Friday Night Lights

I have held many different types of jobs over the years, including the “mother” of all jobs…being a Mom; so I assumed I knew what hard work really was…little did I know that I had yet to learn the meaning of “working your behind off.” Last Friday, however, I learned it (boy, did I learn it, alright?)

Even though I have two sons, they are not into sports, so I have never been overwhelmed with the hectic routine typical of a “soccer” Mom. But my older one, Grant, is really dedicated to music, so this year he joined the Marching Band even though he is still only in 8th grade. I see his commitment to the band and his desire to do his part (which for Grant is HUGE!), so when he was accepted into the Band, I decided I was going to be committed to it as well. I was going to be there to see him play every song and march every step! So I joined the Band Boosters. I made up my mind to be an active member and was quick to sign up for helping out as much as I could.

Let me tell you, as a tropical girl, born and raised in a country that is not obsessed with American Football, I knew nothing about what being in a High School Marching Band was all about. In Panama, the Marching Band only exists to march in Independence Day parades once a year and a few other concert-type events. Since my kids are not into sports so much, I have never really been to a High School football game before. SOOO, I didn’t really know/understand/realize that the Marching Band’s almost sole purpose for existence is to play at the Football games, then they do the sporadic parades and concert-type events.

Evidently, it took me a while to realize that if I wanted to support my son, and be there for him, I would have to go to every football game our school ever played in the season. Very quickly I went to the calendar and was VERY relieved to see that the High School football season is rather short, especially if your school doesn’t make it beyond regular season (which you know what I began praying for at that moment, right?) Anyway, that’s all good and all. I will write about my experiences going to the away games on a later blog. Here, the experience I want to relate is the home games…particularly the ones when I volunteered (naively volunteered…where is the American husband when you need advice on how things work in this country??? I wonder) to do some work…

The president of the Band Boosters said that this year the Band would get to operate the concession stand during home games and that she needed parents to work in it. Each kid would get $25 toward their individual accounts every time his or her parents would work at the concession stand. I decided that sounded like a great deal…almost free money…so I signed up to work at the concession stand for 3 home games. All my husband would say was: “you are crazy! Three games? That’s too much! I’m not working three games!” I attributed his refusal to…well…him being lazy…so I told the Band Booster’s president that I could only do two games.

Anyway…

The first game I had to work was last Friday and all I can say is…I really did not have any idea what I had signed up for…

I have gained a new appreciation for people who work in the food industry AND especially for those working concession stands everywhere in America. Concession stand volunteers: I salute you!

I could not believe the burst of activity that such little space could host. From my spot, I saw loaded nachos fly out the windows at light speed. There was a nacho cheese storm with jalapeño thunder. Walking tacos ran out the doors. Doritos and Fritos cracked the whip as showers of pop, coffee and water washed down the hot dogs, pretzels and other sandwiches that we prepared to feed the hungry crowd that visited our stand in a constant rush. It felt as if the entire town had skipped dinner only to support the Boosters…which was great for the budget, but a killer for my back.

The mayhem was such that only once in a while I’d remember there was a football game going on outside. I had no idea what the score was and I never got to see my son play one note. All I got was the occasional flashing of the stadium lights on the corner of my eyes. All in all, however, I had a lot of fun. It was an experience I needed to have. I wish I’d known in advanced how it really was going to be like…so I’d wear more appropriate shoes, but in the end, I’m happy I volunteered and I’m actually looking forward to my next stance at the concession stand…under the Friday Night Lights.

It was not worth the $25 I earned; it was worth much more. It was worth the intangible price of a chance to do hard work, enjoy camaraderie, offer service and above all, a chance to rejoice, even in the midst of craziness and chaos.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Farewell to Summer

It was a time for all kinds of things under the sun...

It was a time to relax...VEGAS´ Style!

A time to spend precious moments with my favorite girls!

A time to visit exotic and new places with a dear friend...

A time to be lazy...

...and a time to be daring

A time to be at the beach with family...

A time to be silly with friends.

A time to reconnect with my roots and remember where I came from...

A time to chill out in the sun...

A time for milestones...

And a time to let go...

All in all...when the bitter cold blows from the north

these are the memories I will hold on to

these are the memories that will keep me warm.

Good Bye Summer

Being a tropical girl and all, I'm never sure when seasons begin and when they end...but today I'm certain of one thing... I know summer is over since evenings are getting colder, days are getting shorter and I've already packed away the last beach towel.

Sigh...

As I look back at our summer time, I realize I have much to be thankful for.  I did a great deal of traveling.  The entire family was very healthy, PRAISE THE LORD! The kids had fun.  And most of all, I learned a lot about myself. Among many other things, I learned that I still have a long way to go to become the person the Lord desires me to be.  I learned I still struggle with selfishness and lack of forgiveness.  I learned I still harbor resentment in my heart about things/people I thought I had left behind.  I learned I still don't fully trust God's plan for my life.  I learned that I still like to manipulate events to ensure the outcomes I think I want.  I learned I'm still very impatient and short-tempered.  I learned I still have many a materialistic tendencies.  And I learned I'm still very much in love with this world.

However, I also learned that God is Faithful.  I learned that even so I am still in the infancy of my faith, Christ loves me the same.  I learned that when I am weakest, He is strongest!  I learned that I can choose to trust Him and that His Power delivers me every day.  I learned that behind every perceived failure there is a real victory.  I learned that His Love endures in spite of myself.  I learned that He's got me by His Right Hand and that He is not about to let go of me.  I learned that even though I still have a lot to learn, I've got the perfect Teacher who never tires of His students.

We now approach Autumn, and inevitably, with this season, melancholic feelings settle into my soul.  But the fresh scent of summer will remain tucked in the pictures and memories that keep it alive...and perhaps, I might even catch a faint whiff of the beach every time I open the linen closet and stand in front of the colorful assortment of neatly folded towels that I'm putting away today.

The Right to Healthy Boundaries

Why is it so hard to forgive?
Well, for me, it is hard because, even though I know it is not so, deep inside, there is something in me that deceives me into thinking that forgiving means letting the other person off the hook. That "something" that continues to block forgiveness is my pride.  I am too proud to forgive.  I was deeply wounded. I was wronged.  And those whom I love continue to be hurt and oppressed as well, and I am in pain because of their pain.  Therefore, I don't want the offender to get away with it.  I want justice!

However, while my pride continuously reveals the offense and keeps the wound open, it hides the truth.  My pride hides the truth that justice does not belong to me.  Vengeance is the Lord's! (Deuteronomy 32: 35)  I am not the one who ought to judge.  It is not up to me to seek the offender's contrition and repentance.  The Lord will take care of all that, in due time.

Another reason I am hesitant to forgive is because I often believe that if I forgive, I need to restore the relationship.  However, that is not at all what forgiveness means.  God never would want me to stay in a toxic relationship that will only bring me harm.  Forgiveness is the command, but sometimes it is necessary to maintain healthy boundaries in order to survive.  While forgiveness can and often is a one-sided action, healthy relationships must involve the good will of all the parts.

For a relationship to work there must be trust and love.   God would not ask us to stay near the one who has violated our trust or has demonstrated his/her lack of care.  Therefore, it is important that I tell my pride and my confused sense of making things right, to take a hike so I can enjoy the freedom of breaking the chains of lack forgiveness.  It is time I realize that I have to forgive so I can be healed.  I have to forgive so I can have peace.  I have to forgive so I can have joy back into my life.  I have to forgive so I can move on.

Clear the Way, Lord!

Last night, a troubling thought came to my mind…this isn’t unusual since my head is plagued by troubling thoughts day-in and day-out…but this particular one was rather original…I thought, what’s the point? What’s the point of all the work I do all day? Is this how life is supposed to be lived? Am I supposed to rush through the hours, be stressed out about all the work I have to do and be rude to those around me because they are on my way, delaying me from completing the task I have in front of my face? Is life just a series of chores to be done, deadlines to be met, promotions to be gotten, dinners to be made and bathtubs to be scrubbed? What’s the point of all this hassle? Can’t I just give up? Do I ever get to quit?

Today, I read in my Sarah Young’s Jesus is Calling daily devotional, the following:

"Seek to please Me above all else. Let that goal be your focal point as you go through this day. Such a mind-set will protect you from scattering your energy to the winds. The free will I bestowed on you comes with awesome responsibility. Each day presents you with choice after choice. Many of these decisions you ignore and thus make by default. Without a focal point to guide you, you can easily lose your way. That’s why it is so important to stay in communication with Me, living in thankful awareness of My Presence.

You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are constantly unraveling around the edges. Only a vibrant relationship with Me can keep you from coming unraveled too."

Matthew 6: 33; John 8: 29; Colossians 3: 23-24

Well, this reading gave me a renewed perspective. It pointed right out what my issue is: I’m becoming unraveled, just as the world is too. I am allowing myself to be caught up in the world’s web of materialism and busyness, which is distracting me from my goal: to seek Him FIRST! I am running around like a mad woman, scattering my energy to the winds. I am not making the right choices. I am confusing my way.

Today, it is my intention to purposely refocus. As a first step, I need to remember to pray. I need to remember to stay in constant communication with my source of strength. And one of the things I pray is that the Lord would point out to me the moments when I begin to lose or confuse the path, and that He would re-direct me by adjusting the lenses through which I see. I pray He would wipe off the fog from my eyes and clear the road ahead so I remember that the point is to seek Him FIRST!

I also pray that I remember that the ideal is not to quit or give up on life, but that the command is to:

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 

Colossians 3: 23-24

Because He Lives!

So much pain in the world today
I don’t want to seem insensitive
But sometimes I just have to look away
Take a break
Stop a bit and breathe again.
I often wonder

What tomorrow will bring
Is the Light still going to shine?
Is good still going to win?
Or must we just brace for the end?

It sure looks as if we are all going downhill.
Desperate, lonely, abused and confused people
Have lost their way.
Is there anything left to do?
Or is it just too late?

Then I hear a song in the air.
A song full of hope…
I gather my wits
Grab a hold of myself and think
I swallow hard and remember

I remember that I must find His hand.
I remember that because He is near
I can face my fears.
Because He loves me,
I can trust His plan.
Because He is Faithful
I can believe His promises
Because He showers me with His Grace
I will, one day, see His Face.
To Live is Christ
And to die is gain.
It doesn’t matter what tomorrow may bring,
Because He lives!

I Choose to Trust Him

"The farther you roam along paths of unbelief, the harder it is to remember that I AM with you.  Anxious thoughts branch off in all directions, taking you farther and farther from awareness of My Presence.  You need to voice your trust in Me frequently.  This simple act of faith will keep you walking along straight paths with Me.  Trust Me with all your heart, and I will make your paths straight."

This was in today's devotional reading from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  The reading is inspired by Isaiah 26: 4; Psalm 9: 10; Psalm 25: 4-5 and Proverbs 3: 5-6  and I absolutely love it!

I need to hear this from our Lord constantly.  I need the reminder every day.  The only thing that brings true peace to the soul is the awareness of God's presence in us; but anxious thoughts provoked by unbelief and lack of trust distract us from our concentration on Him...They take our eyes away from His face...and the vicious cycle of fear spins out of control...like Peter, as long as he kept his eyes fixed on Christ, he was able to walk on water!  As soon as he turned his head and looked at the wind and waves, he began to sink. In panic, Peter cried out, "Lord, save me!"  and, of course,

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. But not without pointing out

“You of little faith,”he said, “why did you doubt?” (Mathew 14: 22-33)

I don't want to doubt. I don't want to have little faith. I want to recall all the times He has saved me. I want to think on how He loves me and how He has never abandoned me. I want to keep my eyes on Him at all times so when the winds and the waves of fear attempt to engulf me, I know I will not be moved nor defeated because He, to whom the winds and the waves obey, holds my hand and keeps me save.

I choose to trust Him, the Lord of the storm, the King of my heart, the Sustainer of my life, the Fountain of my peace.

Casting my Cares onto Him!

Psalm 84: 12 says:

O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. 

Today, I pray I am that “wo-man.” Today I pray I am the one who trusts Him. I am so tired of being afraid. I am so tired of letting anxiety ruin my days. I have lived in fear for too long. For years I have struggled with the agony of anxious thoughts about my health and the health of my loved ones. I really have to stop. Otherwise, life is truly just going to pass me by to find me cowering in a corner at the end…when there’s not much else to be done…not much left after all the days are gone…gone and spent paralyzed by fright…

Instead, today, I want to really, truly, give it all to Christ! Today, I want to do as the psalm says:

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you… 

(Psalm 55: 22a)

Well, of course, as a creature of the 21st century whose main language is not English, I’m not very sure what “to cast” means, so I looked it up. And according to the all-reliable Google dictionary, it means: “to throw something forcefully in a specific direction.”

I love this definition! I especially love the word “forcefully.” This action implies far away and intentionally…like something repulsive that you don’t want near you. The part about “a specific direction” also got me…it got me when I thought that the direction is the Lord, Himself. He actually wants us to toss all our disgusting stuff that we can’t bear to have near us onto Him…onto His Holly Self…how is that possible?

The Barne’s Notes on the Bible says on this topic that:

if we feel that we have no strength, and are in danger of being crushed by what is laid upon us, we may go and cast all upon the Lord; that is, we may look to him for grace and strength, and feel assured that he will enable us to sustain all that is laid upon us. The relief in the case will be as real, and as full of consolation, as if he took the burden and bore it himself. He will enable us to bear with ease what we supposed we could never have done…

If that is not love, I don’t know what is…He cares so much for little ole me, that He wants me to feel the comfort of His Power in my struggles even though I am nothing. And He does it, mainly, because He wants my undivided attention. Like the Pulpit Commentary says:

The care which is forbidden is that anxiety about worldly things which harasses a man and distracts his mind, so that he cannot compose himself to prayer and holy meditation.

That’s exactly right! When I am submerged into one of my anxiety zones, I am totally distracted. I have a hard time NOT thinking about the object of my anxiety. Therefore, I take my eyes off of Him and it becomes a constant struggle to return my thoughts to His presence. He does not want that for me or for any of His children, so He wants us to throw that thing that distracts our minds forcefully into His direction, so we can exchange it for His strength!

How Great is Our God…How Great He is, indeed!

Please Lord, help us to learn to truly, truly cast our cares on You, for we know and trust that You will take care of us, no matter what!

Either Way

Whether in plenty or in want

Whether in daylight or at night

I choose to trust You, Lord.

Whether I walk in the sunny meadow

Whether I crawl in the dark

I choose to trust You, Lord.

When I’m able to stand as well as when I have fallen

When I can go for hours

And when I only have a moment.

When I’m able to speak as well as when it’s hard to even breathe

I choose to trust You, Lord.

When laughter fills the air

When I cry in the rain

I choose to trust You, Lord.

In the days joy bursts in my heart

As well as in the days that sadness overwhelms

I choose to place my trust in You, Lord.

In the calm and in the tempest

When I’m cruising, and when I’m in the middle of serious testing

Give me the strength to keep my eyes fixed on Your face

And my trust in You, securely resting.

For You are Faithful

You are My King

You are the Great I AM

You are the Healer

You are all I want.

Let me cast all my cares

And know that either way

It’s going to be OK!

All Things...

A couple of days ago I was listening to a segment of the radio show Walk In The Word with James MacDonald. He was opening up a series called “What are trials?” and of course it captured my attention for the rest of my ride that early afternoon. He said many things that spoke right to my heart regarding trials, but his definition of what a trial really is caused me to ponder. I don’t remember his exact words, but it went something like: “trials are painful situations allowed by God to transform who we are and what we do.”

Hmmmm

Since it is not a matter of if but of when we go through trials, I think it is a good idea to reflect a bit on this definition, and for that, I would invite you to visit http://jamesmacdonald.com/ to catch up with his study on this topic. Here, today, however, I just wanted to use this opportunity to make it personal.

I want to be transformed! I want God to work in me and make me new! I don’t want to continue to fight the same old battles every time. I am really tired of the stronghold the enemy has in me, which keeps me from casting, truly, truly tossing all my anxieties to the feet of the Cross and move on. And after thinking about MacDonald’s definition, I have come to realize that until I am really transformed, I will continue to struggle through the same type of trials.

The thing is that God will continue to allow trials to enter into my life for as long as it takes my heart and my actions to change. Each trial, each hardship, each storm I go through is an instrument God uses to refine me until I come out the other side as a new creation. This is His act of love for me. If He didn’t love me, He wouldn’t care to transform me into someone who can be in His presence. If by His grace He hadn’t chosen me to be His child, I would not need to be refined. Like a parent who out of love disciplines and corrects his children, and not the neighbor’s kids, God uses trials to put us on the right path to Sanctification as we journey along this life.

In my case, I am terrified of medical tests. Anything that has to do with waiting for results gives me the creeps. Even when it is a routine test and there is no real reason to be concerned, I fret! I’m not proud of it, but it is a way in which God reveals to me my lack of trust in Him…this realization saddens me. How could I not trust Him!? He, the God Almighty, the One who Fills the Air with His Glory, The One Who is Capable to Raise the Dead…how could I not trust Him?

I don’t know how I could be such a hard- head…but I am, and He knows it. He created me. But the good news is that He works in me. I guess God enjoys challenges, huh? The miracle is that by transforming me, His glory shines. Those closest to me, those who know about the darkness in my life also know that any change in me is not by my own doing…On the contrary, it is evident that only by the Power of the Most High I can take the baby steps I take toward fully trusting My Savior, My Lord.

Therefore, with each test I take, with each visit to the doctor’s, with each moment in the waiting room, with each anxious day waiting for a phone call…God is maturing me. He is showing me ways in which I can remain calm. He is showing me avenues I can take to find His face and hear His voice every time I lose my way. He is giving me insight as to what to do every time I allow panic to enter my mind. He is revealing the calming truth of His presence. He is chiseling away the strongholds that keep me prisoner to fear. He is removing the veil that keeps me blind to His peace and His hope.

It is my job, then, to see each “test” as an opportunity for God to continue to work in me. And see each one as one step closer to where He wants me to be.

It is my job to see trials as what they really are: painful adventures custom-made for my own situation to bring me closer to Him as He transform what I do and who I am.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12-13

Take them Captive!

…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

 2 Corinthians 10:5

Once again I wake up and the pinch of anxiety squeezes me down my spine. I keep wiping off my sweaty palms on my pants… all caused by the panicky thoughts I allow into my mind.

I hear His words, Be Still and Know…know that I AM GOD! (Psalm 46:10)

I know it in my intellect…those words are tattooed in my brain; but somehow, they have yet to make it to my heart.

I want to experience the Gardener of my Soul cultivate and grow His fruits in me. I want to see Him create me anew. I am tired of my old self…I want hope to not go dim with every trial. I want His peace to remain intact with every test. I want my thoughts to lead me to Him not to the pit.

How do I become still? On the road to a test, how do I find peace? How do I let the Living Water wash away my fears while in the waiting room? How do I begin to breathe again while I wait for the phone to ring?

Here is how:

I say His Name until the sound of its every letter lulls my soul to a quiet place.

That’s how I pave the way that leads me to taking every thought captive to Him. Like captives, my thoughts have to be reined in. Left to themselves, left to their own will, they run astray and push me over the edge. I need to realize that my thoughts are mine, and as such, I get to tell them where to go, not the other way around. They are mine, and they are not free…they are my prisoners…and I take possession of them before they run over me and leave me in helpless despair.

Therefore, I fill my mind up with His Word until there is no room left for any other thought…and I give myself permission to get out of the way so the Holy Spirit can work unhindered in my heart every moment of every day.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51: 10

Lord of the Storm

I know what it is like to be caught in the wind

I’ve been there.

I’ve been tossed by the waves

I’ve felt the waters rise all around me.

I’ve been there.

I know what it feels like to be caught in the storm

I know the fear all too well.

Seemingly helpless and alone

Adrift, forgotten

But Truth comes to my rescue

Because even if I can’t remember

The winds and the waves still know Your Name.

Even if the whole world chooses to ignore You,

And pretends You are not here

You are the Lord of the Storm

And the raging waters and the tempest

Still obey the sound of your voice.

You stand with me

You hold my hand

You calm my fears

You hush the winds

You still the waves

Your creation still obeys your commands!

Please re-ignite the fire in my soul

Even when my heart is lukewarm

You are the Prince of Peace

You are the Lord of the storm.



Let me let You be the Lord of my storm.

Escape the Prison of the "Why"

When we are faced with unspeakable evil and unexplainable horror it is inevitable for us to ponder the ever-undecipherable “why.” In the midst of crushing devastation or unsurmountable loss it is difficult not to question the reasons for “it” to have happened the way it did. We are dumbfounded by the tragic and unexpected end of those who were supposed to be at the beginning of their road. We stand, jaws hanging wide open at the sight of the visible frailty of those we thought solid. We become paralyzed, face on the ground, when the rock we never saw coming, abruptly hits us in the head, knocking us out…leaving us almost dead.

We just simply cannot comprehend it…and in our lack of understanding, our hearts fill up with frustration and our souls swell up with bitterness.

We want answers. We want to make sense of it all. We want to know why. We want to feel the safety of a logical explanation. We want to rationalize it to perhaps get a sense of control which will indicate that next time there will be something we can do about it…something we can do to stop it from happening again…

But I’m afraid it just doesn’t work that way.

What’s the point then? In the middle of such helplessness, is there anything we can actually do? Or do we just curl up and wait for our days to end in a constant state of panic and despair?

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 1 Corinthians 15: 54-56

That IS the point! The point is that we are the “perishable.” We are the “mortal.” We are the inhabitants of this fallen world who walk in the darkness that the enemy uses to try to fool us into his path. But, Praise be to God for He has turned on the Light! We don’t have to dwell in the darkness that the world tries to impose on us. We don’t have to be overcome by the pain of the struggle. We don’t have to get lost in the riddle of the unsearchable “why” because:

…thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15: 57

Believe it or not, we do have victory. Jesus has overcome this world. Jesus will redeem the shootings, the earthquakes, the hurricanes, the financial collapse, the corruption of government, the destruction of society. Jesus has already done it all from His divine perspective. The cancers, the loneliness, the abandoning, the unfairness of life…He has taken care of it all. The pain and the tears are all wiped away, if not from our vantage point it is true from the eternal perspective of the Almighty’s throne.

But all these things are not only happening from the other side of heaven’s door. There is actual work for us to be done in the here and now. Even from this shore, there are things we ought to accomplish too, listen to Jesus’ own words saying:

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22: 37-40

The key is in the way we love Him and others. Love moves us. Loves directs our actions. Love is our sign. Therefore, out of this love-inspired lifestyle, a lifestyle that is dedicated to knowing Him, His Kingdom and His righteousness first (Matthew 6: 33) flows an existence that is driven by divine purpose…a purpose that involves the using of our gifts, our experiences, our lives for the benefit of His beloved…a life that is lived outwardly in the service of His Kingdom…a life in which we can stand firm as we stand on the Solid Rock that does not move or shake.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

1 Corinthians 15: 58

This is the life that is rooted in His Word. This is the life that avoids the “why did this happen?” and embraces the “how can I help?” This is the kind of life that doesn’t focus on understanding, controlling or manipulating; but the life that listens for His guidance and focuses on seeking His face. This is the life that knows that death has lost its sting and rejoices in Christ’s victory!

This is the kind of life I want to live. This is the kind of life I pray we all seek.