Since, for me, giving it all to the Lord is an on-going process, today I woke up thinking about the same Scripture from yesterday:
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5: 7
The image today is, however, a bit different. This image came to me yesterday, actually, as I walked around the leaf-covered campus sidewalks. At that time, I thought of the autumns we spent at our old house. Back there, fall was a real chore since our back yard was populated by several splendid and majestic deciduous trees. As we know, the “majestic” aspect lasts for a split second and then we are left to pick up all that majesty afterwards. Well, walking among the leaves yesterday afternoon reminded me of looking out the window at my husband wrestling with the fallen majesty at our old house (and yes, I have to admit here that other than looking out the window, I never did much else to help : ).
For years, before he discovered the magic of a mulching tractor, Dan would spend entire Saturdays pilling up leaves on a huge tarp and in his old, rusty wheel barrow. Then, he would drag them around the yard to the burning pile and/or onto another dumping ground reserved for…dumping stuff (the joy of living in the country…sigh…). Over and over again I would see the sign of satisfaction and relief on his face as he would open up that tarp or tilt that old wheel barrow over the dumping pile to see the leaves cascading down to be disposed of. Not that I’d know, but I could tell by the look in his face that he felt liberated. The sense of a huge weight off his back…letting go of a heavy drag…emptying that last load on the pile…it felt good.
That’s the image that came to me yesterday afternoon and today too. I so want to feel the liberation of emptying out my over loaded, old and rusty wheel barrow. I am tired of pushing it around. I got blisters in my hands and it weighs too heavy in my soul. I want to stop at the dump, tilt it up and watch the garbage flow out of it once and for all. I may as well leave the wheel barrow in the pile too, for I don’t want to use it no more. I want to be done!
As it happens, now we live in a well-manicured neighborhood with zero trees in our yard (well, we have a couple of baby ones that could hardly be called trees…Dan picked up the fallen leaves with one hand and put them in a shopping bag…and I’m still not helping : ). We have no use for his old wheel barrow or tarps out here. Perhaps it’s a sign that we are close to being done emptying out the anxiety, fear and other collection of things we’ve been dragging around for years, to finally be free. I pray that’s the way it is.
For now, though, I will keep the hope and the image in my mind every time the heavy burden of anxiety creeps up on me. I will think of me emptying that old wheel barrow. Each leaf representing each of my fears…all gone to be burned up by His all consuming fire.
Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.
Nehemiah 8: 12
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