Please, tell me that there are days you too feel like a failure! Because I don’t want to be alone on this boat…it’s sad in here…it is the boat of desolation and hopelessness…and as we all know, misery loves company…
Sometimes, I just wonder if there is anything I do that is not a complete disaster…I feel like I don’t fulfill any of my roles well. Being a Mother, forget it! My poor sons got the short end of the stick when they got me as their Mother. I feel as if everything I do will scar them for life. I wound them on a daily basis. I’m harsh, impatient, short-tempered, can’t cook, can’t do math, can’t play video games, can’t skate, I’m not gentle, I yell a lot, I lose my temper quickly, and did I mention that I’m harsh and not gentle? The poor kids are getting a long lesson on how to deal with difficult people.
Being a wife? Let’s just say that it’s a miracle we’ll be celebrating our 20th anniversary this year. I fail as a wife daily. But I’m sure my husband would be better equipped to talk about this subject since he’s had more personal experience with my failures in this department.
I also fail as a friend, sister, aunt, etc, etc, etc…you name it…I’m inadequate in every role. I am not meeting the mark. I am way below average. I am a failure. I have many voices inside of me that don’t let me forget this fact. The reminders of my shortcomings are the sad/long faces around me. The proof of my mediocrity as a human being is my constant feeling of ineptitude. The worst part is that such feelings rob me of precious joy in my soul. Thinking I’m unfit to perform my roles in life put me under a permanent dark cloud. And that only makes things worse for those around. Feeling defeated and unappreciated doesn’t strengthen relationships, it weakens them.
That very thought got me thinking. What if all these feelings are nothing but a lie? The enemy knows perfectly what buttons to push in order to get me to a place where I am the farthest away from God and from all things godly. He knows how to manipulate me in order to make me believe I don’t deserve healthy relationships with my loved ones and especially with Christ. What if I am but just another victim of the enemy’s dirty schemes?
When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
I must stop believing the lies. I have to fine tune my ears and stop hearing distorted messages. I have to start trusting who I am. I have to start believing that I am God’s beloved. I am a Child of the Most High King, which makes me a princess in the kingdom of heaven! I have to look back and see all He has done to transform my life. I am miles away from who I was twenty years ago. He is working in me, and He who began a work in me will not stop until He sees it completed! I am not completed yet, but He will keep working in me until I am. For as long as He keeps me in this world, He will continue to refine me and those around me should be blessed by the work of His hands. I am not a failure. I am a Child of the One True King! And as we well know: He didn’t make no junk!
I hope I remember that I have a choice every time I sense the feelings of failure creeping up in my soul. I have the choice to refuse certain thoughts (Ps. 101:2-3). Like I read in a message from a wise and godly sister in Christ not too long ago: Harmful thoughts are among those things referred to as Satan’s “flaming arrows” (Eph. 6:16). We may not be responsible for such thoughts popping into our heads, but we are accountable for our response to them. If you find yourself pausing on or entertaining unhealthy ideas, ask God to redirect your thinking. Then thank Him because Jesus Christ purchased your forgiveness at Calvary.