Friday, April 28, 2017

Panicky Planning - a Sign of a Serious Martha Condition

I am a paradox tangled into a contradiction. I am an obsessive controller who is disorganized. I am a poor planner who stresses out about endless to-do lists. I am a type A/action-driven person who wastes enormous amounts of time. I live on the edge and I’m afraid of everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s very confusing being me.

By God’s grace I’m able to finish my days in one piece.

For most of my life, I’ve been spinning in a wheel of frantic pacing, panicky planning and fearful attempts at controlling everything around me…and boy, I sure am dizzy.

Here’s just one example. As a teacher, I want to have every second of my class planned. If I don’t, I lose my students to the evil phone devil…so, I frantically spend most of my mental time preparing for class to make sure that those 50 minutes are packed full of things to do. I’d wake up in the morning and the first thing in my mind would be the long list of things I had to accomplish that day, and of course, on the top of the list it would be a mental rehearsal of each of my classes. I’d drive myself crazy with step-by-step self-instructions…the day would not start yet, and I’d be exhausted.

Then, God in His great mercy and love for this anxious daughter of His, placed in my hands a devotional that speaks to me directly, and for days, weeks really, I have been hearing from God a message of letting go. He has been speaking to me about depending on Him and Him alone…and to stop thinking that I can have it all under my control. This is what He says to me today:

As you look into the day that stretches out before you, you see many choice-points along the way. The myriad possibilities these choices present can confuse you. Draw your mind back to the threshold of this day, where I stand beside you, lovingly preparing you for what is ahead.

You must make your choices one at a time since each is contingent upon the decision that precedes it. Instead of tying to create a mental map of your path through this day, focus on My loving Presence with you. I will equip you as you go so that you can handle whatever comes your way. Trust Me to supply what you need when you need it.

I’m getting ready to go to class, and there is one that I am worried about because I don’t think I have enough activities to do with them today…but I am resisting the temptation to go into panicky planning and just trust…maybe it will be a relaxed classed!!!??? Where my students are not in some sort of Spanish frenzy…well, that’s a thought I never thought about…hmmmm…let’s see how it goes, shall we?

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