Once again I am concerned about things that are out of my reach…out of the realm of what I can control…and once again, I’m driving myself crazy! I just like things to go the way I want them to. Who doesn’t? I mean, really, don't you like to have a saying on how the things that affect you get done? I know…that’s the obsessive part of my personality doing the talking. The thing is that I have a hard time letting go.
I know I must trust the plan God has for the lives of those whom I love; but it is so difficult to really, truly let go of my ideas of how their lives should be like and just appreciate the way God’s design unfolds in front of my eyes. There is nothing I could plan for the lives of my sons, for instance, that would be better than the plan God has for them. However, I fret. I fret on a daily basis about the way things are going at the new school. I fret that my older son is not making friends as fast as I would hope. I fret because I have no clue how my younger son is doing in class. I fret because my arms are not long enough to reach my kids everywhere they go. I fret because I don’t know what the future holds.
The thing I keep forgetting is that nobody is supposed to know the future. Not I or anyone…Only He who forges it is to know what’s ahead. I am but “a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” Therefore, I should just say… “If the Lord wills…” (James 4: 14-15) O, but how hard it is. I wish I could grab the future in my hands and mold it as I please. The arrogance of my thoughts, however, clouds my vision and keeps me from accepting that,
Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19: 21
I repent for my impatience and lack of trust. I see both are the unfortunate results of a Spirit who has not fully surrendered. I realize that not until I completely give my cares to the One who can take care of them, my heart won’t be finally free. The surrendered soul is the one which finds the peace of the Lord. It is one of those amazing paradoxes of our Great God. Only through complete surrender to Him we can be truly be free, and free indeed.
It is my prayer today, then, that the Holy Spirit may give me/us the freedom that comes with my/our surrender to the One who makes us free.