I’ve never been a runner. Ever since I was a young girl running felt exhausting and useless (unless I spotted a dog on the horizon, which always jumped started my inner-propeller because I was terrified of the furry things). As an adult, there is no way I can run. I’ve pretty much always known that if my life ever depends on running to safety…that’d be the day I’d meet my Maker…and that’s OK with me. However, when it comes to my internal speed I tell you, I’m always racing. My hours of operation begin at dawn and I close shop way later than I should because there are never enough hours in the day. Running behind makes me grumpy. Delays infuriate me. Slow-pace drives me insane. And the funny thing is that sometimes I don’t even know why I’m rushing.
Let’s take a couple of days ago, for example. It was my birthday. It was a joyous day…however, when the evening came, I allowed myself to become grumpy. I don’t even remember why. I’m not sure what triggered it. All I know is that by the time I went to bed my spirit had sunken into a pretty sorry state.
The worst thing is that I do that quite often. I talk myself into misery. I find ways to turn a perfectly good day into something rotten, filled with dissatisfaction. I let stress drain me. I let worry keep me away from peace.
And I think that the root of that problem is found somewhere in that constant rushing thing. I have a hard time taking life one step at a time. I’m always looking ahead…as if the future were something I had any control over. That’s what I keep forgetting. And forgetting this tiny detail makes me lose precious time…which is ironic since that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid with all the rushing around! But the truth is that I lose time and energy because as I fret about what’s coming, I miss what I have right here and right now.
The wonders of today are just a blur on my window as I speed up through life.
That’s not what God wants. He is not in a hurry and He doesn’t want me to be either. Instead, He calls me to sit by His glorious side and be still. He wants me to wait patiently in Him and stop being anxious about the details of my life, for they are all taken care of. He wants me to remember that I am co-heir to His Kingdom with Christ, so as I share in His suffering, I will too share in His victory. He wants me to remember that it is all already accomplished, and that the unfolding of His plan for me includes the resolution to all my concerns in a way that is perfect, even if different from what I would have designed.
I don’t want to waste my days being grumpy about the unresolved stress of the future. I need to remember how much I dislike running so I can learn how to walk. I need to remember that I CAN’T run…so I better stop trying because I’m going to be worn out way too soon. I need to remember the old fable that taught us: slow and steady wins the race.
Hopefully next year, on my birthday I will not allow myself to waste my time being grumpy for unimportant reasons. In the meantime…I’m going to do my best to slow down as I drink the calming waters of His presence.