Saturday, January 23, 2016

May My Anxiety Lead Me to Christ

Personally, I’d say that developing godly traits is not an act of magic. The Holy Spirit invests the right measure of time in us to turn the wilderness of our soul into a plowed, fertile ground where good seeds can grow…where His fruits can bloom! Therefore, developing an attitude of trust in God does not happen overnight. It takes time and it involves experiencing a wide range of situations in order for us to actually learn how to trust Him. Along this process of practicing trust, we’ll see that sometimes we are successful at it, but as it is the case in my personal experience, way too often I fail.

Right now, I’m entering yet another season of anxiety due to the approaching checkups for my thyroid which will begin in a couple of weeks. I know there is no reason for me to be worried…but I worry nonetheless…sigh…

During the last few days, however, God, in His great Faithfulness, Love and Mercy has been using different venues around me to remind me that I need not worry, but instead, I have to trust Him.

For example, there was the sermon last Sunday where the last words I heard said something like: “use your anxiety to lead you closer to God.” I can’t tell you what the lesson was about…but that last sentence became branded on the walls of my mind as if with hot iron. Then there is the message on the radio about the woman, who had been praying the Lord would take away her insecurities, but He hasn’t…instead, He has showed her that it is precisely her insecurities which lead her to Him and keep her from wandering off. Yesterday, I read in my devotional: “Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.”

I don’t know about you, but I am really thick-headed…I am slow to learn…but as I am the densest of students, He is the wisest and most patient of Teachers. I praise Him for He knows I need repetition and He provides it. Like a kid trying to learn the multiplication tables, God constantly drills me and quizzes me on the subject of trust, but I still can’t say I’ve committed it to memory. I still struggle. My palms still become sweaty at the thought of tests and pending test results. But I am trying to remember, as I walk in this valley, that it is all part of the process of perfecting my complete trust in Him. It is all part of the experiences that will ultimately lead me to His arms.

For now, I will keep in mind the fact that perhaps, this anxiety, which the enemy uses to harm me, My Father and Shepherd uses to pull me closer to Him.

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