Laugh Without Fear

 I've been told, upon occasion, that I take myself way too seriously.  Dan has been telling me that I need to learn to laugh at myself more.  He says that's the key to staying humble and out of misery.  I know he's right, but I struggle.  I don't think...or at least I hope it is not so, that the reason I tend to not be able to laugh at myself is because I think I'm superior.  I hope not. It's not that I believe I'm so important that I must not be messed with.  I don't think that everything that happens to me is of such importance that life must stop until my troubles pass.  I don't think that's it.  I believe the reason I take everything so seriously and I tend to overreact is because I grew up in an environment where every tiny mishap was treated as a huge problem and as a great inconvenience.

It might have something to do with the fact that my parents were older and they were not planning to have another child coming along to disturb what they thought was their smooth sailing towards retirement.  If I think about it, I was a big inconvenience for my parents.  My Dad retired from the field of Education after 30 plus years of service when I was 5 years old...my Mom when I was 8.  To top it off, the same year my Mom retired from teaching, also after 30 some years of service, my Niece Nicole was born and she came to live with us while my brother (her Dad) finished college.

So, my parents basically had 2 young children still in the house after they were retired!  And, of course, their pay was so miniscule, that money worries forced my Dad to take another job, which happened to be in a completely different field of which he knew nothing about...but necessity is the mother of many things, so he learned the trade and eventually became very successful at it. But there was a lot of stress in my household as my Dad worked full time in a new career so he could support his "growing family" in the autumn of his life.    

At any rate,  ever since I remember, we were always on edge.  I had a good and happy childhood, no question...but there was an element of fear and stress and nervousness always there, which didn't make it conducive to developing the ability to take things lightly. 

That's all I knew.  So, when I met Dan and he started talking about laughing at myself more and taking things easy...I had no clue what he was talking about.  So I'd react with the same and only response I knew:  anger.  I've been hanging out with Dan for almost 32 years now...and it has been a huge learning curve.  I still do not claim to master this lifestyle of laughing at myself and at life itself...but I am trying.  Maybe some day I will get it.  Maybe it will become part of who I am for real.  In the meantime, I will claim Proverbs 31: 25 as a verse to live by as I try to laugh at my present and future without worry and fear: 

Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure;

And she smiles at the future [knowing that she and her family are prepared]. (Amplified)