Still thinking along the lines of how to let go of my obsession with controlling the way things go, my mind went back to the afternoon of my treatment for thyroid cancer. On January 16, only a month ago, I had to take a radioactive iodine pill which would hopefully ablate any thyroid cells that may still be in my body after having surgery to remove the cancer infested gland. A small feat when compared to chemotherapy and other cancer treatments…a big feat for someone who has never been able to swallow a pill whole…but that’s another story.
Today I’m thinking of the ride home after a day at the hospital having tests and taking the treatment. Due to the radiation that my body was emitting, I had to be isolated from people for five days. The ride home was tricky, since I couldn’t drive and the closest people should be near me was 3 feet and for no more than 1 hour. The trip from the hospital to my Mother in Law’s house, where I would stay in isolation for the next 5 days, was a few minutes longer than 1 hour. Our compact car doesn’t have more than 3 feet of space between people…so I rode on the back seat, to put as much distance as possible between me and my husband in our small vehicle.
God gave us a beautiful and pleasant afternoon that day and my husband was able to fly through the miles as fast as he could legally do it. But even though the trip felt shorter than usual, I still had time to think while sitting on the back. I thought about the analogy between riding in the back seat and riding alongside life’s highways with our Lord. And as I leaned my head back and began to relax, I realized I like riding on the back…the steering wheel was not really meant for me. That is Christ’s seat.
However, there would be no way for me to find out how nice it feels to let another one do the driving, until the Lord put me in the back seat without offering me a choice or an alternative. It is in my nature to not want to let go. I want it my way. The Lord, in His infinite patience, is showing me that letting go is actually a sweet thing. It feels good knowing that someone else is in charge, especially when I have no clue of what to do! Knowing that God is in control sounds like a heavenly song to my troubled ears when in the middle of a storm. He controls the wheel and He drives us to safety while keeping us sheltered as we journey through the waves and the winds.
That afternoon, I was able to look out the window and enjoy the sight of our beautiful rolling hills, and the familiar places packed with memories up to the brim. I remember closing my eyes and thanking God for the blessing of allowing me to discover the joy of riding in the back seat. Today, I pray He will help me remember that is my seat…so I can let Him be behind the wheel.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."