First Day of School

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1: 5-8 

Well, another school year has begun. This past Monday Dan and I waved goodbye to our sons as they boarded bus #67 which carried them to the first day of fifth and first grades.

I stood at the end of the driveway and watched the bus disappear at the bend of the road. My heart sank. My sons are out of my hands.

Once again I was faced with reality. The illusion of control vanished. They don’t really belong to me. They are not really “in my hands.” I can’t really protect them all the time. I pondered these hard-to-swallow truths and I realized that even though I can’t keep them behind a protective glass, all wrapped in bubble wrap-even there they won’t be 100% safe as they’ll asphyxiate-there is something I can do to ensure they’ll be safe. I can release them to the Lord.

They belong to Him. He is the One who let me borrow them for a little while. He allowed me to have them for a season to love, care for and teach them about Him, so one day they would walk on their own and find their own faith. He is the One who loves them more than I ever could. And He knows their destiny because He tells us,

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)” 

Therefore, trusting that when God says “you” He means my sons, I release them. I release them into the loving hands of their Creator and trust in His perfect plan for them. I hesitate, for I have control issues and I struggle with letting go; but I’m resolved to release them, so I do. And as I take them back, I release them again, and again, and one more time. Every time I feel anxiety creep over me, I release them once again, casting my anxieties upon Him and praying for the Lord to increase my faith.

Being a Mother surely is not for the faint of heart. I thought I was tough, but I am weak. The good news is that we have a Strong Father, an Ever-Present Savior and the Spirit of Truth and Wisdom in us. We are victorious in our battles for He fights with us and often times for us. Therefore, I can say

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6) 

My husband and I slowly walked back up the driveway trying to take our minds off of the boys by talking about the need to do some serious landscaping. We entered a really quiet house and silently acknowledged the inevitable passage of time. It’s time to trust.

“in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?“ Psalm 56:11

I'm linking with Work In Progress Wednesday, Living Well Wednesdays, Haven of Rest

It's in His Hands

“Mama, what’s divorce?” My almost-to-be-seven-year-old son Dylan asked me a couple of days ago as we were driving somewhere around. Before I could formulate any coherent thought in my head, my ten-year-old Grant responded in his characteristic professorial tone: “divorce is when the parents split up.”

Even without looking at his face I could sense Dylan’s puzzlement in the air. So I promptly added, “you know? Sometimes, unfortunately, parents don’t stay together and they do have to live in separate houses.” Grant must’ve also sensed his brother’s growing concern as he cheerfully added, “Don’t worry, Dylan, we don’t have to worry about that happening to us…”

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard to untangle the tight knot that had formed in my throat. Then I said, “well, with God’s help, Grant is right and we won’t have to worry about Daddy and I splitting up for as long as we live.”

I looked out the window at the familiar country scenery that surrounded us and prayed with all my heart that the Lord would, indeed, keep our family together “until death do us part.”

As Dan and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary yesterday, I continued to beg God to be with us in our marriage. Certainly 18 years ago I could not have anticipated the roller coaster that marriage was going to be like. The emotional intensity I’ve experienced these past almost two decades is yet to be surpassed by anything else other than itself. But I wouldn’t have it any other way – well, other than me having a completely different personality, as I’m sure Dan would appreciate a kinder, nicer, gentler wife. There’s still hope, though, as the Holy Spirit is not yet done with me : )

But anyway, my point is that God doesn’t make any mistakes. I don’t presume to understand everything about God. I am VERY far from beginning to comprehend the unsearchable ways of God for,

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” Romans 11: 33

I believe that He is who the Bible says He is, though, and according to His Word, He is Faithful! “God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.” 1 Corinthians 1:9 And as a Faithful and Loving God, He knows what He is doing, how He is doing it, why He is doing it, and when He is doing it.

Even if our marriage, for some unforeseen reason, ends up in divorce one day, that will not surprise Him. He knew the fate of our marriage even before we began to think about the possibility of anything being wrong with it. He knows the choices we are going to make before we’ve thought about any one of them. His eyes saw our unformed body, says Psalm 139, and

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139: 16

Nothing surprises Him about our bad choices, and even if our marriage does not have a fairy tale ending (whose does, anyway?) we continue to trust Him and to place all our endeavors in His Faithful Hands for He will lead us to the riches of His reward if we surrender to His irresistible grace.

We are His since before we were born! “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13-14

“And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.” 1 Corinthians 2: 7

So as we place ourselves in His Hands, we trust.

I don’t know what the future holds for my marriage. I don’t know if my son’s words will remain true and they won’t indeed have to worry about his parents splitting up so they can grow up in a stable home, with one less thing to worry about in this dark world. But I have to trust Him. I have to believe that if we stay committed to Christ and to each other we will improve our chances.

Back in the car, I finally gathered my wits, stretched my neck, and stole a quick glance at my young son on the rear view mirror. He seemed satisfied with the answers and was back at playing with his toys. I turned to Grant and he was looking out the window deep in thought, as he often is. I wondered what he was thinking. It’s in God’s hands...I sighed silently, and kept on driving.

I'm linking with Soli Deo Gloria, Marital Oneness, Marriage Moment, Beauty in His Grip, On Your Heart Tuesday, Time Warp Wife

"Mama, Hug"

His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me. Song of Solomon 8: 3 

“Mama, hug,” I hear my now almost 7-year old son Dylan say to me as I walk away after having yelled at him for misbehaving. I turn and see him standing with arms stretched out wide and a sad face. Of course I go back to him and hug him tightly feeling rotten inside for having spoken harshly to him earlier. The healing power of hugs, however, makes us both feel better.

I don’t know what it is, but a hug can really make a difference. There are several studies out there that assure us that hugs can actually keep the doctor away. They release some chemicals in our bodies that are responsible not just for improved mood and reduced stress, but for actual physiological reactions like changes in blood pressure and improved heart health! Crazy, huh? A study at the University of North Carolina found that levels of cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds. (Via http://www.divinecaroline.com/22188/74188-healing-power-hugs#ixzz24TRUghvU) That’s enough for me to want to give my husband more than one 20-second-long hug a day! Well, there are other reasons for me to want to do that too…but this is an added bonus! : )

At any rate, I wasn’t really aware of the power of hugs; but my son Dylan has proven to me that it is, indeed, a healing tool that the Lord provides to us in the midst of this world of hurt and pain. I don’t really need to read any studies, for now I have living proof that hugs do the trick. Throughout the day, I hear my little boy’s tender voice saying, “Mama, hug” regardless of whatever. Sometimes, he doesn’t even say anything, but spontaneously just comes to me with outstretched arms and gives me a blessed hug. And at that moment, I feel the weight of the world lift up from over my shoulders as my soul smiles and rejoice.

Praise the Lord for Dylan, who has understood the power of the embrace. As he grows up and walks through life craving that loving touch, he is touching my heart and teaching me about the love that I am supposed to feel and display in my own walk, perhaps to help lighten and brighten a little this valley of tears and sorrow.

I'm linking with Beholding Glory, Friday Favorite Things

If I Don't Have "Love"

The Lord does make everything work for good. (Romans 8: 28) He is able to bring usefulness out of idleness and that’s exactly what He is doing in my life right now. As I do a lot of sitting around all day He is redeeming my time by giving me a chance to do some thinking on His Word. Today I’ve been thinking about first things, first steps.

Living out our Christianity in this dark world is becoming increasingly challenging. As I see it, the first thing, the first step necessary for us to stay grounded is to truly recognize our need for a Savior. It might sound simplistic, but in a secularized and humanistic society many toy with the idea that we are OK and any thought of salvation is reduced to the need for a hefty savings account. The culture is so pervasive that even Bible believing Christians may fall for a worldview that denies the existence of the Spiritual realm and relies on works as a measure of goodness.

Romans 3: 23 becomes, therefore, a must read for anyone who finds himself/herself wondering whether or not they might need a Savior:

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

If this is not clear enough and we rather believe that our good works ought to count toward saving ourselves or even as a mean of some sort of collective salvation, let’s take a look at Isaiah 64: 6,

We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.
In case we are still wondering if being “a good person” may have something to do with salvation, Romans 3: 10 confirms it again,: “As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one…” And where is “it” written, you may ask? Well, let’s take a look at Ecclesiastes 7: 20 “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.”

Everyone saved or not, is capable of doing good once in a while or even a lot of the time; but not all of the time. Nobody is perfect, remember? So then what? We are supposed to be perfect and blameless in the presence of God - So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. 2 Peter 3: 14- I don’t know about you, but I can’t fit this description on my own. How do I become blameless? I cannot do it on my own. There is only one way, in Christ:

But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation. (Colossians 1: 22)

…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Phil 2: 13) 

The truth is that there are a lot of “good people” who won’t make it to heaven. Good works that please God (and are not just “filthy rags”) are the result of a saved soul. The good works that honor God come out of the love that we express for our neighbor and are a sign that we are saved, not a way to salvation. We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4: 19) We do the right thing because, as children of the Most High God we are moved to do the right thing.

Our faith becomes dormant without our actions of love, but the faith comes first. James is particularly strong when he points out the importance of actions of love and righteousness and a life dedicated to good works for those who have already been adopted into God’s royal family. He says in James 2: 26 “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.” And later in 4:19 he says: “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” This admonition is conditioned to “knowing” the right thing. Who knows the right thing to do but the one in whom the Holy Spirit dwells? Only those who have the Spirit, have the truth that brings freedom. (John 8: 32)

James is talking to those who are already saved. He is presenting what might be the earliest practical guide to Christian living. And of course striving to do good deeds is high ranking in that process. But you have to be part of the family already for it to have any impact in your reward. For, as Paul tells us in Eph.2:8,9, salvation is a gift, a gif of grace, “For by grace are ye saved through faith, not of yourselves...not of works.” (Also see: Rom.3:20, Rom.11:6 Gal .2:16, 2Tim.1:9, Tit.3:5)

I don’t know the heart of man, that is only God’s privilege, nor I pretend to begin to comprehend the immensity of the heart of God; but I believe Scripture and good deeds are not the way to salvation for anyone. There is only one way, Jesus! He Himself answered to Thomas’s inquiry regarding how to find the way with some of the most important and profound words in the entire Bible: Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14: 6a) This is the only guaranteed way. Jesus promised that "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. (Matthew 10: 32)

As a matter of fact, for those who enjoy the “easy steps” process, the Bible has a two- step program to eternity in Heaven:

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10: 9

“Do I really need a Savior?” Can only be answered, then, with a resounding, yes! We all do. It is impossible for man to save himself, but on the other hand, nothing is impossible for God. (Mark 10: 25-27)

Coming to terms with our need for a Savior, and accepting the fact that it is a gift that we don’t deserve: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5: 8) wrap up the first step to a Christ-focused walk guided by the light of Scripture shining brightly in this dark world. Let’s see where else the Lord steers my thoughts next time.

For now, I will leave with this verse...as you read it, remember who "Love" is...

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:1

I'm linking with Denise in Bloom, Thankful Thursday

Hiding from Ministry?

I am too weak, too tired, too busy, too stressed out, too antisocial, too self-conscious, too young, too old, too much of a sinner (you fill in the blank with your perceived circumstance) to be able to perform effective ministry at this time. Have you ever used any of these excuses to exempt yourself from being active within the body of Christ? Personally, I have used all of them and many others in order to get out of actively participating in the building of His Kingdom here in His church.

Particularly lately, I have found myself pulling excuses out of my deep bag of tricks. Many are recycled; but some are new. I have recently discovered myself hiding behind circumstances, which have resulted in my distancing from His Holy House. As I comfortably recline on current situations, I’ve fallen out of track and I’m finding it very difficult to get back on it. I feel adrift and I struggle to figure out my role in the church once again.

Even though I did need a break of sorts, the truth is, I am NOT comfortably reclining anywhere. The problem with taking a break from the church, however, is that sometimes you find it is hard to come back. But finally my inactivity is catching up with me and I am starting to realize that I need to take a deep look inside of me to figure out what’s going on, and find out a way to get back in the field.

How do I do that? I wonder. Well, I guess I better head out to the compass of my life to seek guidance so I can find my way again. I’ve always studied how God uses imperfect people all throughout the Bible in order to accomplish His plan. Ordinary people with ordinary lives of sin become instruments for good in the hands of God to perform extraordinary things. Their lives have been immortalized on the pages of the Great Book not for their benefit and fame, but for ours.

They are our examples of how to lead extraordinary lives within ordinary bodies. Of course Jesus is our prime role model and goal. He is, indeed the only true hero in the Bible, the only one worthy of praise and worship. He is our way, our truth and our life. The rest of the people in the Bible, however, illustrate what a simple, regular person can achieve and become, when surrendered to the will of God. And that’s what I am striving for right now.

So yes, I might be too old and tired; but look at Abraham and Moses. Even Elizabeth and Zachariah were in their old age when God called them to bring forth the one who would announce His Son.

Though I am at a weak spot in my life; I have but to look at David to realize that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Maybe I am not in the best of health at the moment; but what about the countless sick people in the Bible who sought after Jesus’ healing hand and wasted no time to get up and begin to walk again as soon as He touched them. I think of Peter’s Mother in Law who sprung out back into service the moment Jesus healed her.

Who is not stressed out today? I certainly am, very much! But then I think of Mary; so young and helpless, carrying the Savior in her womb and the weight of prejudice on her shoulders. All the stress of the world didn’t keep her, however, from glorifying the Lord. Even in the midst of her troubles she got over her own sense of significance and said, “be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1: 38)

Everyone is busy; and so was Martha, but even this famous multi-tasker was able to pause long enough to hear her Lord and acknowledge that He is the Christ.

And yes, I am a big sinner, but so were all of the above.

As I see it now, I have no excuse for my inaction. I have no valid reason to just sit out this season of my life and hide away from service and ministry. Even John the Baptist, a noted antisocial who lived in the wilderness and fed on bugs had enough sense to obey Him and show up to the Divine appointments arranged by His Lord and got busy pointing people to the Son of God.

Therefore, rather than hiding behind my current circumstances, I should offer myself as a living sacrifice, open my heart to God’s will and let Him decide what the next steps in my service will be. Perhaps He will design a way for me to minister in a different capacity than before. But that is for Him to determine. My responsibility is to have a willing heart and to trust that He will enable me to perform His task and purpose for me with the riches of His grace.

I'm linking with Walk with Him Wednesday, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Haven of Rest, Work in Progress Wednesday, Wednesday in the Word

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16: 34

Well, yesterday, I got behind the wheel for the first time after more than two weeks. It was a bit surreal. I felt strange. I couldn’t believe how something so mundane like backing out of my garage felt so completely unfamiliar. As we rolled down the driveway, my older son asked me one last time, “Mama, are you sure you’re allowed to drive?” My younger admonished me, “remember you are not supposed to drive!” As we pulled out I reassured them that the doctor had said I could drive after 2 weeks and it’s been longer than that. As we got going on the road, and I turned the radio on to K-Love they settled down in the back seat and a sense of normalcy began to cover the three of us.

It sure has been a strange few weeks after my surgery and I believe we are all ready to breathe in some normalcy again. Though “normal” sometimes could be relative, it is good to reclaim a bit of our routine after it has been stripped off from our hands. It is funny how I always find something to complain about in my life on a daily basis, but then once my busy routine gets disrupted by unplanned occurrences, I miss my frantic days and wish I could go back to them, for they give me a sense of stability and control.

Mainly control, that’s what I’ve missed. As I slowed down to recover from my surgery, I didn’t really miss the hectic running around and the constant rushing of my “normal” days. I’ve missed the fact that while rushing and running around, I was in control, or so I thought. I’ve missed being in charge. I’ve missed being the one behind the wheel.

The days I’ve been sitting in my “recovery comfy chair station” I’ve enjoyed the care and attentions of my “boys” day in and day out. But, by the same token, I’ve felt helpless. At times I’ve felt consumed by uselessness and dependence. And I’ve many times wondered if there is a way to speed up recovery time so I could get back to being myself again.

I know, however, that we serve a God who is Good all the time and who has a perfect plan for each of His beloved children. As one of His adopted daughters, I share in this perfect plan and for that I am eternally thankful. He is Merciful, Compassionate and Faithful. He does not abandon us in the depth of the pit. He pulls us out. He rescues us. He brings us back into the light of His presence and into a new day of hope.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 

He rescues us from ourselves and shows us that regardless of our circumstances, we are in His hands and He will never let go. He reminds us that He is in the business of changing souls and bringing people back to life!

Today I praise Him for who He is, and for His path for me. I know that as long as I walk beside Him, I will not get lost because He leads me…He is at the steering wheel. I know that as long as He holds my hand, I should not be afraid. I know He deserves my praise and worship and that all the glory belongs to Him, forever!

Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. Psalm 115:1

By the time we pulled back into our driveway after running a couple of short errands, Dylan was singing to the tune of a praise song and Grant was asking me if we could go to another store the next day. Sitting behind the wheel of my beat up Honda Civic didn’t feel surreal anymore. And even though I had to take a nap after my first drive, (I felt silly, I was so exhausted) it was a good run.

Psalm 92:1-3 

It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp.

Im' linking with On Your Heart Tuesday, Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood, The Beauty in His Grip

My Boys' Laughter

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,

we were like those who dreamed.

Our mouths were filled with laughter, 

our tongues with songs of joy. 

Then it was said among the nations,

“The Lord has done great things for them.”

The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126: 1-3 

In days like today, when the whole world seems dreary, gloomy and dark my spirit gets a boost from hearing my sons laugh. When clouds cover the sunshine and an eerie stillness ushers in the prelude to a storm, my sons’ laughter in the background rekindles my joy. I don’t know why they are giggling, I probably wouldn’t even understand; but it doesn’t matter, because one of my favorite things in life is the heavenly sound of my children’s laughter.

They call it "Trampoline-Ball"? I guess...I'm not sure exactly what it is, or how safe it is, but it sure is fun for them and it brings a smile to my face.  Certainly another of my favorite things!

I'm linking with Finding Joy: Friday Favorites; Pieces of Amy Link Up Party