It's OK to be Human in front of our Kids

Grant in 2012, a bright light in a dark year.

"I think you should read this book, mama..." said Grant timidly to me in his still young boy's voice almost seven years ago as he slipped into my hands a children's version of the book of Heaven is for Real.  I had just picked up a that copy of the book  at the store a couple of days earlier just because I thought it would be a good one for the boys to read...little did I know, that my older son would be using it to comfort me after the passing of my Dad just a few days later...

I grabbed the book from his little hands, and had a hard time looking him in the eyes.  I didn't want him to see me cry.  So, I did my best to keep my composure and gave him a hug.  Dan and I were getting ready to go to Panama to try to make it to the funeral.  The kids were staying with Grandma.  Thanksgiving was around the corner...but it was a year that did not feel like there was much to be thankful for.  My Mother in Law's second husband had just died in very tragic circumstances only a few months back...and now...my Dad...my rock, my greatest fan, my steady hand...was gone miles away from me.  As I struggled to handle my emotions, I didn't want to trouble my sons, so I put up a brave face.  I didn't want them to notice.  I didn't want them to suffer.  I didn't want them to realize the pain I was carrying inside so I tried to bury it as best as I could.  But, when Grant gave me that book, I knew, he knew...and I was mortified.

It has taken these many years to realize that it is OK and even healthy for my sons to see that I am actually human.

It's OK for them to see that I have feelings too...not just the feelings I want them to see, but all the range of human emotions.  And, I do have MANY...including sadness.  I never wanted them to see me crying.  But, what kind of lesson would I be teaching them if I try to hide my tears?  Is that a healthy lesson? Tears, the way I see it, are the mechanism that God has put in place in our bodies to release tension. It's like our own built-in escape valve, included as a safety to help us let out the pressure/tension that builds up inside of us in difficult situations.  I'm no mechanic whatsoever, but, if you ask me (which you shouldn't...at all) I believe, by the very nature of the concept of an escape valve, if it doesn't work properly, say, in a car...a bunch of bad things could happen depending on what valve is not doing its job... (that's as far as I can go with this illustration).  So, we have tears for a reason.  Let's use them, so we don't become sick with toxic exhaust and other nasty stuff that builds up inside of us as a result of plugging them up!  After all, the Lord collects all our tears in a bottle, so one day, He will wipe them all away forever! (Psalm 56: 8, Revelations 21: 4)

My point is...I agree with Heidi St. John, the author of the Bible Study I'm doing, when she says:  "We experience grief because of rejection and broken relationships, because of illness and loss, and because of our own self-focus. And our children will hurt too. We can’t change that, but we do have control over the way we deal with it. MomStrong moms trust God to help them model healing for their children, even if it means your kids see you cry."

I understand this now...so, when I look back at that day when Grant gave me that book, I wish I had allowed myself to cry in front of him...but I didn't.  I stoically hid my feelings and put on a fake, brave face to spare him the pain.  I read the book when he was out of the room.  And then, of course the water works began... Before we left, I told Grant I loved the book and that it helped me very much.  I looked at that precious young boy's brown eyes and saw more love and understanding that I could have ever imagined.  I believe God, despite my foolishness and misguided, good-intentions, and in His infinite mercy, gave Grant wisdom beyond his years to extend His grace and comfort to me in my hour of great grief, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.  He IS close the broken hearted and saves those whose spirits are crushed... (Psalm 34: 18)  And He gave us tears to help us cope.  Let's not diminish their power as we teach our kids the value of a sincerely shed tear.