The If-Girl

Today, we arrive at the greatest secret found in Philippians 4 involving our trust in the Lord:

…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12-13

This section of Scripture has carried me through the toughest times in my life and I know will continue to provide light for as long as I walk on this valley of sorrows called Earth.

Through loneliness, through sadness, through anxiety, through loss, through infertility, financial hardship, health problems, cancer, problems with my kids…etc., etc. etc., these Holy Spirit-breathed words of Paul have reminded me and assured me that no matter what life puts in front of me, I will be able to face it because it is not by my puny strength that I’ll get through it, but by the Mighty Power of Christ.

I remember hearing, many years ago now, my first sermons on contentment at my beloved New Bedford Church. Pastor Doug’s excellent teaching methods guided me through my first understanding of the word…a word that had not been part of my vocabulary before.

A quick definition of contentment circles us around by saying it is “the state of being content.” That doesn’t help much, but when I looked up the word content, I found it defined as:

pleased and satisfied : not needing more

WOW!

Concise but infinitely charged with meaning, this definition is a bit of a slap on the face for me. For as long as I have walked on this planet, regardless of where I’ve been or lived, I’ve always felt the sting of discontent. I have always experienced the pressure of dissatisfaction…

When I look at the definition above I see how it somehow hints at the fact that the state of satisfaction derives from not needing more. However, in my personal experience, my discontent comes not exactly from “needing more,” but from “wanting different.” Too often I’ve been that gal that sighs: “but if…”

I have a great job, but if I could only work at __________ Instead of __________. I am thankful for my kids, but if they would only be that way rather than this way. I love my husband, but if he would only (let’s not even go there with this one, huh? J

I’m like the biggest “if-girl” in the world. But one of the “but if’s” I struggle with the most have to do with health issues. I know God can work all things for the good of those who love Him and put their trust in Him (Romans 8: 28) and that He is able and often does turn something that was meant for bad into incredible good…but if only He would have kept me from getting cancer…sigh…

I’ve been afraid of cancer ever since I heard of it for the first time as a young girl. That has been the single-biggest fear I’ve ever had. So when my diagnosis came positive…I felt a descent into a pit of panic and anxiety I have not been able to shake off completely just yet.

Every test, every doctor’s visit, every waiting room…opens the flood gates of worry once again. I really should have no reason to be so concerned about it at all…but I am. I am doing better this year in dealing with the anxiety of upcoming checkups, but the cold sweats still remain. If God would only free me from this mental anguish…if He would only give me peace…instantaneous peace…like magic!

Peace is indeed like a river. It flows abundantly…but not automatically and too often not instantaneously either. It is not that God could not just give us peace in a supernatural way, of course He can. He is God! He can do whatever He wishes. But sometimes there is a process, a road He needs us to go through, to walk on in order to arrive at that river of peace. And the most amazing thing is that it is precisely on that road which we have actively tried to avoid, that we usually meet Jesus transfigured.

As I sit and fret about the tests I’m facing…I wonder if it is not really about being unafraid…but if it really is about trusting Him despite of our fear.

I don’t know if I will ever not be afraid while on this side of Heaven…but what if it is about realizing that I cannot do it on my own. I believe His victory is my victory. I believe that I don’t have to overcome the world because He has already done that for me. He has done it all for me. He has paid it all…and all to Him I owe. What if it really is like my sister in law told me a few days ago…and all I have to do is “enjoy the ride”?

I don’t think I need to be too hard on myself and judge my fear as a sign of complete lack of faith. I think I should look at it as if I am on the road to Him, not there yet, not yet done…and even if I never stop being the “if-girl” I am…it doesn’t matter, because I am not here to seek perfection. I’m here to seek Him.

Joy Comes in the Morning!

“Please Lord, may your presence be evident to me today…” I prayed these words as earnestly as I could Sunday morning when I woke up. I’ve prayed this same prayer for people around me as they walk through that valley of the shadows of death which often we have to wander through…however…as the familiar words began to form in my mind, I realized I have never truly prayed them specifically for me.

So I did.

His presence is what sustains us, what comforts us, what keeps us together, what strengthens us…and I am in certain need of all of that right now. So I prayed, half expecting Him to do something wonderful…and half not knowing what to expect…

The night before we had already decided to go to our home church, so we got up early, got ready and left. Upon entering the building, as it always happens, my heart began to feel the warmth of the familiar surroundings. After all, it was within those walls, years ago, that God decided it was time to reveal Himself to me in the most powerful of ways through His Words proclaimed by Pastor Doug and through the embrace of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

And this past Sunday, once again, sitting on those bright-orange-cushioned pews facing the most impressive wooden cross I’ve ever seen…a cross that literally sustains the entire sanctuary… I was overtaken by the power of the Almighty. The message I heard that morning felt tailor-made for me. It was a message of joy…and how joy does not depend on our circumstances, but on our relationship with Christ.

I cannot reproduce the exact words, but what stuck in my mind is the thought that even though I may lose my happiness, I must learn to never lose my joy. No matter what situation I am in, I need to learn to re-direct my eyesight toward Him...to love Him, serve Him and His children and speak my faith…and the peace that comes with trusting His plan will cover me and surpass all my understanding.

I was overwhelmed by His mercy…and we sang about that too, which I thought was just like the proverbial cherry on that mythically wonderful sundae…

Then, if that wasn´t enough, I attended Sunday School, and of course…the entire class revolved around the topic of the negative effects of excessive worry. What resonated in my spirit the most was the affirmation that if we fill our time of anxiety with prayer, there would be no room for worry because we cannot continue to worry at the same time that we pray…it is simply one or the other.

Another thing that made me ponder was the idea that God gives us situations that may seem above our head, but they are never above His head. If all He would give us in this life were easy fixes, we would sense no need for Him. We would feel self-sufficient. Hardship has a purpose. And its main purpose is to draw us closer to Christ, the One who truly can put an end to all suffering as He makes all things new. Human nature is so, that far too often it takes the darkness of the depths of the pit for us to turn our head toward the Light.

I cannot tell you how refreshed I felt as we drove away that Sunday. I was overcome by melancholy…the bittersweet taste I experience each time I have to remember I don´t live across the street from my church anymore…but I was also overcome by joy…the plain sweetness of knowing I´m never truly far away from the One who sustains me, for He lives in me and His presence comes to my rescue regardless of where I may be.

Linking with:  Wholeheartedhome.com, Rosilindjukic.com and MoreofHim.net

May My Anxiety Lead Me to Christ

Personally, I’d say that developing godly traits is not an act of magic. The Holy Spirit invests the right measure of time in us to turn the wilderness of our soul into a plowed, fertile ground where good seeds can grow…where His fruits can bloom! Therefore, developing an attitude of trust in God does not happen overnight. It takes time and it involves experiencing a wide range of situations in order for us to actually learn how to trust Him. Along this process of practicing trust, we’ll see that sometimes we are successful at it, but as it is the case in my personal experience, way too often I fail.

Right now, I’m entering yet another season of anxiety due to the approaching checkups for my thyroid which will begin in a couple of weeks. I know there is no reason for me to be worried…but I worry nonetheless…sigh…

During the last few days, however, God, in His great Faithfulness, Love and Mercy has been using different venues around me to remind me that I need not worry, but instead, I have to trust Him.

For example, there was the sermon last Sunday where the last words I heard said something like: “use your anxiety to lead you closer to God.” I can’t tell you what the lesson was about…but that last sentence became branded on the walls of my mind as if with hot iron. Then there is the message on the radio about the woman, who had been praying the Lord would take away her insecurities, but He hasn’t…instead, He has showed her that it is precisely her insecurities which lead her to Him and keep her from wandering off. Yesterday, I read in my devotional: “Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.”

I don’t know about you, but I am really thick-headed…I am slow to learn…but as I am the densest of students, He is the wisest and most patient of Teachers. I praise Him for He knows I need repetition and He provides it. Like a kid trying to learn the multiplication tables, God constantly drills me and quizzes me on the subject of trust, but I still can’t say I’ve committed it to memory. I still struggle. My palms still become sweaty at the thought of tests and pending test results. But I am trying to remember, as I walk in this valley, that it is all part of the process of perfecting my complete trust in Him. It is all part of the experiences that will ultimately lead me to His arms.

For now, I will keep in mind the fact that perhaps, this anxiety, which the enemy uses to harm me, My Father and Shepherd uses to pull me closer to Him.

Linking with: Essentialthingdevotions.com

He Knows Me and Still Loves Me

Still thinking about old friends…mind you, I don’t mean friends who are old here, OK? I’m talking about friends who have been in my life for a long time…though they might actually be rather old, now that I think about it … tee-hee…

Anyway, I was thinking how incredible it is that I have a few life-long-friends who, despite the fact that they actually know me pretty well, still like me and are not apprehensive about admitting that they are my friends! That to me is a miracle! The collection of hidden and not-so-hidden flaws I have makes me for a tough sell when it comes to the likeability department. But these people graciously stick by me even though I am a total mess…and often, a big phony.

If that is not unbelievable enough, let’s think about God and how we said He is our oldest and most dependable of friends. Stopping to think about that truth should make us feel overflowed with awe and wonder. The same God who created the galaxies and everything in existence not only created me as well, but knows me…He knows me by name since before I was even formed…that is mind-blowing!

Before I was born the Lord called me;

from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name. Isaiah 49: 1b

Not only is He not apprehensive about admitting that He knows us, but He even claims us as His own!

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me. 
John 10:14

Unfathomable!

My friends may know a lot about me. However, it is rather impossible for anyone to truly KNOW everything about someone else. God, however, KNOWS EVERYTHING about me. He knows my deepest and darkest secrets. He knows my motives (YIKES!). He knows my desires (Double yikes!). He knows my heart…sigh…and He still likes me…He still Loves me…He loves me enough to die for me.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5: 8

Honestly, I have so much darkness in me that, had I lived in Jesus’ time, I’d been one of those yelling: “Crucify Him!”

But He doesn’t care. And the main reason He doesn’t care is because He IS the Savior, not me. If I were good, righteous and perfect on my own, I would not need Him. There would have been no need for Jesus to die if we could have done it all on our own. But we are not the Savior…we are the saved. We are not the Shepherd…we are the sheep. And like the sheep on the field, we are lost without the love, care and proximity of Our Good Shepherd.

I pray I remember this truth…this miraculous mystery that is God’s love for me every time I feel lonely, afraid, abandoned, lost or unloved. I do have at least One Good Old Friend who loves me so much, that allowed nails to be driven through His flesh to save me, to claim me, to call me by my name.

I Trust the One Who Knows Me

An important part of trusting someone is to be aware of his/her past actions so we realize how dependable that person really is. By knowing what they have done in the past we can anticipate, to a pretty accurate and reliable degree, what they will do in the future. That’s why it is easier to trust an old friend than someone who we have just met.

We, hopefully, all have a special someone or someones to whom we go whenever we are in great need of advice, guidance, support, company, a shoulder to cry on, etc., etc., etc. We go to them because they have been there before and we have a well-developed sense of their reliability. We have had a relationship with them, and out of that relationship, trust has been built.

So it is also with God. Our trust on God develops, grows and solidifies…because we know Him…because we have a relationship with Him. The more we know Him and the longer we walk with Him, the more intimate our relationship becomes and the more we remember what He has already done for us. Just like a good old friend, the more we know Him, the more we trust Him because we know He is Faithful:

In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation." Isaiah 25: 9

He is that “Old Friend.” He is the Oldest of Friends whom we have known since before we were formed. As anxiety and fear begins to build up in our hearts, let us remember our relationship with Him. Let us remember how He is that Friend who has always been there for us regardless of how we have treated Him. He is the Friend we can always call, regardless of the time of day or circumstance. He is our most reliable Friend for we recall His promises and see that they are all true!

Our trust, however, doesn’t only come from the fact that we know Him. Ultimately, our trust is truly based on the fact that He knows us. It is because we have a God who knows us and seeks us to the point of becoming man Himself in order to come and walk among us and die for us, that we realize how deep and wide and high and long His care and love for us is (Ephesians 3: 18). At a very personal and intimate level…He knows us…He knows each one of us at such a deeper level we’d never have anyone else knows us that way ever:

You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways. Psalm 139: 1-3

That is why we do not fear. He who created us and knows us, loves us and redeems us:

But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; Isaiah 43: 1-3a

Therefore, I know that because He knows me, I can face whatever life throws at me. Therefore, instead of fear I choose to trust and praise!

Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 

Praise the Lord, my soul, 

and forget not all his benefits— 

who forgives all your sins 

and heals all your diseases, 

who redeems your life from the pit 

and crowns you with love and compassion, 

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103: 1-5

Linking with:  Rosilindjukic.com and Wholeheartedhome.com

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Today we see the rather paradoxical nature of God’s economy. In God´s Kingdom, as we give of ourselves to others (Philippians 4: 10, 15-18), God meets our needs. And the best part is that God does not meet our needs according to the world’s standards but according to the riches of his glory in Chris!

Trust grows as we selflessly give and offer of ourselves to others while we trust that He will provide. Trust grows as we share in our brothers and sisters’ problems while we trust that we will be taken care of even as we pour ourselves out onto others.

It’s a riddle…to the eyes of the world it may seem like opposing concepts...but to the eyes of God…it is the way to become more intimately acquainted with the meaning of total dependency on Him.

May we realize that as we give the fragrant offering of our service to others, Our Heavenly Father will amply meet our very own needs not according to the measure of what we have given, but “according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Linking with Essentialthingdevotions.com

It Was Good of You To Share in My Troubles

We demonstrate our trust in God in the way we serve and take care of others…in our willingness to depart with our most prized possessions. And possessions are not just material things. We express our trust in the Great Provider when we are willing to serve our brothers and sisters by offering of our time, our thoughts, our talents, our prayers and even our loved ones.

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it…

14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 

Philippians 4: 10, 14, 17-18

This combination of verses from Philippians 4 takes me back two years ago to the day. I was entering a treatment process for thyroid cancer which even though not as involved and devastating as other types of treatment…it was none the less just as frightening.

As part of the treatment, I needed to be in isolation for 5 days. I spent those five days in a house all by myself. However, I was not alone. I had an outpouring of love and prayers which covered me and sustained me throughout the process. Dear friends from my home-church brought me meals every day. And members of the new church we had begun attending after moving to a different town brought meals to my husband and sons back at home. I received notes of encouragement and messages of hope by cards, phone calls, e-mails and texts. The presence of the Holy Spirit was evident all around me in the presence of those who took the time to express their love in the offering of themselves to me in my hour of need. I certainly “rejoiced greatly in the Lord” as my friends showed their concern for me. And I am sure; their gestures were, indeed, “a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God.”

As they continue to share in my troubles, little by little, the acts of kindness of those around me have contributed to helping me in my walk to fully trust Him...to fully trust in His provision. I pray that, likewise, as I continue in my path, I too also learn that by sharing in the troubles of those alongside my journey, I am growing in the confidence that God is Trustworthy and Faithful.

May our confidence and trust in Our Heavenly Father grow stronger with every opportunity we have to show concern for others.