Today, as I begin to explore Psalm 139 I can’t help to let out a big gasp when I read the first verse,
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
My Lord knows me… that is a wonderful, but terrifying thought… I love to think about the fact that He knows who I am and that He knows my name… you know? Like, He knows me enough not to forget about me and to recognize my number when I call… so He doesn’t press the silencing button or just plainly ignore the vibration on His heavenly phone when I send Him a text… but the thought of God knowing me the way this Psalm expresses it? Er…ahem…that is entirely a different situation.
He doesn’t only know me superficially. He has searched me! Do you know what that means? Have you ever searched something? I search all the time! Take a quick example:
-“Mom! Have you seen my __________ (fill in the blank with whatever you want)?”
-“No, I haven’t. Look for it.”
-“I’ve looked everywhere already. I can’t find it!”
Then, I begin the search. Depending on what it is, I usually have an idea of where it might be, because I have searched this house countless of times looking for everything from a missing, favorite sock to glasses, coins, toys, pencils, books, DVDs, candy, crackers, phones, keys, saxophones, IPods, headphones, chargers, video games, dogs, husbands and anything in between. There are places I don’t dare enter, like Dylan’s room…but there are others that I know so very well, I can even picture the contents in my mind even without truly searching, like the junk drawer(s).
Yes, I know what’s in them, because it is my junk, and I have searched in there endlessly for whatever. I open that drawer, and I search, which means, I basically empty it and look at everything and don’t leave any piece of junk unturned…until I usually find the specific piece of junk I’m looking for. I know that drawer. I know its contents. I know it’s full of junk. And I don’t particularly like it. I just keep it because I need a place to put all this collection of semi-useful, mostly useless things that I don’t necessarily want to throw away, but I don’t know what to do with at the moment… junk! I’m not fond of it. I don’t love it. I don’t think it is attractive. I would not let people see it open. I am actually ashamed of it…because I know what’s in it and I don’t want anyone to realize the mess it is…the mess I am…
Is that how God searches me?
Is that what He gets to see when He does?
(I can’t even gasp anymore)
Is that what He thinks of me …?
I better just keep reading this Psalm… see you tomorrow!