  I don’t want to just navigate my days among piles of laundry, unread/unopened mail, scattered shoes, broken toys, sticky notes and relentless dust.  I don’t want to just go through the motions of preparing meals, packing lunches, getting kids ready to go to school, surviving work, and family life.  God is an all consuming fire, whose love is like a hurricane.  He is an untamed lion, The Lion of Judah, and as such He dwells in us.  He consumes us and moves us, and awakens us.  He even shakes us up once in a while, to get us out of the rut.

He is certainly moving in my soul right now.  I just wish I could understand the way that He wants me to go.  Since I know my ways are not His ways, I pray He’ll show it to me.  I pray He’ll inspire me. 

I want Him to touch me and to let me see the beauty of His presence with the eyes of my soul.  Like the air, I want to feel Him near me, embracing me, surrounding me, holding me, and building me up so I can be re-energized to fulfill His will for me on this earth.  I want to meet my destiny as I walk toward Him.

I am willing to go, as long as He comes with me.  Lead the way, and I will follow.  I just want to be inspired. 

In this world of chaos, and darkness; I want Him to be the Light into my path and my feet. 

Please, don’t let me trip.  Clear the path and hold my hand.  Give me strength.  Give me truth.  Give me wisdom.  Give me You. 

Inspire me.

This song is a great proclamation of Jesus THE WAY! by Jeremy Camp.  Listen to it if you have a minute,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q6o4sbndVE&ob=av2n

God is very special

“…I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1b

I had just finished yelling at my two boys about not having said grace before starting to eat their dinners, when Daddy came home from work.  Since he did hear some of the rigmarole (one of my Mother in Law’s favorite expressions, which I am still not sure what it means, but I’ll use it here anyway, since it sounds like it’d fit…) he asked Dylan if he knew who he was praying to when saying grace, just to make sure…because with Dylan, we never know.  To Daddy’s question, Dylan quickly replied, “to God.”  As we both nodded and smiled, we heard him add:  “Daddy, you know?  In the Bible, God is very special.”  I heard Dan agreeing with Dylan and telling him that God thinks he was special too because He made him and loves him.  To this, Dylan muttered something about Jesus that nobody could understand, and got back to his dinner. 

At the kitchen sink, I looked back at my little boy and thought to myself, “you sure are special, alright…”  Later, as I was remembering Dylan’s words, I thought of what Beth Moore talked about at the simulcast a couple of weeks ago.  She said that “God never overlooks one single ‘me’ in the bigger ‘we’.”  The Most High God, The Creator of the heavens and the earth, and of the universe, and of everything else, cares so much about each of His children regardless of his condition, not overlook any single one of them in an ocean of souls.  The thought took my breath away.  He cares about little Dylan, and Grant, and Dan…and me too.  What makes us so special that He knows our names and calls us His own?  What makes me so special?

The truth is that I formulated the question backwards.  It is not I who is special.  It is so clear in the Bible that even a five year old can see it, feel it, understand it and articulate it.  It is Him.  It is God who is special.  He is The Righteous One, and because we are not, He became flesh in the person of Jesus Christ to die for us and thus allow us to be righteous in Him.  He took our sin and gave us His righteousness; so we would be special because He is special.  And once we belong to Him, He doesn’t overlook us as individuals.  He is the God Who Sees, and He does see each and every one of His children. 

I pray that as we continue to read His Word, we would truly see how “special” He really is, as well as how special we are in Him.

Fill it up God!

One of the many joys of small-town-country living in Western Pennsylvania is that with fall it comes a season of  melancholic beauty, colorful leaves (which could also be a curse…depending on who you ask : ) and my favorite, a myriad of festivals all around, almost every weekend from September to Thanksgiving.  As it happened, we just had our township festival a few days ago.  Of course, there was a parade, which we had the blessing to have pass by right in front of our house.  At around 10:00 a.m. on Saturday, we armed ourselves with sweatshirts and baseball hats to cover up our pjs. and our morning hair, and down the driveway we went.  Grandma stopped by and encouraged the kids to get bags to collect the bounty of candy that was about to start pouring out the windows of the various vehicles in the parade.  My little Dylan grabbed his bag, opened it wide in his outstretched arms, took a deep breath, closed his eyes, looked upwards and said:  “fill it up God!”

There were basically two ways to react to this.  One way was to look at him, laugh, and think to yourself, “what a big bum,” which was exactly what I did.  The other way was to see it from a whole other perspective, and exclaim with a sigh, “o the faith of a child.” 

I have to admit that it has taken me till now to see it the second way.  I think it is, perhaps, because my faith is certainly not like that of a 5 year old.  I have become cynical and too dependent on my own means for provision.  I worry too much about tomorrow and I keep my “bag” tightly closed so nothing can get out of it.  But then, I started thinking about what I heard a while back on the radio… “what if we live our lives with open hands, that way, God can take away whatever He wants to take away, but He would also put in there more than we can ever imagine.”  What if I were to leave my “bag” wide open for Him to take away the heavy burdens that weigh me down, and replace them with His immeasurable treasures, which I would otherwise miss, if I were to keep it vacuum-sealed?  Maybe this is something I need to put into practice more intentionally.  Maybe that’s the secret to a more content life.  Maybe this is something to think about…

In the end, you can guess, Dylan’s bag did get filled up with goodies, which now I have to ration and hide.  But I am grateful that I have been able to understand the reminder of the joy of the Lord’s faithfulness and generous provision, which brings smiles to my face like sweet treats in a crisp fall small-town day.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked I will depart

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised.”

                                                      Job 1:20-21

Am I someone worth dying for?

Once again, the whisperings of the Holy Spirit came to me while listening to a Christian song.  This time, the song was “Someone Worth Dying For” by the band Mikeschair.  As you can very well guess, the song is about finding your worth in Christ.  The title of this song immediately suggests the question…am I really someone worth dying for? In my mind, I tend to think that there are those who are definitively worth the price that Christ paid, but certainly I’m not among them.  Why would a perfect God love me so much that He’d send his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  (John 3:16)   There is nothing in me worth loving, let alone loving to the point of sacrifice. 

Well, the truth is that nobody is worth the sacred blood of the Perfect Lamb of God.  Not even one.  And this is the core of what makes God’s love for us so unfathomable, that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)  This is the extend of the Grace of God, that even though nobody deserves His sacrifice, He did it anyway, for He is Love and Mercy is His nature. 

Nothing compares to His love and nothing we do would ever make us worthy of Him.  Our worth is in Him.  It is by Him that we are made righteous.  “He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” (Romans 4:25)  Any good in us comes from Him who justifies us.  That is why we walk in humility; because we had no part in making ourselves worthy of Him.  It is not by what we do, but by what He has already done, that we walk among the saved, and we count ourselves as part of His flock.  That’s why I sing, “Jesus help me believe that, [in You] I am someone worth dying for.” 

¹ The fool says in his heart,
   “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;
   there is no one who does good.
 ² The LORD looks down from heaven
   on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,
   any who seek God.
³ All have turned away, all have become corrupt;
   there is no one who does good,
   not even one.   Psalm 14:1-3

I couldn't have done it without you...

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”  This common, every day expression of humility and recognition of the value of team work came alive from a whole other perspective at the Beth Moore live simulcast last Saturday as she suggested her second principle:

“An individual calling can only be fulfilled in a ‘we’ context.” 

It is not hard to find Biblical illustrations to proof this principle.  Beth chose to look at Paul.  One of the greatest pillars of our faith, the ex-Pharisee whom God chose to be the apostle to the gentiles so we, today, may know Him, needed to be in good company in order to fulfill his great commission.  He traveled all around the known world of his time in the company of those whom God had appointed to form his very own “we” context.  He needed these companions in order to fulfill his destiny.  He “could not have done it without them.” 

The need for companionship is most evident when, nearing the end of his career on this earth, Paul sent out a moving plea to his friends to come and be with him as he saw his last hour approaching.  At that time, however, only Luke remained.  As a matter of fact, Luke probably was the one writing down 2 Timothy as Paul dictated it.  It was probably Luke’s pen which wrote the urgent plea of verse 9:  “Do your best to come to me quickly,” for the others had left him and “only Luke is with me.”  It is chilling to imagine Luke as he heard Paul dictate the words, “…only Luke is with me.”  Luke, the physician who joined Paul’s adventures somewhere between verses 8 and 10 of Acts chapter 16, became Paul’s “we” context.  It was a very lean “we.”  It was a “we” of just two; but a mighty “we” context nonetheless. 

Likewise Jesus developed His ministry within a “we” context.  He didn’t need to do so.  Jesus didn’t need the help of anybody to fulfill His redemptive plan; but He chose to walk in “good company.”  He is our greatest example on how to live our lives, and what He showed us was that we need others so we don’t have to walk alone.  His yoke is light because He carries it for us and because He gives us the opportunity to have other believers around who can lend a hand. 

He also gives us gifts to be put at the service of others.  Out of these gifts, God designs our mission.  While He does stretch us and pulls us out of our comfort zone, He doesn’t call us to a destiny that we are not equipped for.  “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in [me] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6 NASB)  He will fulfill His purpose for me, like Psalm 138:8 says.  And in order to do so, He provides the necessary gifts through His Holy Spirit.  These gifts are not for our sole benefit.  Like Peter tells us in his first letter, chapter 4:10:  “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.” 

God empowers us to administer His grace to others within the context of Christian fellowship.  Therefore, the gifts we have received from God must go back to Him in the form of service to His children.  We are the vessels of His grace and His grace must overflow from our cup to bathe others in it.  What good is there if we are filled with grace but keep it to ourselves?  Grace becomes wasted in an immovable pool of stagnant water.  Hording grace doesn’t benefit anybody.  Grace must flow like a river.  The more it overflows, the more it fills up again with fresh blessings and provision.  The more we strive toward putting our Spiritual Gifts at the service of our brothers and sisters in Christ, the more we are refueled by new and refreshed portions of His grace.  Something else miraculous happens as we serve others and share grace.  We figure out our calling. 

Many children of God struggle to find out what their calling is.  They even go as far as thinking that they don’t really have any Spiritual gifts to share.  Scripture states, however, that it is not a matter of Christians not having Spiritual gifts.  It is a matter of differences in our gifts.  There are different kinds of gifts, all distributed by the will of God to each one of His beloved.  We see it clearly in Romans: ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12:6-7)  The question is then, how do we find out which gift we have been dealt.   

Of course the Lord can supernaturally reveal our gifts to us in any way He would choose.  However, many times He chooses to reveal His will to us, and our calling, when we are caught up in the midst of active fellowship.  It is by staying in the fellowship of believers that our faith becomes actions, as so does our love.  It is in the fellowship of believers that we discover the leading Hand of God.  And His Hand almost certainly will lead us toward and not away from others.  His Hand leads us to our “we” context where we will figure out what He designed us to do.  We know this.  The more involved we are at church, the more phone calls to serve we receive.  The more we do, the more we are asked to do.  It is in the middle of these “doing” that we hear His voice guiding us to where He wants us.  He will call us according to the gifts He has given to us and in the measure that we use them for the furthering of His kingdom and the benefit of His children.  So it sure is true that we can really not do it without “you.” 

 ¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (1 Corinthians 12:12-14)