Clueless

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2: 18  

At about this time 18 years ago, I began to plan our wedding.  I only had 5 very short months to get it all done.  Back then, I was certain of a few things.  I knew that I loved Dan and that he was the man God had designed to be my husband.  I knew my parents loved Dan too, and were thrilled about the idea of a wedding. I knew that we didn’t have much time to take care of all the details.  I also knew that I definitively did not want to spend much money on this ordeal.  And I knew I wanted my flowers to be white.  However, as certain as I was of these things, I was clueless about what marriage truly meant.  

Immersed in the endless list of things to do, in between my gown’s fittings, the decisions about the menu, the guest list and picking a reception hall, I had not given much thought at all to the Biblical significance of marriage.  The idea that marriage is a God ordained sacrament with divine implications which foreshadows the relationship between our Lord Jesus Christ and His bride the church had not even crossed my mind on those busy days.  Neither had I thought about God’s command to wives to submit to their husbands as they submit to Christ, or the fact that from the very beginning of all ages, God designed the woman to be the helper of the man.

The big day came and went.  Everything was beautiful.  And as the wedding became history, reality began to hit.

I’ve always been very independent, controlling, impatient, selfish, harsh and strong-willed.  I had no clue those tendencies would need to be adjusted now that I had become a wife.  I had no clue my role in life had changed.  I had no clue of the seriousness of the role of wife.  I had no clue I could not live for my own self-interest anymore.  I had no clue that, though equal in the eyes of God, I had entered a God-designed partnership with God-ordained roles, in which the head was the husband and I was to be his helper. 

A helper; how was I to become a helper?  The thought alone made me feel like I had been demoted.  I had gone from being a self-sufficient, self-made, smart and independent young woman about to unleash the potential of a thousand warriors, to become a subordinated being that had to display obedience and submission to this man who, though perfect for me, was not perfect or flawless by any extend of the imagination.  I was supposed to go from being the ultimate boss of me to being a helper. 

I had never really paid attention to the Biblical definition of a wife.  I had no clue!  So, needless to say, the first few years of our marriage were a real treat!  I was in a constant state of rebellion.  I went through an intense period of identity crisis.  I did not know who I was.  My whole world had sort of collapsed and what was left was this unrecognizable mess that nobody could decipher or knew how to deal with.  And the root of it all was that I had not really and truly invited Christ to be part of our marriage.  I didn’t know I was supposed to do that! 

It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was trying to fulfill my divinely appointed mission of being a wife without asking for Divine intervention.  There was no way I could become the helper God had intended without enlisting the aid of the Divine Helper.  It is no wonder to me now, when I look back, why I was so clueless.  It is no wonder I was getting no where in my attempts to be a good wife.  It is no wonder why I had no idea how to do that. 

Years went by and as the Holy Spirit began to work in me and show me that if I were to become the helper I was supposed to be, I would need His help; I didn’t necessarily became better at it, but I found peace.  The feeling of inadequacy persisted, but I accepted that the bar to becoming a “wife of noble character” is set very high for a purpose.  God sets high standards so we realize we cannot do it alone.  Trying to adhere to Biblical roles can only be achieved by the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in us and is our Helper.  I finally accepted that I not only needed help from the Divine Helper, but I needed Him to take over.  I needed to let go of my desire to be perfect, and let Him show His strength through my weakness. 

For women like me, the path to becoming a godly wife is a long and rocky one.  Today, as I look back on those few, precious months when I was captivated by the excitement of planning our wedding, I can see the hand of God in everything that happened.  Even my cluelessness was necessary for me to realize my need for a Savior and a Helper.  Today, I am still not the helper that God wants me to be, but I rely on my Heavenly Helper to guide me through this difficult road into a place where I can finally hear, well done, good and faithful “helper.” 

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2: 24