I’ve been away on and off for the last three weeks and last night I finally was able to chill at home knowing I don’t really have to go anywhere for a while. It was great. I did my favorite chillin’ activity…I watched a movie. I watched Mom’s Night Out. I bought that movie about a month ago and had been saving it for the right moment when I could just watch it and savor it without interruptions.
It is a really cute movie and I enjoyed it a lot, but my favorite part, the part that spoke to me the most, was when the main character said something like: “I’m like the Bruce Banner of Moms…I don’t want to be the Hulk, but it just comes out without me being able to stop it or control it.”
That kind of says it all for me. I am a real-life Bruce Banner Mom who has the Hulk living inside of her and who has little to no control over when that green, huge, angry monster comes out to wreak havoc at her path.
I am so ashamed of myself for such lack of self-control when it comes to my temper…it’s insane! Like, this morning…just about 24 hours after returning home from a fantastic getaway in Puerto Rico where I did nothing but relax and enjoy endless conversation with my dear friend Judy…I let the Hulk come out as the kids where getting ready for school. I mean, really? What is going to take for me to chill!? When am I going to realize it is NOT that important…whatever it is…it is NOT! I know this. But still, I need help stopping the Hulk.
In order to begin to stop this mad creature from popping out I need to examine myself and think about what pushes the Hulk-button on…thinking…I’m thinking…I’m still thinking…AHA! The Hulk pays us frequent visits when I am carrying around the heavy burden of a special worry. When I’m nervous about something my temper becomes shorter, my fuses blow spontaneously, anger becomes my shield and I use the Hulk as my avenger…sigh…
I know this about myself. I have discovered through the years that the minute my head starts spinning the wheels of worry and anxiety, I become short with those closest to me. I am tired of it! I don’t want worry and anxiety to rule my life and damage the lives of those who walk with me. I don’t want the Hulk to be my go-to-guy when I’m scared…
The good news is that there is someone more powerful than the green Avenger.
When I pause long enough to allow myself to listen to the Holy Spirit, I find refuge in His whispering. When I take time to breathe in the breath of life, I hear Him gently guiding me to the sweet understanding that nothing is impossible for God (Matthew 19: 26). When I humble myself, I see the Holy Spirit showing me that Our Almighty Heavenly Father takes care of me and that I am able to cast all my cares upon Him, because He loves me (1 Peter 5: 7). When I let true Hope float, He reminds me that Jesus has done all the work, He has paid it all, and by His wounds I am healed (1 Peter 2: 24).
Therefore, as Jesus himself tells us, we need not worry about our lives…the Father knows what we need and He’ll take care of it all (Matthew 6: 25-34).
Jesus also reminds us that we can come to Him with anything that troubles us:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11: 28-30
Therefore, the pettiness of our worries needs to be left behind. There is nothing so big that could not be managed by the Hands of God. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing that my infinite worrying can resolve. I need to let go and trust. I need to be humble and accept that I am NOT in control. I need to have hope in the peace that surpasses all understanding. I need to rest in the arms of the One who died for me.
I am not saying it is easy to stop the Hulk from appearing. But it is possible to take some time to prayerfully think about the truth of our own personal green monster and figure out what brings him about. It is possible to offer the triggers to Christ as we become crucified with Him and let Him live in us. With Him, it is possible to move to another level in our relationship where Jesus and Only Jesus become our Shield, our Refuge and our Mighty Avenger.
So, like the character in the movie said, life is messy and it will continue to be messy, but it is a beautiful mess and the Hulk doesn’t need to mess that up!